What do YOU do with all your negative emotions?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by cjr2003, Oct 17, 2006.

  1. cjr2003

    cjr2003 New Member

    Hi everyone :>) . . . I haven't posted in a long time. I

    went back to work in mid-July about a month after having a

    laparoscopy for endometriosis. I had what the doctor

    considered a small spot on my left side; it was

    cauterized. The stabbing pain that I had been having

    ceased after my surgery and I am thankful for that but I

    still have alot of pain from simply having endo. About 5

    days before my cycle I have pain throughout my entire torso

    that is quite uncomfortable. Sometimes it still hurts when

    I ovulate as well. And about the same time that the bad

    pelvic pain starts before my period, I have severe PMS that

    my dr. has diagnosed as PMDD and is treating it with Zoloft

    100mg daily. It has helped alot; for some time, I was

    having bad PMS everyday of the month. Now, at least it has

    been reduced to about 5 days before I start my cycle. BUT,

    I am just so very angry during these 5 days. It is like,

    someone is pushing my adrenaline/bad mood button and there

    is not relief until I start my cycle. It is just about

    unbearable. I just want to lock myself up when I get like

    this, but obviously I can't do that and hold a job. It is

    so hard for me; I have really been struggling with it. I

    feel like I hate everything during these 5 days ( and

    everyone) and nothing can soothe me. I try not to unload

    all this pent up anger on my dear husband, but I cannot

    bottle all this up either. What am I supposed to do with

    all this? I keep asking God Why and how I am supposed to

    deal with this disease I have and every year I am diagnosed

    with one more thing to add to it all. Having fibro was

    hard enough, but now having endometriosis and tennis elbow

    I feel like I am going to lose my mind sometimes. NO ONE

    wants to hear ( friends,family) about how hard life is

    because of the diseases I have. Everyone is too busy

    living their life to pay enough attention to it anyhow.

    Why is life this way? When I see a friend in need, I

    respond to it, but it rarely works the other way anymore.

    What is wrong with society these days? It is really

    sad. . . . thanks for listening. I thank God for every

    day I live; but I am running out of ways to cope with all

    this, I really am. LOL Carla
    [This Message was Edited on 10/17/2006]
  2. Cinlou

    Cinlou New Member


    I am sorry that you are hurting so much....I can relate to having bad days, too....that time of the month is just awful to deal with.....
    What I do when I am feeling awful in pain and feeling like I could bite the head off of a snake...is pretty much what you just did..vent! and vent some more...then I have a good cry when I get the chance to let my emotions come to the surface...before work or after...whenever I can....and then I say a prayer of gratitude, if that makes any sense..
    I am grateful for this board and all the people on it, that I have a place to go and vent, and someone knows the way I feel.
    Hang in there Carla....vent away...we all care about you.

  3. enjoysue

    enjoysue New Member

    Mary is right,vent vent vent!! It's the only way I know how to diffuse the situation. Perhaps writing it all down on paper would help too. If your any kind of artist whether it be a poet or painter that would work too. I think to try and divert out attention elsewhere is worth a shot. I have the tennis elbow too and golfers plus tendonitis and at the very least a bone spur on my shoulder. All on the right side. I see the ortho tomorrow and if he doesnt order tests or give me a shot of cortosone I think I might explode one of these days!! I'll probably be venting tomorrow too!!I feel for you and hope you start to feel better soon.

    All you can do is be the friend you want to be and TEACH others how to be a true friend. Every once in a blue moon when my friend complains about her knee replacement or her back is hurting her I reminder her that I wish I could have surgery or go to a chiropracter to make my whole body pain go away. It's the truth so why can't I say it?

    Experiment what releases your anger or anxiety at this time and try something new if what you've used doesn't work. We are all a work in progress.
  4. blonderescue

    blonderescue New Member

    Hi Carla,

    I feel for you. I understood all you said.

    You have to unload that Anger somewhere. Anger turned inward becomes depression.

    Depression becomes toxic.

    Toxicity kills.

    I hope this helps.

    PS> be kind to yourself - sounds crap but if you are kind to everyone else, put yourself at the top of your list. Took years for me to get this one!


  5. maedaze

    maedaze New Member

    I too had endo, I suffer from cfs and fibro. I had key hole surgery 4 yrs ago, i was in constant pain. They found 4 spots and dealt with them although I was always sure they missed a spot on my right side. The surgeon was sure she missed nothing.

    Things got worse and in the end i was in pain every day. I ended up having a hysterectomy last year. I made the surgeon take my right ovary, even if it looked alright, I wanted it gone! When I came around my surgeon said, i took the ovary out but it looked normal, have sent it to the lab. It came back that there was endometriosis inside the ovary!?? My surgeon has never come across this before and was quite amazed.

    I on the other hand have been pain free in the pelvic area and even been able to have sex again, (much to my husbands releif!!) It was the best thing i have ever done, i don't get the 'pent up anger' like i used to before every period. In fact i don't get any indication of when my cycle would have been. and i don't miss it at all!!

    I know I used drastic action and it certainly is not for everyone. I still have a risk of it coming back as i still have my left ovary which is functioning. And this has been knowen to happen after a hysterectomy and the ovarys are left behind, endometriosis can still happen.

    It's an awful disease to have to live with, and on top of everything else it just gets unbearable. Treat yourself with kindness and try not to take it out on hubby too much, they get quite snippy after a while!!!

    I have a friend who is my 'venting' partner, where i can yell, cry moan etc and get it out of my system.... she makes soothing noises and agrees with me!!! and i do the same for her. We don't take each others 'stuff' on board as we both understand that it's just the feelings of the moment and we need to get it 'out there' before we end up taking it out on our families in anger.

    Hope things ease up for you soon
    take care, maedaze
  6. Adl123

    Adl123 New Member

    Der Carla,
    I'm so sorry to hear about the hard time you've been having. Please let me share what I did:

    I went through a time of intense anger. It got so bad, that I had a physical pain in my chest. I asked a friend what I could do about it, and she suggested that I "breathe it out". Well, would you know it? It worked! The pain disappeared. Now, whenever I feel anger welling up in me, I take a deep breath and breathe it out. I visualize the anger leavng me, as I exhale. I'm amazed at how this little thing has helped me.

    In your case, where the anger is caused by meds., this might not work. However, it just might.

    Good luck,

  7. cjr2003

    cjr2003 New Member

    Appreciate everyone's thoughts this morning. Had a pretty

    good nights rest for the first time in 2 or 3 days and that

    has seemed to help some with the "bad mood". ( for the

    moment anyhow!) :>) I was instant messaging my mom last

    night and she gave me the email address of one of my

    cousins who her dr. thinks that she not only has endo but

    fibro as well!! I coudn't believe that! I had prayed before

    I got on the computer last night, and my mom instant

    messaged me right away and told me that. I am looking

    forward to emailing her. My mom was telling me that she (

    my cousin) is having the same exact symptoms as me right

    now, with the pent up anger and pelvic pain and

    everything. One of my supervisor's at work was recently

    diagnosed with fibromyalgia and she already had MS and

    rheumatoid arthritis so I sent her a little "thinking of

    you" and "praying for you" letter in the mail last week.

    Am trying to connect with those that I know have similar

    chronic illnesses to have someone to hopefully vent to in

    the near future besides my mom and husband. My one

    girlfriend that I thought was a good friend just can't deal

    with my illness and she diverts the conversation everytime

    I talk about it, and that has really hurt but I have moved

    on now, what else can I do, you know? I love her, but if

    she can't be there for me, I feel the need to look for

    different friendships.

    enjoysue : I used to write poetry and was good at it.

    Maybe I should try getting back into that. When I was in

    high school that was how I dealt with my inner feelings on

    many things. IT always made me feel better.

    maedaze: how wonderful for you that your surgery has

    helped in the intimacy dept as well!!!! My husband and I

    have had many ups and downs in that dept. especially before

    my laparoscopy took place; we couldn't have relations at

    all by then because the pain was so intense and it would

    leave me sore for days upon days upon days if we did. We

    are able to have relations again now, but, we have to be

    careful; I still tend to be sore after.

    Terry: I think I will try" breathing it out" when I start

    to feel the anger building up again. I know my melatonin

    that i usually only take at night helps to soothe me and

    relax me. I was thinking about taking it during the day,

    like half a pill to see if it would help then too. I know

    breathing exercises have helped my migraines before so why

    not try it on this. Thanks for the idea :>)

    Thankyou everyone for all your ideas and thoughts - I

    really appreciate this board and everyone on it. Love and

    hugs, Carla

    [This Message was Edited on 10/18/2006]

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