What is it with Husbands when they get sick?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by rosemarie, Nov 1, 2006.

  1. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    I am at my wits END. My husband has a BAD cold along with diebeties. He has a insuling pump on so I know that he is getting close to the right amount of it. But then again I don't really know for sure.
    The last few days all he has done is come home and bite my head off.

    To night it was that he could not find his cell phone , I said I will call it and if you hear it ring then you will know it is upstairs he agreeeded and then bite my head off for calling it as it could be at the office or in his car or on the darn ground for all he knew.

    But he was so angry with me for calling it that I hung up and told him to not expect me to help him find it. "I did n't ask you to help me find it." was the reply.

    I said fine and left him along the rest of the night. When he went to bed he came upstairs coughing so hard that he sounds like he is going to throw up .

    I told him to take the cough and cold medicse that my daughter left here as it should be ok as she can't take much being pregnant. He came in the living room and patted my head. GOOD WIFE SIT <BEG, BARK I feel like a dog. Just command me and I will do it.

    I have had it I am going to tell him that I want to start doing all the grocery shoping and I don't want NO for a answer I want to have money for me.

    JUst to go out and have a diet coke if I felt like it and not feel guilty for asking him for money as I have NONE of my own.

    And I want him to shut up about all the mistakes I made raising the kids like he would know as he was drunk for most of their early years. And has no clue as to how women think or feel or even respond to stress's. And he never will because HE IS ALWAYS RIGHT.

    I have reached the point of I can't take this treatment any more. IF you want to have a happy wife then treat me like your wife not your maid or child.
    I don't card if I am throwing a hissy fit. He does often enough. I don't get it with men {sorry guys}

    But when husbands get sick they do one of 2 things #1 is they want you to wait on them hand and foot and baby them and take care of them and do this and that for them. #2 is they don't want to have you any where near them. JUst leave me alone and I will be fine.

    That was what he said after throwing up for a week and I was the one that said no more get in the car and we are going to the ER NOW and being sick enough he did. HE spent 4 days in the ICU for debetic keteioacidosis.{SP}

    AS soon as he started to feel better it was don't waste your time comming to see me as I can get more rest when your home but it was alright for all his friends to be there to see him but not me his wife of 26 years.

    YOu would think he would learn that marriage is an aequal partnership not a dictatorship. And I am sick of being told what i can do and what I can't do.
    And having to ask for money for a hair cut and to dye my hair so that I Look like I feel better than I do. IF he felt better I would just smack him and tell him just how he makes me feel.

    I would write it in a letter but he HATES notes , letters and gets pissy at me for writing them in the first place. So he does not know just how angry I really am at him.

    Now having said how I feel I am going to go to bed as I don't feel good. Having these pain full contidions I have learned that when I get angry I get sick to my stomche and need to go to bed and sleep. So that is were I will be.

    Thanks for letting me rant and rave. NOW if you could just give me the braveness to tell him how I really feel and not have it matter if he gets angry with me for feeling how I do.
    I don't like confrontataions as it just upsets me and he never gets the point of what I am trying to tell him as he is right and I am not.. And he can't understand why I get upset at the things I do becasue to him they are small things.

    So I get told to not sweat the small stuff. URRRRRRRR GRowl BIT@#$. But I love him any way I just can't get him to know and understand that I have feelings that he has no understand of and never ever will untill he lets go of his BEING ALWAYS RIGHT and NEVER WRONG.

    Any way I am off to my bed where I can sleep. Thanks for being here to listen and to the men here not all of you are alike so please don'dt take my rantings of my husband to mean that all mean act like he does.

  2. monamea

    monamea New Member

    Rosemarie, men are such babies! I live with a bear, he is always sick or hurting, whats worse than that he say's that he hurts worse than me as he is the one milking the cows and doing farm work. That just pisses me off, he was milking cows before I married him, I milked along side of him for 13 years, sometimes by myself. I started getting sick in 1999 in 2003 my doctors told me no more in the milking parlor, I get hernias so easily so no lifting pass 20lbs, does he care NO. He's mad because I can't milk cows so when I'm having a bad day his is worse, I don't say anything because I would be wasting my breath. Yes, they are a pain in the butt and are very childish, but we put up with them. I tell mine if you are going the be like a bear go bite someone elses ass!!!
  3. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member


    I am sorry about the difficult time you are having with your husband.

    Hopefully, when he gets better, you can just tell him to treat you like the good woman you are.

    Sometimes husbands growl because it is the 'macho' thing.

    I understand that you are probably sick of it by now, but he may perk up when he feels a little better.

    Like you know: men will be men. (Not an excuse though)

  4. homesheba

    homesheba New Member

    i just had a fight with mine this morning before he left!!!
    i also am so tired of being treated like a dishrag ,

    and yet he never admits to any wrong doing...

    i dont get it.
    i also have to grovel for money and stuff
    and if i get my hair done.

    .. he says
    ' what did yiu do to your hair??"""
    real ugly like.

    and that kills me.

    i even threw a wooden spoon at him this morning!!
    ha ha!!
    and i an not the spoon throwing type.
    ..hee hee
    we were both shocked!!
  5. CelticAngel

    CelticAngel New Member

    Mine resented that I could no longer work because I was ill, would chastise me for not being able to do all the housework, would blame me for not being able to go out somewhere with friends (even though I would insist he go even if I couldn't), would complain about how tired he was, how sick he felt, or whatever and it was always worse when I was feeling worse (like it was a competition), would spend what little money we had on stuff for himself (cd's, dvd's, etc) while there were times when we didn't have enough for bills or medicine...and of course that was my fault because I wasn't working. It didn't matter that when I was still able to work I made more than him and all of my money went to bills and groceries and stuff we needed, or that I still got money (disability from work) when I first got ill.... We have been seperated for almost a year now and will be getting divorced as soon as I can come up with enough money to pay for it (he won't). Through "sickness and in health" meant nothing to him.......when I became ill, he did not stand up. Whenever he got a cold or flu, the world was coming to an end and the list of complaints was long. No, not every man is like that....thank god.... but with an illness such as the one we deal with, men like that only make us worse. Even if they can not understand what we go through with our illness, if they at least TRY to it makes such a difference.
  6. Dixie_Amazon

    Dixie_Amazon Member

    I feel 'ya Rosemarie. Currently my husband is trying to quit smoking and has the flu. It is ALL about him.
  7. mary124

    mary124 New Member

    My husband just got a flu shot, along with that he gets a touch of the flu (better than a full blown case of it). Anyway, he comes home from work yesterday, saying my arm hurts, goes to bed, this morning he wakes up and starts complaining! I ask if he wanted to stay home, he said no, later at work he calls me starts to complain, I told him I was busy gotta go. Meanwhile, here I had a procedure not even 2 weeks ago, had complications, go to work,in pain, etc. because if I even start to say anything, he just looks at me and tells me its not too bad as I had this stuff before!
  8. Redshadow

    Redshadow New Member

    In all my experiences 99% of men are big babies when it comes to pain. My husband acts like the world is going to end if he bumps his leg into the wall.

    LOL mary124!
    [This Message was Edited on 11/03/2006]
  9. CanBrit

    CanBrit Member

    Can't live with them, can't live without them!

    My dear hubby, who has a multitude of illnesses in his 45 years young, has just come off steriods for a Crohn's disease attack that lasted since the beginning of the summer.

    Then, just as he's gone through withdrawal from the steriods (always a fun time!), he's come down with pneumonia. On top of that, he's trying to quit smoking! Between working and babysitting him, I'm exhausted.

    I don't think he's even noticed I haven't been able to stand up straight the past week. Good Lord, what would they do without us!

  10. pw7575

    pw7575 New Member

    It sounds like a pretty crappy day for you. I think you should DEFINITELY tell him how you feel and make it perfectly clear that it is not ok to treat you this way EVER...not when he is sick and not when he is well. You have enough to deal with being sick!

    And if he won't listen to you and thinks he has done nothing wrong than maybe more action is needed on your part. Not all men are like this and he needs to know that. He needs to know that you CHOOSE to be with him and you don't have to be....something maybe to motivate him to shape up. You should NOT have to ask for money!

    I hope you can find the braveness that you were asking for to tell him how you feel. Sounds like celticangel has been there. She found the strength she needed and I KNOW you have it in you too. Just keep in mind that NOT ALL MEN ARE LIKE THIS and you don't have to put up with it.

    I hope things get better for you!

    Take Care,
  11. Callum

    Callum New Member

    You and Rosemarie are right, not all men are like this. As a man, I have to say that I have a very strong constitution for pain.

    However, my partner (also a man), who is NOT a whiner in general - boy, the minute he gets a cold, he becomes such a baby! "I can't go to the gym, I have a cold." "Pamper me, I've got a cold."

    I wonder if it is because he is rarely sick, when he does get something he just has no frame of reference!

  12. johnston

    johnston New Member

    I call it as I see it. I think your husband is having an affair. He was afraid his cell phone was where it shouldn't be and "she" would answer.

    When YOU value yourself, you will require better treatment from someone else. You will not allow yourself to be exposed to someone who does not treat you the way you deserve. Work on YOU and YOUR self-esteem.

    My husband is very, very supportive; because he married an RN. He is very analytic. I know he loves me. I also know my career factored into his decision, so I feel very guilty.

    But when we were arguing once, which is rare; because he doesn't talk. REally. He said "I am tired!" I said "Welcome to my world! Now you know how I feel every single day!"

    Hope you feel better soon! Rhonda
  13. johnston

    johnston New Member

    My husband is very, very supportive. Because he married an RN, I feel quilty that I can no longer perform in that occupation.........Sorry, Rhonda
  14. Granniluvsu

    Granniluvsu Well-Known Member

    Hi Rosemarie, (This is granni)

    My husband is also a very big baby and if I ever complain about something an ache or pain he has it too. So, why boher complaining. It does no good anyhow. We have been married 44 almost 45 years and have 5 children and 8 grandkids. All in all things are pretty good but you always know how he feels at all times. I thik alot of men are like that unless they are like my son). You have to drag everyting out of him. I have had some of the same problems as you but not as bad.

    pne of my daughters was married for 15 years, had three boys and is now divorced. He nver gave her any money for anyting and never did anything wit the kids except for early on when he was a cub scout leader or helper. Then he changed shifts again and was either sleeping or doing nothing. She almost left her when the oldest now 16 was little because of drinking. He went to AA or whatever for awhile and hen didn't go anymore. I guess he stopped with the beer for awhile and then back and forth. She didn't tell me he was back at it but I could see the signs. She left him and as miserable and broke as she is she is alot happier.

    He wasn't physical but pshychologically and mentally abusive. t her. Once she got a job she left. This is a long story and isnt over yet but she is happy even if things are very hard on her. He is so lazy and there youngest has leukemia. They found out almost after she let him. There sort of share custody but she has all the work and does all the crap. The hospital is far from home and so she is also trying to find a new job closer and is losing days from her job in bringing him for his chemo. X hubby always has an excuse. The oldest is with him and I feel so sorry for him but he loves his dad.

    Sorry for venting. However, just look closely at your situation. Some things are similar and others are not. Just be careful and when he gets better let him know exactly how you feel. Even the best of them (men) can drive you crazy sometime with their babysih ways. My DH is an only child and you can tell. I still do love him and he is alot better about some things than he was. Getting better with age I guess. Let us know how wthings go for you !! Go girl !!

    Gotta run and det dinner as DH has to go out tonight.,

    Hope all goes well and best of luck to you.

    Blessings to you,

    That granni (Marilyn)

  15. Jordane

    Jordane New Member

    Men certainly require a lot of work; mentally and physically.

    But they say the same about us.

    If one ever has a baby there wont be a room large enough to hold all the women watching!!!:>)

    I believe mine is getting fed up with all my problems with this DD.And there are times I cannot blame him.I am fed up with them!!!

    Anyway dear I hope things get better for you.And that he comes to appreciate who you are and understand what you are going thru and feeling!!!!

    Sending hugzzzz,
  16. saddlebred

    saddlebred New Member

    My husband is a biiiiig baby when he's sick. He has diabetes and doesn't always do the right thing. When he's sick he wants to be babied one minute and left alone the next. My oldest son is that way also, he wife now has to put up with it. Her response to my son, "get over it!" My youngest son it like me, leave me alone, just cjeck on me every couple of hours to see if I need anything, but leave me alone otherwise.

    I say it's just a guy thing we have to live with!
  17. Lolalee

    Lolalee New Member

    Rosemarie, I'm sorry that you are experiencing such a difficult time with your husband. My husband is the first to admit that he hates being ill. If you think about it, most men feel like they should be in charge and be able to control things and take care of themselves and their families. When they are sick, they can't do any of that and it's frustrating to them. Since I've gotten sick, I try to be more compassionate with my husband. How can I expect him to be compassionate with me if I don't validate him when he is ill. I usually just ask him if I can help or if he would rather be left alone.

    I think it's harder to deal with illness when you are not used to it like we are.


  18. TKE

    TKE New Member

    .....I could clone mine. When my back went out in August he waited on me hand & foot & still is pretty much. All the while he's recouping from hand surgery. He did all the cleaning, cared for the animals & even cooked me breakfast every day :). He's always done the laundry.

    One day he cut his therapy short & came to pick me up at therapy, because he was worried about me having to wait on him. He's very protective of me :).

    He has handed me his paycheck every week since we got married 19 years ago. He never complains about me spending, cause I don't over spend. He almost neer asks for anything beyond his weekly allowance either. He's not into the "men's toy's" thing. No sports of any kind either. Shock!! He does have a Harley & that's it.

    You see his first wife walked out & left him to raise 5 kids. When we met he still had 2 kids at home yet & had just been d'xd with maglignant Malenoma cancer. He also was helping to support his parents. So his outlook on life changed. He does get grumpy/has anger out bursts/etc when he's doing something & it isn't going well, but he never focuses it towards me. Men also can't handle being restricted, so they lash out. We have a standing joke about him turning into an old toad all green/slimy/warts when it looses it.

    I think if more men had things happen to them they'd have a better outlook on their spouses/SO's than most do most of the time. Women just have a better ability to deal with stuff.
  19. lovethesun

    lovethesun New Member

    My ex didn't want me to visit the hospital when he was there because he was afraid that I'd run into his girlfriend
    My husband now helps me immensily.Thinks that he thinks are trivial aren't necessarily.If it's important to you.It's impoortant,You are as good as him.Linda

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