What do you say?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by rockinrobin, Jan 24, 2006.

  1. rockinrobin

    rockinrobin New Member

    Hi all, I'm just wanting some help. What do some of you do in difficult situations when people have no clue what Fibro entails? I am part of a church that is expanding, & they have been holding meetings, wanting EVERYONE to get involved in whatever way they can. They actually (with no notice), had 5 different areas that they wanted people to volunteer from. They handed out paper, & you were suppossed to fill it out. I left it blank & went home. Basically you were expected to participate. I think because I do not work, due to health issues, they think that I should feel like helping in some area. I have even had a person say to my face, when I finally drug myself to a bible study w/ my husband, that it was "about time I came. They were about ready to come get me". I wanted to ask them if they go to work when they have the flu & are achy all over, let alone sit through an hour 1/2 of a meeting or church. I think my husband is getting impatient because I don't get involved. I do not want to commit to something when I don't know that I can follow through. Is it awful to just want to go to church, & do nothing more? I don't even do things through the evenings for fun, let alone serve on a committee. Should I talk to my pastor about this (which I don't really want to do ), or just keep my mouth shut? I'm just so frustrated at people sometimes ! Help! Any suggestions?
  2. sharon5650

    sharon5650 New Member

    Oh boy do I ever understand that!!! I have been asked to help with the cooking and my daughters school and to be a soccer Mom...lol can you believe it!!! a complete joke on my behalf...my daugher doesn't understand...neither does the school...they know I am home.......I am just saying..." I am very sorry, but unfortunealy my scedule doesn't allow me to particapte in this..or my illness does not allow me to ...but we can not do this, we never know from one day to another...you can speak to your pastor privately, I would think this is the best idea for you...he will understand....good luck...I do understand for sure....me a soccer mom....can you believe that one..lol
  3. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    I was asked to join a lodge. I said, "No. I grew up in a small town. If you belong to a group and don't participate, people don't like it and talk about you."

    "Oh, no. We have many older members and those with disabilities. We understand."

    So I joined and was immediately asked to perform some function at every meeting. I explained I couldn't and got this response: Well, I have Cancer!


    And the last issue of the newsletter had my name on the front page as someone who seldom attends.

    So no more groups for me. Rather stay home w/ a book.
  4. JLH

    JLH New Member

    You just need to tell them that you have some medical problems that prohibit you from participating in extra activities. You are sorry, but at times, you even have trouble making it to the services. I wouldn't go into detail what your medical problems are--they wouldn't undersand anyway--and would just be busybodies and talk about you!!!!! LOL (that was joking)

    When they talk about "it's about time you came, we were about to come and get you" bit, say that "I appreciate your concern, there is no need to come and get me--because I will always be here when I feel like it ... or when my health permits."

    Sorry if I sound rather edgy, but I just hate it when people try to force me to do something and keep nagging on you. I have distant relatives who keep telling me that I ought to come visit their church sometime. They tell me that every time they see me. I get sick of hearing it!!! I rather politely told them last time that I would come when I feel like it. They just do not know that I will NEVER feel like it!! LOL

  5. lil_angel1198

    lil_angel1198 New Member

    should talk to your pastor.
    There is nothing wrong with saying 'no' when you are really unable to do it. Your pastor should understand. Just tell him, if you feel up to helping with something, you'll be there. But you don't want them to depend on you since you can't fit into a schedule like others do.

    Our church is very good about that. Everyone knows my sister and I have FM. They also know we do much of the stuff that goes on with the ladies fellowship. We also both sing each week and take care of the music each week.
    When asked if we can do more, we each say no, because we are both serving the best we can, neither of us can or should take on more.

    Just talk to them and let them know.... they should be understanding, and if they aren't, maybe it's time to find a new church. (sorry to say that, but it's true)
  6. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    YOU CAN BE ONE OF THE 'PROJECTS' THAT NEEDS VOLUNTEER HELP. THEY ARE SOMEHOW MISSING THE MISSION. I NO LONGER ATTEND CHURCH AS I FELT THAT THE CHURCH BECAME NOT REALLY A CELEBRATION BUT A BUILDING VYING FOR ATTENDANCE WITH OTHER CHURCHES, FAR TOO CAUGHT UP 'IN ALL THAT' INSTEAD OF WHAT WE SHOULD HAVE BEEN DOING. PRAYERS WOULD BE RUSHED AND GARBLED, PEOPLE IN THE CHOIR WOULD SQUABBLE ETC AND I EXPERIENCED THIS AT SEVERAL CHURCHES AS WE MOVED A LOT. I SERIOUSLY BELIEVE YOU DO NEED TO SIT DOWN WITH YOUR PASTOR AND EXPLAIN THAT IT IS YOU THAT NEEDS HELP AND SHOW HIM THESE REPLIES. I KNOW IT IS EASY TO SAY, 'PEOPLE PROBABLY JUST MISSED THAT YOU WERE NOT WELL, THIS IS WHY YOU ARE NOT WORKING' BUT WHY? CARING PEOPLE SHOULD NOT MISS SUCH AN OBVIOUS DISABILITY. SIMPLICITY. LOVE CROM