WHAT IS OR WHO IS IMPORTANT?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by little, Oct 18, 2002.

  1. little

    little Member

    I am just besides myself today. I don't know what to do. Everytime I say that it is because of FM my daughter says that it isn't. She works with a woman who is 53 (I'm 57) and belongs to a bike club. She rides 25 miles every weekend. My daughter wants to know why I can't. My other daughter called me this morning and wanted to know why I didn't answer her e-mail from two days ago. Neither one will read anything about FM. Sometimes I start to do something and I get side tracked by something else. They don't understand anything. I have lived with my oldest daughter and her three kids for 18 years. A few years ago I heard her make a commet to someone that she is going to get stuck taking care of me. Things haven't been good between us for a number of years. But I stayed so that I could get help with the things that I can't do. But I have to do everything myself anyway. I am trying to move by myself. I know that it will be hard.What do you do when you can't get your family to understand FM. They make such terrible commets to me. Well if I stayed home all day and sat on my a--. or you could do it if you really wanted to. I know that it is usless to get them to understand but, I feel that I don't want them in my life. It seems that I am so alone with this DD. There is so much to cope with this DD and then to have to deal with ungreatful kids. It is too much sometimes. Is it that important that your family understands this or do I just go on my merry way? What is important, my sanity or keep trying to make them uderstand? I am so tire from this DD that I don't have much strenght left to cope with the family. Thanks for letting me vent. GAIL
  2. little

    little Member

    I am just besides myself today. I don't know what to do. Everytime I say that it is because of FM my daughter says that it isn't. She works with a woman who is 53 (I'm 57) and belongs to a bike club. She rides 25 miles every weekend. My daughter wants to know why I can't. My other daughter called me this morning and wanted to know why I didn't answer her e-mail from two days ago. Neither one will read anything about FM. Sometimes I start to do something and I get side tracked by something else. They don't understand anything. I have lived with my oldest daughter and her three kids for 18 years. A few years ago I heard her make a commet to someone that she is going to get stuck taking care of me. Things haven't been good between us for a number of years. But I stayed so that I could get help with the things that I can't do. But I have to do everything myself anyway. I am trying to move by myself. I know that it will be hard.What do you do when you can't get your family to understand FM. They make such terrible commets to me. Well if I stayed home all day and sat on my a--. or you could do it if you really wanted to. I know that it is usless to get them to understand but, I feel that I don't want them in my life. It seems that I am so alone with this DD. There is so much to cope with this DD and then to have to deal with ungreatful kids. It is too much sometimes. Is it that important that your family understands this or do I just go on my merry way? What is important, my sanity or keep trying to make them uderstand? I am so tire from this DD that I don't have much strenght left to cope with the family. Thanks for letting me vent. GAIL
  3. MsJoey

    MsJoey New Member

    more important and taking care of you and your health. My daughter won't read or listen to anything either. She's 25. My 21 yr old son, bless his little sweet heart, is loving and compassionate without overdoing it and I just love him more for it. I still love my daughter the same, but it hurts that she doesn't appear to care enough to find out what we all go through. My thinking is that you gotta do what you gotta do. If you can become independent and on your own, that might just be what all of you need. Two years ago, I quit my job, and drove 250 miles away and stayed and cared for my terminally ill Mom until she passed. It was hard, but I never once considered it a "burden" and I'd do it again in a heartbeat, even though I lost all my retirement and my credit got ruined. God love my dear husband for standing by me and never ONCE complaining. Poor Mom only lived 2 mo. after the brain tumor (cancer) diagnosis. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do and I do not know where the strength came from, but I just did it. My point is, you can get out of that situation and be independent. Find some friends who will care about you. Sadly, sometimes friends care a lot more than some family members. Well, good luck and I hope you let us know how you are doing. YOU ARE IMPORTANT!!!! Jo
    [This Message was Edited on 10/18/2002]
  4. Cactuslil

    Cactuslil New Member

    each of us will have some reckoning to do. I know fear is the beginning of wisdom and wisdom dispells fear by faith, however.....getting there is an up and down, sometimes sideways way of enduring, hopefully, with grace til the end.

    I had my dear old "earthday" 10/10 and discovered I was 53 instead of 54 (?)...some fuzzy math I suppose but I have a ten year old son I have no choice but to raise as honorably as with as much positive stewardship as I can possibly muster. I did not have any health probs except the ever-present clinical depressive illness I've had since age 13.

    The positive health lasted about two years then after much denial I decided I did have a physical problem and yes, I kicked the pricks but no more.

    My two daughters, grown, don't really get it even thought the younger 28, moved in about a year and a couple of months ago because I had had nothing but "H" with whomever I rented the little apartment out too and she was/is quite attached to her little brother. I am a single mom.

    She does not realize a thing and has given me one year of almost unmitigated hell! Now after a year has past we sat down for a review of the situation and what can be done to make this work. I now have to address my diabetes which has been on the back burner as I wrested w/numerous other boring but necessarily medical matters. NOW my diabetes threatens to cause me to lose my lower mandible...not a pretty sight! I live on SSI, receive child support and she pays me half of the fair-market rate on her apartment, which is now added to my modest home and she has a living room which we refer to as the Gaza Strip for obvious reasons;her bedroom could be on "traveling texas"; it is awesome I must admit, as is her garden yada-yada; in the meantime ole mamma here is up to her hubs!

    Dear friend. I do not get it how our families can fair to see the pain, the effects of medication ups and downs, the progression of this condition which "they" say cannot progress...they are dead wrong! My son, too, is my salvation. He does understand and although he can be bought by his sister ($), when the sun sets, I know his faith is deep, real and his testimony alive. This is hard.

    I do not have but a couple of friends locally and they both have what I have; one more severely than I, but she is well-oiled and can have atleast some comforts plus a hubby that idolizes her; the other a godscend also as we share a common belief system and can spiritually sustain each other.

    Yes, hang tight. You answer will be unique for you as you are unique. If your family doesn't yet want to take a deep breath and face the realization that you are no longer super mom, the rock of the family; the time will come. Distance may help. After an absense of two years my parents were shocked at my condition. And I mean shocked to tears which scared me too death...I did not think I was THAT BAD! Best to you. Love CactusLil'
  5. blondieangel

    blondieangel New Member

    Well, i don't have kids (and never will becuz of this disease) but i have 2 younger sisters who have completely abandoned me and are cruel and rude to me. i am under so much stress due to my circumstances, i finally realized i did not need to take their abuse! i thought they would change and i kept going back for more (abuse)! it's my life, i live in this painful, malfunctioning body, and no ones gonna do anything to help me!I have to take care of myself and do what's best for me. My mother died a year b4 i was in the car accident(bringing on FM/CMP), after i was her primary caregiver for 8 years! and i am estranged from my crazy father and his nutty wife. my in-laws are rude and show about as much support as a rock. so, screw everyone and do what ya gotta do. you can't force literature down peoples thoats. don't play the martyr. these people are selfish - fair weather friends, so to speak. i have learned the painful emotional hard way, this lesson in life. if people truely care, you will know.
  6. contessa

    contessa New Member

    I really hate the concept that we have to love our family no matter what they do to us. We wouldn't put up with friends treating us that badly (most of us wouldn't) yet we take it from family and men. Is this just a woman thing going on. I cut loose from my family when I was 19, my mother had already aleniated everyone and they wouldn't see how awful she was. I haven't seen her side of the family in 30 years. I do wonder how my cousins are doing now that they're pushing retirement age. But I'm closest to my dad's side of the family, and they're the ones my mother hated. One cousin is almost a sister to me. Another is helping us with a home loan so they don't forclose on us. They're wonderful people. A strange happening brought us together after 30 years. Two of us moved from Chicago to the same little 5,000 population Wisconsin town. We had been living as neighbors for several years and my father never bothered to inform me. Cousin and I had talked several times and not known who it was after so many years. I guess I'd like apple pie and happy holidays, but they're not feasible. My immediate family is all deceased now anyway but I don't regret cutting loose the pain makers. I wish my cousin still lived here but they're all scattered across the country now. I think of them all the time, especially the missed moments we could have shared had it not been for dear old mom. Sorry you're hurting, I hope you find a way to live peacefully.
  7. Kim

    Kim New Member

    Gail,

    It's hard for me, never having had children, to understand the pain you must be feeling. When I was first diagnosed, in 1999, my wonderful friend called my older brother and his daughter who live in NY and told them I was getting worse and worse. She told them they better come right away because I was going downhill fast. They did eventually come down but actually went on vacation in South Florida before they came to see me. They went to Mayo Clinic with me and heard my diagnosis. Of course, insurance wouldn't pay for "chronic fatigue" but it would pay for "fibromyalgia" which was part of my diagnosis. The other part was severe major depression. Of course, now if I have pain, fatigue, fogginess, or any other remote symptom everyone, including my best friend things it's the depression and ECT will make it go away again. What they don't understand is the car accident I had in 2000 when some careless teenager totalled my car and put me in the ER triggered this garbage again and added to it. I readily admit when I get relief from the depression I feel 80% better but I still have headaches, pain, anxiety, you all know all the stuff that goes with this. Oh, I'm sorry for rambling and I do want to end this on a positive note. In January 2001 I had a major remission. Honestly, I thought I was cured (ha ha). But during that time I met my sweet husband and he is a winner. He's not a money maker but he learned how to do massage, cook, and will read things I give him. He will take me to the doctor and we are soul mates. I thank God so much for him.

    Kim
  8. little

    little Member

    I want to thank all of you for your replys. The replys gave me an up lift. Some how we all manage to go on with this DD. Some days are more difficult than others. Thanks again for your kind words and support. I know where to go for it. LOL. GAIL
  9. Dara

    Dara New Member

    I also have two adult daughters. One is understanding the other is not. According to her I don't try to help myself because I don't exercise. She is a fanatic about exercising and running, I at age 56 can not do what she can do. I really think that daughters are exceptionally hard on their Mother's and I have often wondered it it's more out of concern that they might end up with what we have!! They say "what goes around, comes around", someday she will regret the mean and hurtful comments.

    Dara