What is your funnyest one liner?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by carebelle, Nov 26, 2006.

  1. carebelle

    carebelle New Member

    Example "Kiss my grits"
    Or "Lick my Boots" That one came from the other board LOL
    What is the funniest line you have heard?
  2. morningsonshine

    morningsonshine New Member

    My grandma always says,

    "Bullshit and Heifer dust" when she dosen't believe you, or someone is talking big.

  3. IowaMorningGlory

    IowaMorningGlory New Member

    "Don't bite off your nose to spite your face." In other words don't do something that will make matters worse for you in the long run. Example: You think your having a great hair day. Your spouse randomly says, "You know, your hair would look so much better if you did something with it." So to spite him you go get all your hair cut short! Who did you probably hurt more him or yourself?

    My mom used to use it a lot. That one and "Because I said so." I swore I would never ever use these lines on my kids. You know what? I use them all the time. Especially the, because I said so.

    After telling them no so many times and trying to explain over and over, it is just easier to say, because I said so!

    Hope this is what you were looking for.
    Take care and kitten hugs,
    Blessed Be,
  4. CockatooMom

    CockatooMom New Member

    I laughed when I read your post on the other board, so I HAD to come check it out!

    I can't think of any one liners at the moment...

    But I'll be back to check after my lawyer appointment tomorrow. I'll also post a message to let everyone know how it went.

    I'm doing a little better though. Thanks for checking in on me!

    Love & hugs
  5. kat2002

    kat2002 New Member

    I tell my sons whenever I get frustrated with them:

    "Don't make me get the flying monkeys!"

    (Then we all laugh.)

  6. victoria

    victoria New Member

    " Don't interrupt me while I'm interrupting you..."


  7. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    bumper sticker I saw today. But the post vanished and I can't remember what it was. Haha.


    Ok. Here we go.

    If I had known grandkids were so much fun, I woulda had 'em first.
    [This Message was Edited on 11/26/2006]
  8. ksp56

    ksp56 Member

    when my parent's used to say " Do you want me to spank you?" (I had one light 'spanking', in my childhood)

    Now what is a kid going to say? Of course I do! Bring it on! or, I am so excited! Please, I've been waiting impatiently! LOL

    My other favorite; This is going to hurt me more than it does you.... LOL Who are they kidding!??

    I still laugh, but it didn't stop me from saying similar things to my own kids!


  9. Greenbean7

    Greenbean7 New Member

    I've always told my girls "If you fall down and break both your legs, don't come running to me!"

    My husband and I don't travel except to take an occasional camping trip in the motor home. Every time he sees something on the news about how the airports are clogged, the ticket prices are out of sight, or the roads are icy or the pass is closed he says: "It wouldn't be a problem if they would stay their a** home!"


    Stop and smell the puppies!
  10. Bruinz

    Bruinz New Member

    "That sticks out like a sore Bum".


  11. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    I like "Sorry to be talking while you are interrupting"(this confuses the interrupter long enough for them to stop!)

    and if someone bumps or treads on you,and does not say sorry:
    "Sorry for being beneath your foot" or "Sorry for not jumping out of your way as you knocked me over".

    My real fave is a British one: When someone says "I thought it would be OK" we say

    "You know what Thought did? Followed a muck cart and thought is was a wedding." (the muck cart would be full of manure)This is very North of England.

    Finally, "Did you have to take a course in rudeness or does it just come naturally to you?"

    Love AC
  12. UnicornK

    UnicornK New Member

    "Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit, look who's here!"

    "Shut up, Voices, or I'll poke you with a Qtip again!"

    And my personal favorite:

    "Do not meddle in the affairs of Dragons....for you are crunchy and good with ketchup!"

    There are more, but these should get ya thinking! LOL
  13. zenouchy

    zenouchy Member

    A fave of my dad's: "If you come to a fork in the road, take it".

    "We're not dissatisfied until you're dissatisfied."

    My wit is very random sometimes. These things just "come out of my mouth" on the fly, like these two oddities:

    1. Years ago, my mom and I were shopping and when we finished, and I decided to get the car and pick her up while she waited at the curb. As I left to fetch the car, I said: "I'll be right back; talk amongst yourself."

    2. "Perform for me; bark like a chicken!"
  14. morningsonshine

    morningsonshine New Member

    The other day i picked up my little one from school, and he was trying to tell me about something, and some how ended up saying,"I don't have a mother."

    I gave him a funny look and asked, "what am I? Chopped liver?"

    Behind us was a cleaning lady, and she cracked up laughing!

    When my kids step on my feet, i tell them, "That's okay, i walk on them too."
  15. Greenbean7

    Greenbean7 New Member

    I prefer to be "pate" instead of chopped liver. Same thing but it just sounds so much classier! lol


    Stop and smell the puppies!
  16. gnanny

    gnanny New Member

    If I had known growning old would hurt so much I would have taken better care of myself !
  17. Shannonsparkles

    Shannonsparkles New Member

    This is the title of a Dr. Seuss book that I highly reccomend - especially the oggling, purple pills and the waiting room fish tank.
  18. Denamay

    Denamay New Member

    My granny used to say to me:"you would cut off your nose to spite your face."

    Another one:" you would forget your head if it was'nt tacked on." These days she would be right on the mark.
  19. mellaart1011

    mellaart1011 New Member

    the polite way of saying Dick Head lol

    after you have told someone off, it feels great to end it with
    "Have a nice day" its the best

  20. happycanuk

    happycanuk New Member

    These are funny and I use a few of them myself.

    I also like "Whatever blows your hair back"