What do you want from your posts? Let's make that clear up front!

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Darcyfarrow, Mar 31, 2003.

  1. Darcyfarrow

    Darcyfarrow New Member

    Short and to the point, I hope

    Some people, it seems, want a little reassurance and empathy, but are looking mostly for information.

    Others want to push ahead despite handicaps and need positive encouragement through the examples and attitudes of other posters who have made great or small strides to live normal lives.

    Some people, I believe, feel better about their situations by reading the difficulties of others. This is human nature.

    Some of us just need a sympathetic ear and a sympathetic reply, because we can see, in our present misery, no way out except the attention and the chance to bond with someone on this web site.

    Some of us repliers are motherly types, great at verbally cradling a desperate soul when there seems nothing else can be done.

    Others of us, however, are, have always been, and will probably always be, fixers. If you show us a problem, the more empathy we feel for you, the more we will try to fix it. Often our ideas are stabs in the dark because there's no way to know all the details, or because we either didn't read a post very carefully and misunderstood something in it.

    We fixers are usually in a hurry to pass out as much good advice as we can, because our concern and empathy is as real as that of the motherly respondents.

    Bottom line: I don't think it's right to criticize someone who is only trying to help, especially if no real physical harm was done. The very fact that these fixer types are willing to reply at all shows more caring than most readers will give.

    Nor should these respondents feel the need to apologize to a person who comes seeking attention and then gets offended when readers haven't CAREFULLY read her long, meandering posts! What is THAT about!? I'm sorry to say this, but if such a person treats those she must deal with in real life this way, it's not suprizing she's alone with no one to help her.

    As a fixer I have this to say: when you're in your darkest hour, at the bottom of the well, it makes NO sense to bite the hand that reaches down for you,just because that hand is accidently reaching down the wrong side of the well.

    Peace, Darcy

    Oh yeah, I forgot my stated reason for the posts. If all you want is sympathy and empathy, valid reasons for posting here in my humble opinion, maybe you should state that, but if you're looking for ideas, you could shout out something like "Any ideas out there?" Maybe some one could invent some of those email symbols for possible desired replies. The better we understand each other the better our site works.


    [This Message was Edited on 04/01/2003]
  2. nogilroy

    nogilroy New Member

    i guess i am looking for information
  3. srollins

    srollins New Member

    I agree completely.I would like to think I could reach out to a person and provide comfort in some way to one in need.
    But it would be sad and hurtful to get my head bit off in the process. I am sure that everyone on this board has the very best of intentions and we all are hurting "physically and emotionally".
    Everybody just needs to take a deep cleansing breath!I am sure we have all been there at one time or the other.
    I also know that knowing that does not really make a person feel better.But for those out there that are in the dumpster this morning,I pray for you to have a more peaceful day today." ONE DAY AT A TIME" Hugs, Shirley

  4. catnip51

    catnip51 New Member

    I'm not looking for sympathy at all. When I write a post I'm looing to see if anyone has suffered my symptoms which are strange at time. You can't blame everything on fibro and docs are not much help sometimes with complaints. We all know how doctors are, some are concerned enough to dig others pass it off as depression and others say its just the fibro. Who knows better than the people here what is sometimes normal with there CFS or FMS. Thats why I ask.

    When I respond it is hopefully to answer the question that is asked and give moral support to those who need it.I don't play doctor, just know that it gets rough sometimes and we need a little support or reassurance at times when we feel bad. I don't get many responses on this board and I'm not sure why. Is it because we have some that are pals on this message board and only respond to who they no? Or is just because they don't have answers to what we may be asking. Sometimes I can't believe that there are many who do not know what your experiencing especially the weird symptoms that go on with us at times. I don't take responses to my questions negatively just appreciate an answer even if I don't like what is said. We all need friends here, that is why we communicate on the message boards, either for friendship, reassurance that were not wackos, or suggestions to help us feel better.

    I truly don't know what I would do without friends. It's always nice to know someone else feels what were going through and were not alone. Do I want to lay back and feel sorry for myself, No! I push till I can't push no more and when I'm down or questioning what is going on somedays I come here looking for support.Sorry but I'm not being sarcastic just making a point as to what these message boards mean to me. Not sure if others will agree and thats ok, we have a right to our opinions. I'm just hear if anyone needs me for whatever reason, sympathy, support, suggestions or just someone who just needs to know there not alone......Hope I didn't offend anyone, not my intention....
  5. Madelyn

    Madelyn New Member

    I only post for information. Experience from someone who's had a certain test I'm facing, or with a drug I'm facing.
    I have to say I'm puzzled at the posts that get a lot of response, and those that don't.
    Madelyn
  6. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    I do think it's a good idea to have in mind what one is trying to accomplish when posting. There is too much area for confusion otherwise. Unfortunately, some with our illnesses are so fogged, in shock, in pain, and depressed and/or angry that it is difficult for them to even know themselves what they need or want. Then, if they do not receive what it is that makes them feel supported, they feel disappointed.

    So folks, it will help us all to give this some thought before posting. Please ask straight out what y'all need from us. Understand, however, that fixers may still reply to people seeking support and supporters may still reply to people need info. Sometimes, I am so moved by someone's need for info, which is waaaay beyond my area of knowledge, that I simply reply to bump the post and let the poster know he or she is in my thoughts and prayers.

    As I have mentioned before, it is also a good idea to be more precise in the title of the post too. Also, please be concise to keep the titles to one line. Thanks.

    Love, Mikie
  7. sofy

    sofy New Member

    You are so right some need hugs and reasurrance and the touch no matter the distance. I get my power by being a fixer and hugs and all are not as positive for me as they should be but that is the one positive this illness has given me. It has taught me I cannot fix everyting and I have to reach out and ask for help now and again. You know it didnt kill me to do it and it gets easier all the time.
    Compassion is the one thing we should all have for each other even when one of us is being really a dunce. Hey I've been in that corner with that hat on, but I survived and the rest of us will too. Fight on with hugs!!!!!!!!
  8. Dayle

    Dayle New Member

    DARCY. WE NEED TO ALL REMEMBER THAT WE ARE NOT PROFESSIONALS HERE. SOMETIMES YOU MAY RECEIVE ANSWERS THAT ARE NOT HELPFUL & SOME THAT MAY EVEN BE HARMFUL. IT'S UP TO US TO TAKE THE GOOD & LEAVE THE BAD. ALSO WHAT WORKS FOR ONE DOESN'T WORK FOR ALL.
    I THINK I HAVE THE ANSWER TO WHY SOME POSTS DON'T GET ALOT OF ANSWERS............CHECK OUT THE THE NUMBER OF HITS...
    .........MAKING LOVE GOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    LOL,,,,DAY
    [This Message was Edited on 04/01/2003]
  9. JaciBart

    JaciBart Member

    Sometimes I think we just get on a problem with our communication and we just dwell on it. We need to just drop it and not keep renewing it with more attn.

    I do want to clarify a misstatement tho that I made and I did not word it correctly.

    I was replying the other day to someone here who just wanted understanding, not everyone telling her how to fix it and all I was trying to do was acknowledge her hurt, what I had said in my post was something to the effect of "The sound like people who do not have this dd, I did not mean the persons posting did not have this dd, I meant that sometimes they SOUND like they do not have it, as in the normals do, they say thing like (they being the normals) that we should just get off the couch & do something, we would feel better. They (the normals) when they say that stuff is hurtful to us as what we hear is (You are just lazy" and that is ignorant, not knowing the facts & realities of this dd and offering their ignornant attitude only makes it worse. Several people responded as if I had said they do not havet his dd, not at all what I meant, and I said something referring to us being intelligent people, it is true, we all are accomplished person who were able to do anything. We are intelligent enough to figure these damn traits of our dd out.

    Jaci