what shall i do

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by chinassa, Aug 3, 2002.

  1. chinassa

    chinassa New Member

    my husband has had a relationship with an ex coworker for 9 months and i knew nothing of it until a call came on his cell ph at 5am one morning.Said it was work related.He had not worked with this person for months and months and has had 2 cell numbers since he worked with her.I want to know what shall i do.He says she was a friend a called and kept in touch just because.(just because what) i asked for her #,he gave me a bogus #.I got the right number (;-) and called her and asked her myself.(her response was it was work related)i asked her why the connection was still going on? She had no answers.(hum) I called her # when he was available to speak to her in my presense and her voice mail came on and he hung up the phone.
    If he wanted to prove to me it was NOTHING why not speak to her in my presense and get it cleared up.Time has gone by but i think of this about every day.
    I have prayed about it and the Lord says forgive him.
    I am not mad just not interested in him anymore as being my husband.What shall I do?
    Chinassa
  2. deecrossett

    deecrossett New Member

    Proverbs 16:20
    He who heeds the word wisely will find good, And whoever trusts in the LORD, happy is he.
  3. MarilynK

    MarilynK New Member

    Hi , I wish i could tell you what todo,but only you can make that desicion.
    Listen to your heart and the Lord and you will get you answers. You allready know the truth and trust your intincts.

    I have gone thru a divorce and that is a terrible thing,
    specially when kids are involved.
    For my self, if i had known what i know know i would have not done it.I live with my guilt everyday.
    I should have done more.
    If i am going to advice you of something it would have to be, go se a marrige conseller together.And try to work out your problems.But you both have to whant this otherwise it will not work.
    I will pray for you that god will give you the stength to do the rigth thing for you.

    I am here for you and if you want to talk just let me know.

    Lots of hugs to you
    God Bless you

    Marilyn
  4. j9miller

    j9miller New Member

    Even if an actual affair has not occured, emotional attachment is just as bad. I believe you need to tell your husband it is time to talk. If both of you are believers then he ahould sit down with you and discuss this open and honestly. It will not be easy to forgive him but if this is what the Lord wants it will happen. Be patient and let God. You are all in my prayers.

    Janine
  5. chinassa

    chinassa New Member

    it further,He ignores me when i want answers and i don't want him touching me which is causing some prob for him.
    If she is only a friend wouldn't he call her in my presence
    and get this cleared up.My heart says there is an attraction and a connection there.We are both saved and I know he loves to talk to people and i have no probs with any
    body else.This i just don't feel it is only talk.He advised her of the change in his job situation and kept in touch
    to give her the new cell #.I wonder where it would have gone if the call had not come in when i was close enough
    to hear it.His boss will not give me the phone records
    from that time period and isn't it funny he can only use the
    phone now for business and family members.Sure sounds like

    a rrelationship to me.I love him as a friend but how do you go from friends to partners back to friends?

    The Lord wnats me to forgive him and i try but maybe my faith is not strong enough.Thanks for listening and thanks
    for the responses.
    God Knows All Things.(which is guess is more importnat than me knowing SOME things.)
  6. chinassa

    chinassa New Member

    He called me a name and it was not my name.So i guess it
    is her name.Well this is finally settled.
    Thanks for yopur responses.
    If we wait i guess all things work out the way they should.
    As long as it's settled i'm ok.That's better than just hanging with unanswered ?'s.

    Jesus is the most important man in my life.I think maybe i was not realizing this for a while.

    I still must give God all the praise and glory.
    I hope all have a Blessed Day.
  7. allhart

    allhart New Member

    as someone who has been threw this you must let all your hurt and anger towards your husband go,its his promblem not yours no matter how much he is hurting you,he is hurting himself as much if not more then you,you will not be able to see this now but you will,tell him you forgive him even if you dont and tell him HE has a discion to make,because if you leave you will always wonder what if ,if he decides to leave you know nothing you could have treid would work,i will be praying for you that god will send you the answers you need to help you threw what ever may come,
    god bless
    kara
  8. chinassa

    chinassa New Member

    Thank You and continue to pray for me.i will pray for you as well.God is still first in my life and sometimes the evils
    of satan comes thru those you love you most i guess.
    Have a Blessed Day.I know you are right about the anger.
    Thanks again,
    Chinassa
  9. Cactuslil

    Cactuslil New Member

    Nothing feels worse than failure in the home. Dear child it sounds as if you have been most willing to forgive, to accept this violation of trust given in marriage ect.

    You did not mention children. It sounds like a great portion of your marriage has been gutted by his friendship with this former co-worker......I was a musician all my working days and it is nigh impossible not to get the hormones up in the air when your with someone that much.

    I truly believe I could have endured all my marriages had I had the commitment, the decision, that I would make this an eternal commitment. I did not have that drive or determination. I like all my ex-husbands to this day...right now I'm a little peeved at little Will's surprise return (not here) he sued for custody!

    We will pray for you here. You are a woman of God, it speaks in your message. If there are no children affected, you may want to really fast and pray for an answer. If this man is not in accord with you, its time to prepare yourself emotionally to trust in the Lord and move on. Love Lil'
  10. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    I am confused as to what you are asking us to pray for, but I will pray that the Lord's will be done in both your lives.

    It sounds, (on a human basis) that he is confused, and may have this woman trying to intrude into your lives. It could be innocent on his part, and not on hers.

    In this world of todays easy morals, some people, men or women, are just as aggressive with a known married man/woman as they would be with a single person. It is against the will of God for anyone to break up a union that has been sanctioned by God.

    With all that is going on in your situation, this woman will bring the wrath of God down on her own head for her trying to break of your marriage. It sounds like she is the interloper here, not even your husband. He is no doubt being tempted and flattered by this womans attention and pursuing him of him.

    I will pray that she be exposed to him, as what she really is. Thats what he needs to see for himself through the eyes of God!

    There is an old expression about getting ones self inbetween a husband and wife, its like getting caught in the middle of an open scissors, you will get cut from both ends!

    I will pray this according to the perfect will of God!

    Shalom, Shirl

  11. chinassa

    chinassa New Member

    to all of you for the kind words and prayers.Our son is grown,so there are no children involved.
    I am continuing to pray that the Lord gives me the knowledge
    and insight to do his will.I have prayed also for what one of you mentioned re: gthe Lord showing my husband the evils
    of this woman,however he has a will as well.
    One of the worst things is i just can not understand why
    you would stay in touch and why he went to her to explain about changing jobs.This is what he should have dicussed with ME!!
    I asked him what they talked about(i know stupid of me)
    and he said his love for me.PLEASE!!Then he said he was
    talking to her about the Lord to help her.THEN he said
    she was helping him,telling him to keep the faith and keep praying.
    I am trying real hard to try to get him to communicate,But if i can not,What realationship do we have?
    I think about my relationship with the Lord,If i did not communicate with him thru his Word and thru my prayers i would have no relationship nor fellowship so how can i with my husband?

    I think just writing all this out to you folks has helped me
    so much.
    God Bless You.
    Chinassa