What do you do in the meantime?? single people only

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by GoDaleJr, Oct 31, 2002.

  1. GoDaleJr

    GoDaleJr New Member

    If you are single and live alone, just applied for SSDI and have to wait...how do you live? Do you have $$ saved up from somewhere else?
    I'm single, losing my house, losing my medical insurance, lost my job, been on State Disability, but that runs out in a few months. I applied for SSDI, but that could take years? What am I supposed to do for money in the mean time????
    If I get a job to survive, won't that spoil my SSDI claim??

  2. GoDaleJr

    GoDaleJr New Member

    If you are single and live alone, just applied for SSDI and have to wait...how do you live? Do you have $$ saved up from somewhere else?
    I'm single, losing my house, losing my medical insurance, lost my job, been on State Disability, but that runs out in a few months. I applied for SSDI, but that could take years? What am I supposed to do for money in the mean time????
    If I get a job to survive, won't that spoil my SSDI claim??

  3. teach6

    teach6 New Member

    First, my mom and I bought a house together right before my health took its plunge for the worse. Second, I have both STD and LTD from my job. That goes until I turn 65. They pay 2/3 of my salary and it's tax free.

    If I didn't have those two I did have some money saved up. So,e of it is curently loaned to my kids and will be paid back. Some I've used to buy a scooter and a new van so I can transport it.

    I have friends who have been devasted by divorce. Some of them rent out rooms in their homes to help with the mortgage. Around here a room can go for about $500 a month.

    I also have a business that I started before I became ill. Although I can no longer work it like I once did I am getting it back together and seeing increased income from it. I have to keep my expenses up now, though because my SSDI attorney has advised me on how much he wants me to earn until I am approved for SSDI.

    He told me not to gross over $300 a month, but that is for a job, not a business. I just keep my net income under that, which I can do by going to all the conferences and keeping good records of all my expenses.

    So, if you get creative there are ways to get some additional income, but it's tough when you are single and don't have all that I do to fall back on.

    Good luck to you.

  4. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    I used up all my savings, cashed in my IRA (and had to pay the 10 percent tax on it), and ended up borrowing money from my Mom, bless her heart. I have been very lucky.

    Don't just let your home go into foreclosure. Work with your lender and try to sell it, even if there is very little equity. If there is a lot of equity, that is all the more reason to sell it and not let it go into foreclosure. Check with your local social services and with SS for SSI as well as SSD. If you have family, this is the time for them to step up and help you. If you need their help, ask. If they don't know about it, they can't help you. Good luck.

    Oh, and by the way, yes, if you work, it will probably spoil your chances of getting SSD. My hearing is in Dec. and by the time I see a check, it will be almost two years. Some do get it much sooner, though.

    Good luck.

    Love, Mikie
  5. dojomo

    dojomo New Member

    Hi.......It took 2 years for me to get SSD.....while I waited I spent my savings and retirement...and rented out a room in my house....sold a few things too.

    I managed...although I eventually had to sell my house. One thing to remember Is..after you qualify..you recieve some back pay, so you will get one big check to help pay off some bills that have accumulated....

    It IS hard being single and going thru this...best of luck to you...Peace DJ
  6. Dawnt

    Dawnt Member

    I'm in the same position as you. I got sick in february from the flu like you and have never healed. Since that date, I lost my home, my car, my kids, my life. I had moved to Minnesota for 3 months to stay with family, but they didnt' help out much. The state supplemented me with $203 a month and some food benefits. I had applied for SSI and got my denial 10/02. I now have a lawyer that is appealing it. I am in Florida now and this state excludes single people from assistance, even if they have a disability. I can not work, for the past 9 months, I can't hardly do anything. I've called several social services for help with payment of medication and doctors. I've picked up food from a food bank. And my last desperate move to survive, is I married for money. I am now married to someone I don't love but who will support me unconditionally. Hopefully your state has more resources then florida and your family is more supportive during this time. When talking to a social service agency, ask them if there are any other agencies that could assist you. They do this for a living and know the ins and outs. And take advantage of anything that is available.
    Good luck
  7. Cactuslil

    Cactuslil New Member

    Ask for special forebearance on your mortgate. I received 12 months; then I paid a rather large sum I had borrowed privately when that 12 month period was over and then again asked for special forebearance again. They gave it to me.

    I fought 5 years for SSDIB; once I became indigent I filed for SSI. That took a year plus but the disability was validated; the SSDIB is still alive in Virginia and the decision now on that case is not whether I am disabled or not but on what date the disability began. I will probably drop over dead whenever that gets reviewed, if it ever does.

    Some folk get disability w/little problem and others, like myself, learn the hard way; I made the mistake of representing myself and I truly believe if I had have retained my atty when this whole thing started, I would have prevailed on the "larger" rather than the "smaller" although the medical benefits for the "lesser" is "greater"..Oh, my I am not making sense! Good Luck Lil'
  8. GoDaleJr

    GoDaleJr New Member

    I rent my house. Can no longer afford the rent! I have to find someplace where my dog and I can live for cheaper rent.
    I also have a horse and keepping her here at home rent free was cheaper than boarding her out. But now I have to find a stable to board her at. Another rent to pay.
    I just got my appt. w/ssdi for 2 weeks from now.
    My mind is racing. I am trying to sell all my antiques. My mother would kill me if she knew, but I need the money.
    Damn this disability.[This Message was Edited on 11/01/2002]
  9. tjblueeyes

    tjblueeyes New Member

    I'm 45, divorced, owe $15,000 in back child support and am in bed 3-4 days a week. I have to find friends willing to trade my food stamps for cash. I go with them to get groceries. I'm not sure this is illegal, but I keep it under wraps. If you can work at all, try cleaning jobs, daycare where you can get paid under the table. I have been denied once for SSDI after 9 months and am waiting for a hearing date. I did get an attorney. Also you can apply for AND (aid for needy and disabled) I have, but haven't received it yet. Sometimes I get very depressed, but God got me this far. My prayers are with you. You are not alone! TJ
  10. missvickielynn

    missvickielynn New Member

    But reading your post has made me realize just how blessed I am. I will have to count my blessings several extra times a day now......cause I have seen through you that, yes, things could be worse for me. I am so sorry for what you are going through.......I can feel your fear and your "racing thoughts". If you lived in Texas, I would take you.....and your Dog, in to my home! You would have to sleep on the couch.....but it would be a place to sleep. I truly wish I could help you in some way.

    I have been ill for many years. Two years ago, (come Dec. 28th), I was fired from my last job (where I worked 7 1/2 years) because of my illness. My employer had been requiring a Doctor's excuse when I called in sick.

    In the last two months prior to being fired, I was trying to discover my options, with what I thought was my Doctor's help, with regard to Family Medical Leave, accomodations through the ADA, and my hope was to find some way to continue working....I wanted to keep my job & insurance. I had disability insurance paid by my employer, but I was too ill (and too ill-informed) to check into it. I had finally decided to grit my teeth until the first of the year, and put in for Family Medical Leave. I was not given that chance. I was fired on Dec. 28th, after being out sick the day before, and the Doctor's office failing to fax over the Dr.'s Excuse.

    My Doctor told me 3 months after I was fired to "get out of denial about my illness, and file for SSDI". But I have remained in denial, for reasons that are complicated, and don't really matter at this point.

    I received unemployment for 6 months. I had no savings, but I lived on the $10,000 life insurance policy my Mother left to me when she died of lung cancer in May 2000 (I was fired Dec. 2000.) I had a 401K that I cashed in, and after taxes and penalties, I got $1,200. My most major expenses in the last two years were my computer, and my meds. I was spending over $200 per month on meds (and I only take 4 meds).

    I did file for SSDI last year, in November, even had the phone interview.....but I was even more ill then, and I simply could not do the paperwork. I finally filed again in August, but just got my initial paperwork (the Green Form and my statements) turned in 2 weeks ago. It took me 60-some-odd days to get the paperwork done, and all my medical records gathered. (I had filed once before, back in 1989, but did not pursue it beyond the first denial. I learned from that, though, because Social Security DID NOT OBTAIN ANY OF MY MEDICAL RECORDS, and blatantly told me so in my denial. They based their denial strictly on their consultative exams. So, this time, I got all my records myself. I actually started gathering them slowly, starting last year.)

    I am using an attorney through the local Legal Aid Services..........not sure how that is going to go. I don't feel terribly optimistic about her interest, or her knowledge of the illnesses......but I am certainly going to educate her!

    My money has been gone since July of this year. I am, however, blessed, in that the mobile home I live in is paid for, my car is paid for, and my landlord has let me stay here on this property since April 2000, when I took Family Medical Leave to care for my Mother when she was dying. (I am the only person living in this "mobile home park", and the landlord has had the property on the market for sale for nearly 4 years. If I were not here, it would be considered an abandoned mobile home park.)

    I just got approved for food stamps. I receive $139 per month. Since I am single, I do not qualify for any other State (Texas) aid. My utilities have been paid for the last 5 months by various local charities, some are churches, some are United Way agencies. My family (my Father is in Scottsdale, AZ, and my Sister is in Houston) has helped me with small amounts of money, but they continue to tell me that they don't know how long they can continue. My Father has been paying for my Chiropractic treatments. The County Hospital District pays for my Klonopin prescription, and my Doctor helped me get help from the pharmaceutical companies for my other meds. They are sent to her office each month. She treats me practically free of charge....(although there seems to be a change in her attitude now that I have actually filed for SSDI...despite the fact that she told me to file, and swore she would support me, even go to the hearing for me). I am seeing a counselor free of charge through a United Way Funded agency, to deal with the depression, and to find ways to cope with whatever may come.

    My house is in severe disrepair......there is severe water damage from a long-term, undiscovered leak in the roof around the evaporative cooler, which has cause a rather huge mold problem. The house leaks like a sieve, and not just in that part of the roof. I have to put ice chests under the area around the cooler vents to catch the water when it rains........even when it is just foggy and there is condensation. The mold continues to grow. My insurance company is trying not to take any responsibility for the problem.....and there is even a question if I will be able to continue to be able to afford the insurance anyway.

    I live in constant fear and stress about how I will survive until I get SSDI and/or SSI. I obviously have nightmares about what may happen to me......not to mention what happens if I am denied completely.

    I have a house full of pets that mean everything to me. They are the reasons I get up every day. The fear that I could reach the point where I couldn't afford to feed them (not to mention get them vaccinated, or medical care if they need it) keeps me on the edge of despair pretty often. So, I totally understand how you feel about your animals, and how important they are to you. Have you got a local privately owned, donation funded SPCA shelter? We have two here, and one of them takes horses. Perhaps if you have a shelter like that in your area, and if you called the owner and explained your situation, perhaps she would donate the boarding for your horse? I hope that is a possibility for you. I have thought about calling one of the local shelters here to see about getting maybe some help at least with future vaccinations or emergency medical for my babies. I have not worked up the nerve yet....but it will come to that, I am sure.

    I have said many times that if it comes to me having to find homes for them, that will be the last straw for me. And my Father tells me recently that I am "not helping him to help me" because I spend $17 per week on them, and he wants me to "at least consider giving up some of them". I wanted to tell him, "Okay, then, you be the one to decide for me which ones, cause I cannot choose between them." I didn't have the nerve to say that to him, mainly because he would actually DO IT! After a pretty heated argument about it, he has let it drop.......for now. But the frightening and terribly sad reality is that it could easily become "what is best for them" in the long run........if I get to the point that I don't have enough cash to take care of them properly.

    I am sorry to complain so much....and I am sorry this is so long....but I wanted you to know that.......you are not alone.

    That is what is so terribly unfair about our "System". I don't know how old you are.......I turned 49 in July. But being single, and under age 50 makes it even harder on those of us with these DD's. With little or no family support, and usually no support from "friends", plus the fact that being single and under 50 causes us to "fall through the cracks" of the Social Service Systems....I just wonder if the poor souls we read about, who are victims of these DD's, who commit suicide.....I wonder if they were single.....and just "fell thru the cracks"?

    The pain and illness is bad enough, and there have been times when I was so ill, I truly thought I would die before the morning came. But it is the idea of losing everything......the ability to work, the ability to do the things in life I love, the support of family and friends, and then, slowly but surely, go bankrupt and then lose my animal family, and end up homeless on top of the illness........that is what makes ME consider suicide. I have never wanted to kill myself because of the pain or illness......in fact I have been afraid the illness would kill me. But in reality, it is the poverty, and the depression that comes secondary to the circumstances, that is lethal.

    Last year, I started keeping a "gratitude journal" at the suggestion of someone who convinced me it would make me feel better. I was skeptical......but it truly does make so much difference. No matter how desperate things were the day before, I get up every day, feed and talk to my animals, and then talk to God by writing down in my diary every single thing I have to be thankful for......only some of which I have mentioned here, such as a house and a car that are paid for, a generous landlord, and all the other help I have received. After I count my blessings, I pray for guidance and strength to get through one more day, and to solve whatever needs to be solved that day. I am slowly learning, through this method, to focus only on TODAY.....do just what needs to be done today, and to trust that I will be guided to right answers. And every time I think the world is going to cave in on me.....something comes through.....I am guided to the help I need to solve the "financial crisis of the day". Despite my fears......and despite my desperate moments......I keep on getting up every day, and loving my sweet creatures, who give me great joy and unconditional love, thanking God that I have them, and so many other blessings....and taking one day at a time.

    I hope that something I have said will be of some comfort in some way, and that maybe you will come up with some ideas based on the things that I, and everyone else that replies to you, tells you.

    My prayers with be with you, too. I know what it is like to be dealing with this all by yourself!

    God Bless You!


    [This Message was Edited on 11/03/2002]
    [This Message was Edited on 11/03/2002]
  11. sofy

    sofy New Member

    You are not going to like what I say so be warned. Take a good look at your assets and your expenses. A horse and a dog? I lived without a dog for 10 years because I didn't feel I could afford it. I worked and saved my money so that I could take care of my self. Now I am in the same position as you and am grateful I took steps to provide myself with a safety net of savings. Do you really expect to not be able to work, take money from others to live and still provide yourself with the same life style. I have applied for ssdi and have no qualms about anyone who needs it taking it but first you must help yourself. You cannot afford the horse and must do the adult thing and find someone who will be able to provide love and a good home for it. You Can live a good life with change. Accept that change has come and look to see what it has to offer instead of clinging to what you have to leave behind.
  12. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Thank you for being so honest and willing to share your view. Many of us cling to our old lives like crazy because we don't want to make the changes necessary to survive in our new circumstances. We swim against the current. It is so much easier when we become proactive, remove those things, people, and situations which we can no longer afford, and go with the flow. Bless you.

    Love, Mikie
  13. teach6

    teach6 New Member

    As difficult as it may be to do, Mikie is right about letting go of our past lives and accepting our new ones. When I was able to do that I found my life was much less stressful. I now am able to set better limits and balance my life better to cope with it. I still make mistakes and pay for them later, but I'm getting better at handling things all the time.

    One thing I would like to suggest is an internet course I took last year. I have subsequently taken two more from the same source. They have been very helpful in learning how to live with these illnesses. The courses are for people with FM and/or CFS. I have both, so it's perfect for me, but I think a lot of people have benefited from it besides me.

    To find out more you can check out their website. Go to cfidsselfhelp (it's a dot org). Good luck!