What is the BEST Advice a Therapist Gave You??UPDATE

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by 1sweetie, Jul 18, 2006.

  1. 1sweetie

    1sweetie New Member

    I just posted a thread yesterday that was titled "What did you do fo you ever felt THERE IS NO WAY OUT???". I appreciate everyone that replied and will get back to that post as soon as I can.

    The reason I added the info about my first post is that I finally found transportation to a therapist. I am very leery of most of them due to past experiences when I was dealing with a "family situation" several years ago.

    I saw carebelle's thread and it made me remember how crazy some of them can be and I don't need that. One had me buy a rubber ducky and put it in a tub and then wanted me to make a collage from pictures in a magagzine. That helped me so much.

    I was advised when I was first diagnosed to see a therapist to help me deal with the "loss of my life". I was too sick to go for a long time and then I have a problem with transportation. I did try to go to 2 for 1 appointment each and I knew they did not get it either. I am sick and need to know how to deal with a new life...I was not depressed and got sick. I got sick and am having trouble dealing with the anger and the very reason of my existence.

    I read ggiggi's post and thought that is what I need to ask.

    What is the best advice that a therapist gave you? I need some hope before I go today and am hoping someone got some good advise. I am scared to go.


    [This Message was Edited on 07/25/2006]
    [This Message was Edited on 07/25/2006]
  2. cymbeline

    cymbeline New Member

    I have just come back from therapy and read your post. My therapist is great. She doesn't give me advice, she listens and trys to make sense of what i say and help me to make sense of it all as well. I find this really helpful. If she doesn't quite get it she explores it with me until she does understand. I think therapists should be curious and their role should be to remain curious and openminded, to understand the world from your view and to help you make sense of your life, not to tell you how your life should make sense.
    I don't know what type of therapist you are going to see- mine works from a psychodynamic/integrative perspective which is quite exploratory and i take whatever i want to a session each week. If you were seeing someone who works from a CBT perspective they are likely to be a lot more structured in their approach but should still be trying to help you discover things for yourself, to find what works for you not telling you what to do.
    It is worth thiking about why you are going to therapy and what it is you want to achieve from it, how long you are able to commit to going, and the ways in which you already think about your life, also are there issues you don't want to talk about. This should help you decide if this therapist is the right one for you at this time, eg: you probably donn't want to see a psychoanalyst if you don't want to talk about the past and can only go for six sessions.
    Don't be afraid to ask what approach they take, how long they usually work with people for, if they have seen anyone with similar difficulties to you, etc, they shouldn't mind answering these sorts of questions. Most importantly though, decide if you like them, do you think you can work with them.
    I hope this gives you some ideas.
  3. 1sweetie

    1sweetie New Member

    Thank you so much. You made me think and it will help me so much. I do not know very much about her.

    I need to go into my past. If you read my bio there are many issues that I have been through and always "sucked it up" and was strong. There are deeper relationship issues that I did not put in my bio. For the moment I need to deal with anger and frustration and lack of identity. I feel worthless and empty now. I always wanted to help people and put a person's value on what they did. Now that I am unable to even take care of myself, I have lost my value. I miss the person that I was. I liked her and so did most people. I would not say that about the person that I am now. I was a giver and I need to learn to value myself now.

    My problem is transportation. I need long time therapy I am sure. I need to go to many places but I am at the mercy of others.

    Again thank you.
  4. shootingstar

    shootingstar New Member

    I think one of the most important things is to choose someone with whom you have rapport. It that connection, ability to relate, is not there no matter how good the therapist may be for someone else, you may have to go elsewhere to find someone who will relate to and be helpful to you in your situation.

    I can't think of any one piece of advice that has been more beneficial than others, but the two therapists with whom I felt rapport, even though we were all very different individuals, were definitely the most helpful. The first was a good listener, positive, imaginative. Another therapist was very helpful in that he would call a spade a spade. Very practical. Also had good rapport there.

    If you don't have that connection with whomever you see first, my advice would be to try to find someone else right away. Staying in a bad situation can add to your problems. Wish you the best.
  5. 1sweetie

    1sweetie New Member

    I love your name. I live in a rural area and we love to go outside when they are predicating meteor showers and we have seen the space station 3 times now.

    Thanks for the advise. I do need to feel comfortable. Who leads the session? I feel if I dump all my problems on her she will be overwhelmed. Do you just start with the problem of the moment?
  6. cymbeline

    cymbeline New Member

    I agree with shootingstar that rapport is so important. Don't worry about overwhelming her, it is her job and she will be well able to cope. You just worry about you. Let her know everything because then you will be able to see if she understands and she will have a clear idea of your difficulties to base her judgement of what happens next on. You might find that you can't fit it all in in one session but that's ok, if you forget something or don't have time you will in future sessions.
    Most of all you just look after you and remember she does this as a job, she should know what she is doing and be able to look after herself.
    Hope it goes ok
  7. spacee

    spacee Member

    Was that a close family member was "transfering guilt to me". Meaning that person when they were unhappy with someone (be it a boss or friend or family member), they would not address the issue with the "correct" person, they would try to make me feel bad about something ridculous.

    I can now smell "guilt transference" a mile a way and I just tell them "you are trying to make me feel bad and I won't have any part of it".

    Hugs, Spacee
  8. Lolalee

    Lolalee New Member

    I have a neighbor who is a Therapist with many patients who have FMS/CFIDS. I know how fortunate I am to have someone like her so close to me. She always tells me to slow down whenever she sees me. No matter what I'm doing she reminds me to slow down and rest.

    The other helpful advice she gave me was to "embrace" my illness. She told me that she finds that most people want to push through and act as if their lives haven't changed and then get angry because pushing makes their bodies feel worse. She told me to embrace my illness; to go to it and not run from it. She said "welcome it and just ask my body what it needs". She also said to talk to the little girl inside of me and to treat myself the way I would treat the little girl; to cut myself a lot of slack.

    She's a gem and that advice has helped me more than anything.

    Good luck, sweetie.

    Lolalee
  9. 1sweetie

    1sweetie New Member

    That's what I have been doing. I keep pushing and I know I should not be but I don't know who to turn my life over too. I've read to delegate but I don't have anybody standing in line to delegate my life too. When I did delegate, it has been a mess. This is why I am so angry now. I feel so much anger and I don't like that and I am not handling it correctly.

    I like her advice. I hope I find someone that understands.
  10. achy

    achy New Member

    She changed my entire way of thinking with this....

    She said your thoughts, and even mood, can be changed very easily, with practice. She said to look at the wall....


    -There are 3 paintings on the wall...A basket of flowers, A puppy, and a ship in a stormy sea.

    -If the painting of a stormy sea upsets you, just look at one of the other paintings. If the puppy reminds you of a dog bite...look at a different one.

    The same is possible in your mind. Upsetting thoughts, or pictures, are in your mind.....well - change the picture.
    Change your thoughts to that great vacation you took...Or a funny thing you daughter did.

    It's not always easy, and it takes practice. But you will be amazed...it works!!

    achy
  11. carebelle

    carebelle New Member

    I love reading our post I come away everyday with Knowledge to help make my life better. This post is very up lifting for me.

    I did try to push my illness away but when I learn to embrace it I think in a lot of ways I have gotten better. I have been learning to be good to myself to accept me for myself and like the other person said cut myself some slack.

    I am not as hard on myself about anything now and I even this week stood up and protected myself from a saturation that would have cause me stress. I refused to let someone put me in the middle.

    I really because of this Illness have learn to care about myself as I would a child or another friend. I guess that's the best advice someone has given me.

    I always use to think when someone would say "love yourself" it was silly .But I am learning what that really means and I am enjoying my life much more now.
  12. jole

    jole Member

    Having never had therapy (but needing it) I can only say 1sweetie, thank you for this post.

    Much of what is being said here is soooo helpful, and "if I can remember it long enough" will try to put it to use!!

    Friends - Jole
  13. Juloo

    Juloo Member

    My first appointment, after I explained my past stress and the serious depression/post-partum problems I'd had after a miscarriage and was referred to her by my OB/GYN who didn't want to deal with me:

    "You don't need a psychologist. You need a doctor!"
  14. 1sweetie

    1sweetie New Member

    Many thanks to all of you that replied to this post. Each of you gave me ideas that I will use.

    The session went well as far as rapport. It was a "getting to know you session". She wanted to know what my goal was for 6 months from now. My answer was independence. I need that so bad. She did mention alternative therapy (massage) of which I do. She is not familiar with CFS/FM though.

    We talked about AD and I told her because of my last experience with them (made me suicidal) that I preferred a more natural path. I do wish I could take a pill to help and there may be one out there for me but since I've had CFS medicines do not act normally in my body.

    Thanks again everyone. I will try to look at things differently. It is hard when you feel like there is no way out but the brain is powerful and with good ideas, I hope to improve my situation.

    I felt better just having a response from someone.
  15. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Get rid of the toxic people in your life.


    It makes life so much easier.
  16. 1sweetie

    1sweetie New Member

    Both of those are great ideas. I, too, was a people pleaser. When I started to change and work with the assertiveness on the toxic people there has been a backlash.
    People do not want you to change. They know how to make you feel guilty and I already feel that way.

    You guys nailed one of my big problems. I need help in how to handle it more tactfully than I have. My support system was small (and toxic). I need these people but not the way that they are sometimes.

    Chronic illness does not bring out the best in people or maybe it is just the people I am around.

    Thank you so much for your advice. Support is everything to me now.
  17. cymbeline

    cymbeline New Member

    I don't know how much energy you have but there is a book called Man's search for meaning, Frankl, that thinks about lots of the issues you mentioned. It is based on his experiences and the ideas and theories he developed from it. I really enjoyed it and think you might get a lot out of it.
    Hope therapy continues to go well and that she is able to help you explore some of your dilemmas.
  18. dononagin

    dononagin New Member

    was to leave my ex-hubby.. of course I wasn't ready to listen.. and didn't take her serious as this was a lady who told me to blow bubbles when I felt stressed out!
  19. Leaknits

    Leaknits New Member

    Therapist: "Time's up, you have to go now."
    I left and never went back. Feel much better now.
    Lea.
  20. KelB

    KelB New Member

    "I now give you the right to disagree with any doctor who has told you that you are not really ill.

    You ARE ill.

    You're not imagining it and you're not a hypochondriac. CFS isn't a made-up syndrome, it isn't due to stress and you can't just pull yourself together.

    Unless you accept that you're ill, nothing I'm going to tell you in the next eight weeks will help."