What should I do? Need Advise!

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by hurts2003, Oct 18, 2005.

  1. hurts2003

    hurts2003 New Member

    Everyone here seems to be so good at advise thought I'd get your opinions.

    I recently did all the flowers for my step niece's wedding (photo on profile). I made the bride's bouquet, 3 brides maids bouquets, bouquet to throw, 5 flower girl baskets and mini-veils for them to wear in their hair, all the cousages and boutineers, 2 ringbearer pillows, and also provided alot of the decorations. It cost me $90 for all the flowers and materials. when she asked me how much she owed me - I told her $90 for the materials but the making of the flowers was my gift to them along with the Guestbook and pearl handled knife to serve the cake with. If she would have went to a florest to do all of this, she would have spent at least $300.

    Her sister came to the house last Saturday and asked me about making her Wedding dress for her. I told her if she would buy the material she needed because I just don't have the $ to spend on it right now and get it to me ASAP (wedding first part of Dec.) that I would try to do it for her but I didn't want to have to rush on it because of my health. I plan on making it for her as my wedding gift to her. Since I don't have lot of money right now I figure I can give her my time it takes to make the dress as a gift.

    The problem is - Christina told me she would have my $ by next weekend. When I was talking to Joann, she said that Christina told her that all of the flowers were a present and that she didn't owe me anything for them. What should i do? Should I ask her for the money or just let it go and consider myself as giving her a very generous wedding present? I don't want to cause any hard feelings but her husband makes really good money and I really need my money back.
  2. CatsKimber

    CatsKimber New Member

    That's a touchy situation. Let me think on it and get back to you if I can think of a good answer lol. You sound like a very generous, kind and giving person!!!!
    [This Message was Edited on 10/18/2005]
  3. bozey

    bozey New Member

    I think I would tell her that there must be an misunderstanding. Tell her that Joann told you what she said and you are sorry but that she owes $90 for the materials and that your labor of love was your gift to her. I'm sure she just misunderstood you.

    And just to be sure to let Joann know that making her dress IS her wedding gift so that don't come back and bite ya in the butt.

    Good luck. I'm sure someone else will have better advise.
  4. CatsKimber

    CatsKimber New Member

    The above sounds good to me.
  5. hurts2003

    hurts2003 New Member

    I asked my boss what he thought I should do about it. He said the same thing that you did about telling her that I needed my money for the materials and to make it clear to her that the labor was the present.

    At least I didn't spend all of the money out of my pocket at one time. I started buying flowers back in February from Wal=mart, Family Dollar, Dollar General, or anywhere I could find the colors I needed for a cheap price ($1 - $3 bunch)a few dollars a week. The wedding was surposed to be in July but was delayed because they said they couldn't afford it then because they had just bought a home. But I could really use the money now. I bought most of them before I had to take a month of work off with my sick aunt and got so far behind with money.

    I told JoAnn that she would have to buy all the materials for the dress herself because I just didn't have the money to spend. I can't afford to get stuck with anyone elses expenses right now. She is worried that she won't be able to afford everything for her wedding that she wants because Christina still owes her money for stuff she bought for her wedding too. At least I'm not the only one that got stuck.
  6. ckk

    ckk New Member

    maybe joanne misunderstood, beings that christina already told you that she would give you the money over the weekend?
    if not, i am not sure what to say i know you shouldnt let it slide though because that is a lot of money.
    ckk
  7. Sheila1366

    Sheila1366 New Member

    I think a simple note explaining the misunderstanding and that your understanding was she would pay you for the arrangments.Let her know that you were really counting on getting paid and didn't mean to misguide her that this was a gift and say I wish I could afford such a genearous gift but you just aren't able.And I would be weary of any favors she may ask in the future.I bet you are a very kind caring woman that everybody probably turns to for help.Those people get used and sometimes never get appreciation for what they do especially for family.I know,I am the same way.I have backed away,maybe you should rethink doing this wedding gown too.

    Good luck,
    Sheila
  8. wickett

    wickett New Member

    I think it would be a good idea for you to tell her that your strict budget does not allow you to spend money on flowers. Be sure to tell her that you love her, & that you are so grateful for the opportunity to create flower arrangements on her special day. The labor of love, Pearl handled knife, and Guest book are the wedding gifts. Could she find away to please pay the $90.00 for the supplies purchased. I find it works out better face to face, and done in a loving way. I don't know what you are comfortable with, but if you could hold her hand while you explained the situation.
    What do ya think of that?
    Wickett
  9. JLH

    JLH New Member

    I think everyone else have given you great advice -- that you need to ask for your money back in a loving way.

    And .... that you should do nothing on the wedding gown for the sister until she provides you with the "paid for" materials to make her wedding gown--accessories for it included.

    I wouldn't care if it didn't get done by Dec.--if she doesn't get you the materials in time, that's too bad. I would be giving her an exact date on when to have the materials to you, or otherwise, you won't have time to make it.

    And ... in the future, I wouldn't do anything for anybody until they provided you with all of the flowers, etc., to do it.

    I also believe .... in the end ... you will be stuck with the price of the flowers. I've had similar situations happen to me before (like purchasing funeral baskets for a service where 3 or 4 people are "supposed" to give me their share of the cost--and they never do--just happened to me a few months ago!)

    You do sound like a very kind-hearted person to do so much for everyone ... and the wedding pic looked great.

    Hugs,
    Janet
  10. Mareeok

    Mareeok New Member

    on the flowers. I like the way 2painful4words worded it. That's fair to everyone.

    It may be a good idea from now on to have it in writing with both yours' and the other person's signiture on an 'agreement'. When you hand the agreement to the person for her signiture you can say it helps you to keep everybody's requests organized for yourself. You may even want to type up a nice agreement and make copies so it looks more professional to the people who ask you for your services. You can put a nice little explination on it regarding what part is the gift and what part you are asking money for. Make sure there is a date on the paper for when they need to pay you what is needed, etc.

    People tend to leave their friends and relatives who are helping them last when it comes to payment which is a shame. I guess it's human nature.

    Word of mouth is a good thing but it can cause a lot of misunderstandings because you are not in control of what the other person says to someone else. This way everyone is happy and you don't get shortchanged for your beautiful work. You are putting a lot of love and work into your flowers. You shouldn't be made to feel uncomfortable.

    Also what Janet said..."do nothing on the wedding gown for the sister until she provides you with the "paid for" materials to make her wedding gown--accessories for it included... " is also a good idea.



    [This Message was Edited on 10/18/2005]
  11. cjcookie

    cjcookie New Member

    You said that the flowers would have cost your step niece $300 at the florist. I would say the cost would have been much higher. We just bought flowers for my Grandma's funeral and just one wreath was $220. Your gift was extremely generous. The advice everyone else gave was excellent - I'm sure it will all work out.