What stress's you out? Some times the stranges things get to me

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by rosemarie, Apr 18, 2007.

  1. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    I am at my wits end. For the life of me I don't know why the dumbest things stress me out. I bought my husband over $200.00 in clothes for work. He told me before he borrowed the money that he would pay me back as soon as he can sell his welder. That is just fine with me.But my middle daughter found out about it and she called me up and said " Mom you should not let Dad pay you back. AFter all he does for you. He has bought you so much stuff and he really can't afford to pay you back .

    YOu should not make him do it. " I told her that it was between her dad and I and he would pay me back because he wants to.
    Suddenly I am a bad person because I am letting him pay me back. In feb of this year I was awarded my SSDI.

    I don't get a huge amount of money a month. Yes I did get a lump sum of money and promptly put it in savings. Just a day or so after I got the money a bill collecter called and informed me that "WE" owed the dentist over $400.00 and it had to be paid right now.

    MY husband did not have the money so you guessed it I paid it. Same daughter is upset because I want my hubby to pay me back for the money he has borrowed from me.


    The strange thing is that when I bought the clothes it did not bother me like it did when I had to pay the way way- way past due bill that he said he had paid. I try to pay the bills I can and I always have done but when you don't have any income for over 4 years you can't pay on the dentist bill or any other for that matter.

    It really drives me nuts when my husband has told me that he will pay a bill and then does not.

    Then I get the nasty phone call from the collectors and I am the one that is told to find a way to pay the bill. Then add my daughter telling me to let her dad not pay me back for money he borrowed or said that he would pay me back if I paid the dental bill. He said that for the clothes as well.

    Maybe I am just stingy when it comes to MY money. But I make just under $400.00 a month and my hubby makes about 24-25 dollars an hour which works out to be just about $2,000 a month.

    Yet he can't pay bills on time. NO one seems to get it that he makes far more than I do and sicne he is the one who is paying the bills , but when they are late I get asked ever so sweetly "Honey will you please pay this for me and I will pay you back as soon as I can"

    It is not a big deal for most people but for me it is. I have not had my own money for so long and I put it into savings so that I could build up enough money to buy me a car as I don't have one.

    Is it wrong of me to ask him to keep his word and pay me back? I don't understand why my daughter is so upset about him paying me back. I don't get it and it is really stressing me out. I feel like I am being so cheap , bossy , money hungery.

    What ever you want to call it I feel horriable about this. Why is it that things that once would not have bothered me now drive me nuts and I stress over them all the time. I do it with other things usually things I can't change or fix so I need to let it go but I can't do it.

    My daughter is going to have to deal with it that this does not concern her and whether her dad pays me back or not. He and I made an agreement and in it he said that he would reemburse me for the money I paid to the dentist and for buying his clothes.

    I do find it strange that paying for his clothes does not stress me out as much as having to pay that dental bill does. What is wrong with me? I am letting what others say to me stress me out. I don't know how to just let it go.!

    So am I alone here? What is it that stress's you out? And why does it. Since I got my SSD { I did not get the SSI as he makes far to much money for the supemental income} I have had to pay for my doctors visits as well as all my scripts.
    { he has a re-embursement program that pays him back for the rx's before I had some money he would send those reciepts in asap but now he has kept putting it off. HE still has not filed for the scripts and doctors appointment from March and I just spent over $45.00 on meds yesterday.

    So what is going on with him. HE is going to give me the money when he gets it. And that is to pay me back for the dental bill. Right ! NOT!} I just want to be able to spend my money on what I really want to and I don't mind if some one borrows some of it as long as they are willing to pay it back to me.

    I to have bills to pay. I have the doctors and I need new glasses and they will have to come out of my monthy income from the disability check. He gets paid every two weeks and I only once a month. Maybe I am really stingy with my money and not very nice about it. I don't know why it bothers me so much .

    So will you tell me what is it that stresses you out , I HOpe that I am not alone .
    Thanks for letting me vent and gripe.
    ~HUGS~
    Rosemarie
    Sorry this is so long
  2. natrlvr2

    natrlvr2 New Member

    I think your husband should pay you back,it was your agreement.And it is NONE of your daughter's business.
    Second,pain does weird things to us.I know for me,I am MORE irritable when I am in more pain on a certain day.Also,I have noticed,my personality has changed too.
    Little things irk me more it seems most of the time.
    Constant struggle to stay in control of my emotions.(yes,I am medicated,LOL!)
  3. lurkernomore

    lurkernomore New Member

    Aww, I wish I could reach through here and give you a great big, <soft> fibro hug. I know exactly WHY this is stressing you out so much. Trust me, I do! I get $20.00 given to me each week by my DH and I don't say anything. After all...HE is the one who works and pays the bills. So I figure this is what he has decided we can afford for my spending money.

    The odd thing is that I don't go anywhere and it can add up fast. But if I don't feel up to cooking and one of our sons come to visit and I order out, that is expected to come out of my...allowance. Me, fifty years old and on an allowance. It gets a bit rough on the old self-esteem, you know? This is what is stressing you out.

    You are a grown woman and you are being treated by those you love the most as anything but.It has hit me hard enough that my working days are probably over. I tried twice to go back and work part time last year and both times I got so stressed and anxiety ridden that my doctor told me I could not continue.

    So there is the rub. I want to work. I want the old me back.But here I am, stuck with the *me* I have, the non-working, non self-sufficient me and I think it has resulted in my feeling as if what control I did have over my life just disappeared.

    The only thing I could suggest to you is to possibly sit down and let your husband and your daughter, or perhaps only your husband know, that your finances do not need to be discussed with her. If she is out on her own now and even if she still lived at home, the parent's financial situation does not need to be hashed out with the child.Especially if she gets critical over it. I don't mean to sound unkind, but what goes on with the parent's money really does not concern the child, unless the child is having to pick up some of the slack.

    Then and only then does the child need to..or get to be an involved participant. She sounds like a kind and concerned child. But you truly do not need this stress. Our guilt is enough, we do it to ourselves. And we do not need anyone else heaping more upon us. I really do understand why this hits you so hard. I apologize that my response is so long too. But your situation really struck a chord with me.
  4. applecrisp

    applecrisp New Member

    I feel for both of you.

    I cant imagine that at all. I guess I'm very lucky. My husband says his money is our money. I take care of kids and house as best I can, he works. I buy what I need and he buys want he needs. And we both buy what we want as long as its reasonable and we discuss things so we dont over spend.

    And in no way is a child have a place to say anything about how you two spend your money or borrow. Completely your personal thing.
  5. GRMonLI

    GRMonLI New Member

    It was my understanding that people who are lucky enough to have the benefit of marriage share their money.

    I am a gay man in a relationship of 10 years. I am fortunate that my partner does understand my illness and has always been supportive both mentally and financially.

    When I stopped working he supported us both when it came to money. It took me two years to win my SSD benefits. When the back pay came it went into our joint account and helped us buy our first house. Each month my SSD check goes into our joint account. He pays the bills and does all the paperwork.

    His Father recently died and he got a sizable inheritance. The money is officially in his name but we always discuss what, if anything, that money would be spent on.

    I do not spend a lot of money on myself because although he does not care what I spend, I still have that guilt of since I am not working I should not spend.

    I am probably the only person who has a partner who goes into his wallet and PUTS MONEY IN so I have some spending money.

    I wish that we had the rights and benefits that many enjoy in the legal form of marriage. It looks like we have the best benefit of "marriage", which is sharing a life, love.......and money.