What to ? My body and my brain don't think alike

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by rosemarie, Mar 6, 2006.

  1. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    I have this problem. I have fibro and my Brain thinks that I still should be the good mother { I have 3 girls , 28 married last august, 24 , not married but is a nanny since sept 17th 2001, youngest is 21 married to a nice kid who needs to grow up and be the dad not the kid and a mother of a almost 1 year old so }

    I hear this so often from family and friends , You really can't HURT that bad all the time. And how can you be so tired all the time when you don't work anymore? And then the hubby of 25 years tells me one day that because I take Mscontin 100 mgs and MSIR that I am ADDICTED to this stuff. NOT dependant but Addicted to it, so I asked my pain management doc if he thought I was. The answer was no.
    I can take my MSIR and the MScontin at 7 aam and not take anouther dose of pain meds till 9 pm. So if I was addicted to them I would not be able to go with out for so long. But it bothers my family so much that I am taking morphine and other narcotics.

    I feel that I get treated like I would do anyting to get my meds and I don't. I follow all instrustions to the letter and I don't ask for more than prescribed in fact I have asked for less. But it matters not as the HUSBSND knows all things Just ask him he will tell you.

    As I have been sitting here thinking I have found that my brain thinks that I to should be up and about cleaning the house and doing all the things that a mother and wife should do. Keep a spotless house and cook good nutrisious meals, and exercise and lost weight as every one knows that if you lose eight your pain wil go away . Right?

    But then when I listen to my body it tells me that if I did all those things like cleaning the house till it is
    spotless and do all the laundry and cook and fix my husband good home cooked meals all the time and do everything that is expected that I should do to be the MOM they think I once was.

    So thinking of my body and brain as two seperate persons I have learned that what the brain thinks I can do the body tells me that I can't and it will not do all the things that my brain tells me to do.

    I some times feel like ther are two of me the person I once was who loved to rondevous and loved to go for walkks with friends and just loved life it's self. And this body now does not do so well, I can't take long walks or I will PAY for it with days of pain and exhustion. I know the limits of what I can do but the family thinks that I don't do enough and I should do more, OH MOM you will feel so much better if you just lost some weight and got some exercise and did it daily, I know taht if I did that I would be in so much more pain than I am now and could not do anything at all.

    I haev tried to get my family to understand that fibro is not the only pain i have but they only hear what they want to hear. I guess taht they felt very hurt 3 years ago. It was at that time that my dear loving MIL was dying and the day I saw her in that ICU she looked just fine and told me that she was ok and would be home in a few days and I was not to worry. She told me of how proud of me she was that I had changed things in my life and had grown up and was a good wife & mother and she loved me as her daughter. I went home that night and with in 2 weeks my husband came home as he was staying at the hospital with his mother and working during the day time. He said that we needed to talk.

    NOt a good sign, so he talked and I listened, He wanted a divorce and soon , he was not happy and heee didn't think that we had anything in common and he wanted this and than but but what I wanted didn't count. All that mattered to him was that he was not happy. And wanted out of this marriage of then 23 years.
    My dear MIL lived for 22 days then went to sleep and went home to her heavenly father. It was so hard for me. I may sound selfish but this woman was like my own mother and had stood by me during times of my marriage when my husband was drinking and was a drunk and she would tell me that it was not my fault and how much she loved and supported me. I didn't really get the chance to greive for her because of this divorce stuff.



    I tried to talk him out of it but when he told me not to see a lawyer was the last straw I knew then that he would not do a thing to make sure that I was taken care of. So I saw a really good lawer who informed me that I could and would get half of his monthly wages and half of his 401K and I would not have to pay any bills as I had been told that I was not to work anymore as my body could not cope with working because of the extensive pain problemns that I had. Degenetive disc disease, spinal stenosis, chronic meyofacial pain syndrome, fibro, bulging disc in L4-L5 , L5 -S1, arthritis in both knees and they were also deterating too. I was so sick and didn't feel so great any more I kept getting told that This was it MOM Dad does not want to be married so don't fight it and don't take dad to the cleaners get a job so that you can do tings for your self.

    I ended up in the hospital with phenumonia and my husband came to see me and I told him that this was just one more bill for him to have to pay as I had been told that because of the health problems I had I could not work any more. WE started to talk and then went to see a marriage counsler.

    WE have been married now for 25 years and we do have a better marriage than we did but ther are stills ome issure that we have to work on.

    I really have times when my body and brain don't agree on what I really can do and what will happen when I over do it. I did that yesterday and today and i am painnng for it now with so much more pain. And if that were not enough I have had a tooth abcess and hurt like all heck. Te root canal is half done and I had to postpone the appointment to finish it as I was in a huge flare and really sick and in so much pain and so exhusted all the time. Then just about a week ago the tooth flared up with zings adn zaps and PAIN when I bit on it. And I don't do pain well. My body apain I always have but to have moth pain it hard for me to handle and I was in tears about this. Finally I got though to the Dentist and was given a Z -pak and with in 1 day from starting the meds the next day when I woke up 80% of the pain was gone and now mooost of it is gone but my face is still swollen and i look funny but It will get fixed next week.

    I want to try to explain this brain versus body busness. I think in my mind that ther are things that as a mother , wife and daughter I should be able to do all the time. And I try but my body won't let me do wha t I think I can do, It makes me pay afor the shopping in teh mall with the daughters and taking a long walk of 23 city blocks and by the time I reached my mom's house I could not walk up the stairs becasue of the intense pain I was in.
    I try to be "NORMAL" but it is not working. Normal is not sleeping till noon because I coud not sleep till 3 am and then I finally fall alseep and I will stay sleeping if the no one bothers me but it is most of the day, I get so tired just washing off the stove top how hard it that ? Not very hard but it is in the standing that causes my legs to start cramping and burning like they have been over worked. I have to stop and rest and put my legs up and do nothing for a while and out of the blue I will just dose off, my body will jump and it will startle me and then I am doxing off once more.

    I don't like this and I don't want to do it but because I am so sxhusted all the time my body is winning this war with the fibro. All I want is my family to understand what this fibro and the degenerative disc disease, chronic meyofacial pain syndrome, arthritis in knees and left wrist, and having 2 buldging disc;s in my back do to me and how much pain they cause me each and every day.

    They are stuck of the fibro, not having learned that no 2 peole have the same symptoms and pain tolerances and feel the same way with this dd but the girls think that I should feel this way because some one they know who has fibro feels like this and has given up white bread sugar, milk,red meat, cheese, sweets, you name it and then she tells people that she is CURED and she is not as soon as she were to stop eating like that her symptoms would all come back and be worse than before.

    I din't ask to be one narcotic pain meds but I am and if I didn't take them I would not be able to do anything liek get out of my house and find time for me. I didn't ask to have things that are all chronic pain issues as i really don't LIKE PAIN. And it does not like me..

    but as I stop to think about my life my brain takes over and once again it thinks if I jsut do this or that tto please my family I will feel better. So I try to do the exercing and walking and keeping my house really cleaned up and then my body pays the price for what I do. It woun't get up in the morning and it is always in pain, I feel like I am 2 seperate people a brain that thinks I can do what ever I set my mind to do. And my body who knows that when I try to do all the things to conquer the world I will pay for it with some very serious pain and exhustion, I will not be able to do any thing at all, and I don't like feeling like this. Pain is so much a part of my world that i just accept that it will always be with me.

    I try to follow the streches I should do but I don't do them as often as i should do. I want to know where did I go? I once loved to paint . I did and still do some told/ decrotive painting that are really good and I have sold some of what I have painted. And I make baby bath towels with hoods so they will keep the baby's head warm after his bath and i sell them too. but lately I just don't have it in me to do anytning. I hurt from the tooth ache and the infection has just wi ped me out. I miss me the mom who would spend hours talking with her daughters about anything and everything and now we don't talk as much because MOM is on drugs.

    Why does that have to come in to the pitcure? I don't get a BUZZ from my meds and I don't take more than I should. So why does it bother everyone so mcuh and why won't they let me keep it between me andmy doctor like is should be. They don't like the doctor becaue h e prescribes pain meds for me. I can't do the facet injections because of reactions to the meds that are used and they only make the PAIN worse. I see 1 docotr and go to 1 pharmacy, and I don't ever ask for more pain meds that I should be haing during the month, I follow the instrustions to the letter and still I get no respect from the family.

    What do I do? MY heart hurts from feeeling like i haev failed them my girls because I have been taking pain meds like I should just as they are written for manymonths now. So why do they feel ike i am a drug seeker and take just what I need . So why do i feel so bad?


    So I came up with the mind and body situations. I am one person who tries to do all the right things so tat i will bfeel better and not take to much of my pain medsl I am a mother and a wife . I just want to do all the things tat wil make me happpy nd have some fun evrynow and then is there something wrong with that feeling?

    So now that my mind and body don't agree with each other.

    Once I heard a song and I really understood it so well. " Who am I? Where am I going? Why don 't I fit anymore? Help me up I am going under wonn't some one take me as I am. Doubts and fears are comming faster and I am headed for disaster that's for sure. won't someone take me as I am not put me down just pull me up and accpet me as I am?

    I do have to say that here i have found peace and acceptance of the things are really good nad I know that some one will help me when I ask for. I once did every thing I could and now I am . I really don't wnat my just to be my old self once more . I really am just one perosn but sometimes it is . I once was. Even though I really want to be and to do what i once did with my life.


    Maybe once I will be alllbe to do what i once did but untill then I will try to work harder
    thaks for letting me rant on and on. sorry if I don't make and sence ,Thank you for letting me whine and vent.
    Hugs to all ,Rosemarie
  2. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    RoseMarie:
    It is better you let all of that out. Maybe you can let it go now (at least temporarily). I had much of the same problems before my divorce (and after).
    I understand the mind/body thing. Sometimes I am sitting in a chair and know some things need to get done, but I can not roust myself up to do them.
    My pain is bad. Only rest on a heating pad seems to help.
    I did get divorced over these darn diseases and it hurt, but at that point in my life I knew I was better off without him. He had much of the same complaints as your husband.
    Now, I simplify life. I have a woman who comes in every two weeks to clean. It really is not expensive and living alone helps keep things neat. The cost is not all that much and it takes a load off of my mind.
    Yes: mind/body. It is like being between a rock and a hard place. You rest up and let all the worry go.
    Hugs,
    NyroFan
  3. smiffy79

    smiffy79 New Member

    i read as much as i could but had to skim through it.

    are you saying if you dont keep the house straight, have dinner on the table and look good for him then he will not wnat the marriage anymore?

    all you can do is your best at that moment in time, if you force yourself to keep going when your body is screaming stop stop then you will end up in hospital. how many times would he need to see you pasty and unable to stand before he gets it?

    you know you are not an addict and you know that the best way to get as much as you can done is to look after yourself. is he listening to you now? i hope he is, dont take any sh't.

    * a man who can stand tall and see a problem and work with it is a man far more worthy of your efforts than a man who tries to force the problem out of the window.*
  4. Crispangel66

    Crispangel66 New Member

    With our disease you really have to listen to you body and go by what you feel like you can do.

    If you are like me there isn't much I can do anymore, my husband thank God is very understanding.

    He has gone to the dr with me many times though and also he has been to different dr's with me who have all diagnosed me with fibro.

    You know we are NOT lazy we would like to do things we could do before.

    WE do NOT want to take all these pills I get sick of taking them as I'm sure you do too, but we couldn't get anything done during the day if we didn't, it helps with our ability to get out of bed!

    Maybe you should suggest they visit this website and read some of the posts. Your husband your girls and anyone thinking your making this all up.

    I don't know if you saw the post that someone did about the letter to friends and family. YOu could print it out and hand it out to all the non-believers.

    I am so sorry for you b/c I am lucky in the way of support b/c not only do I have fibro but my sister in-law had it before I was diagnosed and her mother has it both of my sister in-laws daughters have it. My daughter is diplaying symptoms but she is still in denial as I was for the first years after diagnoses.

    I kept working, worked at a nrusing home and kept getting headaches from the Multiple Chemical Sensitivity and would be worn out as if I had worked a double shift.

    After that I got a job at a cafe and the hours were only from 6a.m.-2p.m. and I got a break for lunch, but I would be worn out when I got home, we only lived about 500ft. from the cafe and I would be dead tired when I got home.

    I then got a job working in the school cafeteria, BIG MISTAKE, kids are very disrespectful! BUt the job wasn't even a ful time job and I was just a substitute worker but I was worn out after this job.

    So finally I went to a "New" dr who happens to be the same dr I see now, and he told me not only did I have fibro but I also had arthritis. Then he told me things being as they were that he could stop me but I really should stop working and slow down at home too.

    I finally listened to him, and I'm glad I did, no I do not like feeeling useless I am not.

    I am there emotionally for my son, daughter, husband and any other family member who needs me.

    I do still do some dishes and wash some clothes, of course when I wash dishes I have to do it in 30min intervals throughout the day, then my husband gets to feeling sorry for me and will finish tem for me.

    Then on washing clothes, my husband has to carry the basket in there and set it on a rolling chair so I don't have to lift it as I have a bulging disc herniated disc and degenrative disc disease, so were trying to keep from making my problems any worse.

    Sorry this was so long, I will pray for you that your family will learn to understand what you are going through and stop doubting your need for pain meds.

    Also will pray that your mind and body will start working together and if they don't that you will be able to listen to your body and not your mind.

    {{{{{{HUGS}}}}} Pamela
  5. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    Isn't it, it does steal the part of you you really want to be. As for others. WHY do we all come here? Mostly even nice friends stear clear because we have this for "too long".

    I think this clearly illustrates how most people see us, including doctors who just want us to stop bothering them.

    However, after saying all of that, we Do have our bright days and things we can still do, if only for shorter periods
    and plus those girls are old enough to be understanding this, it is really not you who are failing them, but the girls who are failing to see your limitations. Let's face it as a mom we have given so much to our kids and the time should come for them to see that.

    I hope you will just lean back and accept you ARE a good mom, and a good wife,you really are, and stop measuring yourself in what you are able to do/give but by how much you care. Those around you need to learn this too, and stop measuring you by how much you can give and they can take. Also, we do not describe people on insulin, or mentally ill people on neuroleptics, or people with seizures as ADDICTS, these are needed meds, so stop berating yourself.

    Love Anne C
    [This Message was Edited on 03/07/2006]
  6. floridamarlen

    floridamarlen New Member

    i know exactly how u feel. my husband is bipolar and son is adhd.hubby is totally disabled vet so he brings in all the money. i had to stop working because he couldnt take care of our son. now iam dealing with arthritis in feet hands and knees (along with fibro).i do absolutely everything in this house and theres nothing physically wrong with my hubby or son.when i take my one 7.5mg vicodin after breakfast you would think i was shooting heroin.so after many fights i told them both if you want food clothing clean and a meal once a day let me be on the pain meds...god i dont abuse them . they didnt like that at all so i stopped taking them for 4 days. they didnt like that more. oh ya in those 4 days i did nothing but lay on the couch and get up to pee. and when the 4 days were over i did not clean up their mess.its been 3 months now ....hubby does the dishes everyday and actually folds and puts away laundry. our son vacums and sweeps.mom always told me reverse phycology works every time. thank god it did . dont give up.
    best of luck n god bless
    marlene
  7. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    that an awful lot of us were workaholics and perfectionists and always on the go. I wish the people who criticize us had known us then.


    Personally my mind and body have come to a perfect understanding. Everything my mind wants to do is told by my body that it can't.

    Balances out absolutely even.