what is wrong with me???

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by sixtyslady, Dec 22, 2006.

  1. sixtyslady

    sixtyslady Member

    I really don"t know what board to put this on, but since last year when I was really sick,with dizziness and weakness.I"ve never felt the same.oh I feel somewhat better I can drive by myself again and do light chores but I feel numb inside,no matter how hard I try I can"t feel any joy,anymore.and when people are kind to me I start crying like a big baby.
    is this delayed grieving ,because I"ve lost so many people in the last 5 yrs?
    I just don"t know what this feeling is.I want to enjoy christmas but I don"t want to be around family, or am I holding a grudge because my kids treated be so badly last year when I really needed support.
    now I can be around my sister and her kids and I don"t feel this way. but they all are understanding of my pain.
    and they just accept me for who I"am. they don"t treat me any different than when I was healthy. does anyone else have trouble being around their kids. hugs sixtyslady
  2. morningsonshine

    morningsonshine New Member

    I've done that crying like a baby thing, when someone is nice, or in church at worship time.

    Sound like youv'e been thur alot in the last 5 year on top of being sick.

    I think redwillow had a very nice reply and advise, listen to your heart, and only do what you feel you can.

    hugs,

    Misty
  3. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    You know, I do think that this dd gets to us after so long. There are times when it just overwhelms us. I would give anything myself just for a few hours to feel really well, or even well. I think this is why you feel so down, plus all the losses you had.

    Here is what I just told a young guy today who was just jilted. Put how you are feeling in this perspective: how important would your feelings be right now if a nuclear bomb dropped on the next town? I often use this little remedy to drag myself back up. I also think it is an age thing that cana get to us also. As in "what is ahead?"

    Do you have any good company at all? I do some volunteering which makes me switch perspectives a little and lrave me without much time that day to dwell on things. I also find listening to books on tape at bedtime helps block intrusive thoughts from my mind.

    I do hope you feel better and these things may help you as much as they help me.

    Much love Anniecromwell
  4. WILDWOODWINE

    WILDWOODWINE Member


    I'm so sorry you're feeling so down, but, for what it's worth, I do understand. We lost my dad a year ago Dec. 19th, and my mom, soon to be 81 years young, is having a very difficult time..she cries over big things and little things and things that don't even relate to my dad's death, and it seems to be getting worse. Finally, two days ago, I sat her down and had a really long heart to heart talk with her. I suggested that when she returns from my sister's, after Christmas, that she, first, get a physical..and then get into either grief counceling or go see a professional..and bless her heart, she agreed..she said she is so tired of feeling sad and crying all the time, and realized that she needs help..more help than I can give her.

    You're very lucky that your sister and her family are so understanding. My sister is a "nut job", and I get tired of listening to her talk about my illness, mom's situation, and everyone elses, for that matter, like she was an expert..So one day, I finally asked her "where she hung her shingle"..and of course, she didn't get it..what a surprise!!

    I didn't mean to be so long-winded on this subject, but depression plays funny tricks on people and there are times when we need to seek help from a professional, and he/she will know how to help you.

    I wish you well, and please keep us posted as to how you're doing.
    JB
  5. atiledsner

    atiledsner New Member

    You are not alone in feeling this way. i will write more later as I have to many around right now to concentrate.
  6. atiledsner

    atiledsner New Member

    This is why I said I understand. I didn't mention that my idiot sis-in law left her 4 year old child in a car while it was running and he died from carbon monixide.

    That we also lost my husbands brother age 34 due to heart attack and his dad had a stroke couldn't speak or do much of anything.Then he passed too. I was also close to husbands Granny she passed of old age but i still felt a great loss.

    Just don' get down and give up.Let's be prayer buddies. Things just got to get better.Dianne
  7. findmind

    findmind New Member

    Nothing, dear one, is "wrong" with you?

    Grief is so multilayered; we feel it for one thing and somehow all the other griefs we've experienced pop their heads in too, to be recogized and dealt with at the same time. It can be terrible.

    We with all these illnesses in one body can only take so much and then we can become numb. I think it's our body's way of actually protecting us and is a perfectly normal way of reacting.

    Don't be so hard on yourself, please! It's said everyone grieves differently and in different stages, or back and forth through them, so give yourself some time and maybe some professional help if you feel you need it.

    I go where I'm comfortable on all occasions. I don't even try to justify myself to others, I just say where I'm going and do it. If I go where I'm loved and accepted, if I disappear for an hour's nap during festivities, everyone knows I'll be back refreshed and able to enjoy them more than ever.

    I try to take already prepared food I've bought, or make a couple of my favorites that take little prep time: baked ham, green bean casserole, etc. I do make a wicked dark chocolate fudge that takes about 5 minutes, too!

    I feel with you, and hope you do what is best for you at all times.

    Many huggies and love you muchly,
    findmind
  8. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    Awwwwwww, here's a hug.

    It's called depression and disappointment, Sixtyslady. This time of year especially we have so many expectations as well as memories of better times that we become overloaded with emotion.

    Have trouble with my kids????? Do you have an hour? OH, yes. My youngest son out of town understands more but my older son and DIL here in the same town just don't get it. As a result it's hard to be around them or even my grandchildren because everyone expects the same old Marta as 12 years ago who did it all.

    I've taken a different attitude which has been hard to get used to but it's helped in the long run. I've let go of my kids. Of course I love them completely but I've quit trying to rely on them. "Blessed are they who expect nothing because they shall not be disappointed" sounds cynical but it really takes the pressure off everyone. As a result, my son is being a bit more compassionate!

    In my life on of the biggest lessons has been that I CAN take care of myself.

    I don't mean doing this in a pouty way, I mean we need a change of attitude. I hope today is better for you. Change your attitude and your life will change, even with this illness.

    Marta
  9. sixtyslady

    sixtyslady Member

    I have to thank each and everyone of you from the bottom of my heart.
    this board has been a God sent for me and so many others.
    my youngest daughter just called me ,she just got off her 7to7 shift at the hospital,and bless her heart shes the one thats having xmas eve at her house.and she has to work 7to7 tonight,so I told her she needs to get some sleep tomorrow when she gets home from work in the morning she said she would after she cleans the house.now I know shes going to be wore out and not get to enjoy the evening,shes had cancer,but been free now for 5yrs,so praise God for that but shes also diabetic.
    so I think we"ll go up to her place and help her husband get the house in order.so she can go right to bed tomorrow morning .Her hubby is very understanding of my d.d. and he just lost his Mom 2 yrs ago to lung cancer so he knows what its like to miss ones Mom,hes told me he wishes he.d spent more time with his Mom,before she got sick .
    I see so much of myself in my youngest daughter she tries to keep the family to gather and shes always doing more than her share.and yes she,s already been told she has fibromyaliga.I try to tell her to slow down,I was the same way when I was young,thought I could do it all.
    anyhow I'm just going to try and relax and be thankful for my family,yes even my oldest daughter and her hubby who is a pain in the a"""""".and when I feel its time to leave,I'll have a code word to say to my hubby and we"ll leave.
    at least we"ll be home christmas day,and I just stay in my jammies all day and watch old movies.and of course I"ll check the board and see how all my friends are doing .thank you all so much.and have a happy and peaceful christmas.Love and Hugs to all.sixtyslady


  10. sunflowergirl

    sunflowergirl Active Member

    I've printed it off to post on my mirror to remind myself.

    And yes, sixty.....I understand completely.

    This DD takes so much out of us and depression is quite normal at Christmas time. We want to feel good again, can't understand why other's don't/won't have compassion for us, get resentful for all we've done for them, and wonder where we went wrong. There are many times that I want to adopt another family that will be there for me.

    I'm glad to hear you have a good daughter......that's because she's now got FM and is understanding what you've gone thru. Only two more days and then it will all be uphill from then on. Hang in there.
  11. SusanEU

    SusanEU New Member

    Hi - I don't get on the board much anymore, but I sometimes check in to see posts from some familiar names.

    I have felt like that (not lately, thank heaven), but I am sure you will have better days ahead.

    I had to give in and go on the ADs, I didn't want to , but it literally gives back some sort of life. Not perfect, mind you, but much better.

    Also want to wish you a belated happy birthday, I remember your birthday cause it is on the same day as mine.

    All the best to you.

    Sue in Ontario
  12. SusanEU

    SusanEU New Member