what to say to rude people

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by sixtyslady, Apr 23, 2006.

  1. sixtyslady

    sixtyslady Member

    help ,please I haven"t been out to a social event since last Nov, so I went to my nephew"s wedding Sat, hes the one who just had neck surgery and he"s like a son.anyhow I was in alot of pain and of course the usual remarks . OH my goodness why are you uses a cane, and whats wrong with you . well I just feel like lying and making up some disease that everybody would know and just me shock by, but then I think no it would be my luck to get the horrible disease.
    So this one gal comes up and says that her friend is a nurse and has fibro and she"d like to come to the house and talk to me sometime, well I"d love to see people.and visit because I do get really lonely. but just as we where leaving the same gal came up and said her friend the nurse had notice that I was walking with a cane when I went to the restroom ,and it would really help if I could get some exercise and lose some weight.Ya Think" I was in so much pain at that moment from sitting in the church pew and at the reception on folding chairs and then cotton in my ears because of the noise.I"m glad I wasn"t near the stage where I could have got a hold of the mic.because I think I would have give everyone a ear ful. So now how do I be polite when little miss nursie comes to my home ,she"s a friend of my sister. and my sister is truly concern about my health.any suggestion of facts I can come back with,so she won"t think I"m just ignorant to Fibro.now the nurse has only been dx with fibro for 2 yrs. I really don"t want to burst her bubble and tell her I"ve had it for well over 10yrs and have went the Dr route and used the usual meds that they give.and yes was in remission for about 6yrs and this time it came back with a vengance.Any suggestions Guys? sixtyslady
  2. julieisfree05

    julieisfree05 New Member

    ..FOR IGNORANCE!!

    Next time someone asks, ask THEM what they actually KNOW about CFS. When they said, "Well..", tell them that you've been studying it for X number of years, and you'd be happy to point them to the research!

    That usually shuts people up for me....:)

    Of course, you can always just tell them to kiss you too!

    julie (is free!)

    Who's that man
    livin' my life..? -Toby Keith

  3. lil_angel1198

    lil_angel1198 New Member

    does she want to come visit you?

    Is it to be a friend, and support..someone who 'knows what you are going through" or is it to 'help cure' you?

    I'd simply ask her that straight out.

    I'd be sure to let her know you aren't stupid. You know all the 'cures' and 'fixes', and have tried them all. Not everything works for everyone. I'd also be sure to tell her that you work closely with your doctor and he and you are dealing with this together. You appreciate her concern, but there is nothing she can do that your doctor hasn't already done.


    Good luck
  4. suzetal

    suzetal New Member

    Answer your door ask before she comes in as to what her visits about.If its to preach to you ask her to leave.

    Sue
  5. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    rude people in the world.

    Best thing to tell 'em is "Goodbye"!
  6. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    Sixtyslady:
    I would ring her up on the phone and say that you decided to just take your doctor's instructions and that you did not appreciate any of her comments. Then I would tell her that she was not a doctor. Period. The end.

    nyrofan
  7. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    I would just tell her I'm not always up to seeing people and would take her number and tell her I will call when I am up to it. That way, no one needs to be rude and she will likely get the message when no one calls her.

    There is nothing worse that people with mild symptoms presuming to tell others that if only they would exercise, they would feel better. That is what happened at the meeting held at our local hospital. It was insulting to all the older women in obvious pain, some of them with their canes or walkers. The bouncy young thing they presented as an FMS case in point was nowhere near representative of most of us.

    Your sister probably means well, but I have to wonder why she mentioned the exercise and weight to you. Does she believe this herself?

    I don't spend time with anyone who causes me any stress. I am lucky in that my family is kind and understanding as are my friends. It is better to be alone than with people for whom your well-being isn't a priority.

    Love, Mikie
  8. Andrea4

    Andrea4 New Member

    i finally got my handicapped plackard in the mail which is reat with this stupid cane. people look and me and say you're too young to be sick..what's wrong with you...did you break your foot...where's your cast? ahem. i tell them that I have a neuro-muscular thing going on and then i rapidly change the subject.

    I am finding that the cane isn't cutting it. i get so tired and wobbily the more i move around....from the apt to the car to take my daughter to school. what's the next step...a walker? i am only 37 and i am thinking of a walker. i feel crazy. i feel defective. and I dont know what to say to rude people.

    i am trying toget some modicafications around my apt complex...just a path from my patio door to the sidewalk and a key lock on my patio door so i can go in and out that way. its too hard to go thru the double front heavy doors with a cane and 2 kids in tow. and its going to cost use dearly....500 for the path, 25 for the lock....i need a ramp down the sidewalk to the parkin glot...they said that's about 500-600. is this stuff tax deductible??? gosh i hope so.

  9. sop28

    sop28 New Member

    Just remember that everyones experience with fibro is different. If her sx are milder than she might not understand your situation. As much as we hate to explain our situation to people, sometimes it is necessary.

    When I was just dealing with fibro (no CFIDS) I was able to exercise some. I started very slow and after a while getting moving helped. I do understand that everyones case is different.

    The thing that I do when I feel like screaming at someone is put myself in their shoes the same way that I hope that they would for me. This DD is difficult for others to understand. How can they understand when there is alot that even we don't understand.

    I would calmly explain your situation to the nurse. If she startes to step up on her pedistal just tell her that you don't appreciate her talking down to you. If she doesn't respond then ask her to leave and explain why you are doing so.

    Just don't forget as hard it is for us to heal with this DD, it is also hard for others to understand it. We may be sensitive to what people are saying but most likely what they are saying isn't meant to be rude. Some people(especially nurses-I would know I am one) find it hard to accept a disease that can't be cured. Alot of the time the comments are actually meant to be helpful, not hurtful, even though we take it that way.

    Good luck, and remember if we don't educate others about our DD than who will.

  10. sixtyslady

    sixtyslady Member

    well I guess,I felt that way because no one knew how much effort it took just for me to shower get dress and go to that wedding but I did it for my nephew, nobody else. I didn"t try to get people to notice me. I stayed in the background as much as i could.My sister didn"t make the comment about the weight and exercise it was a friend of hers and mine. and I don"t think the friend was trying to be rude. its just that this nurse watched me all night. and I have known her before .I found it strange that she just didn"t come over and talk to me and then suggest that we could get together some time .maybe shes scared.our friend told me that the nurse just started to have take pain pills to continue working.I guess shes not feeling very well and her husband insist that she keeps working. she is at the age that she could retire if she had to, she said that she knows that this will probably be the last year she"ll be able to ride her horse. we all rode together for alot of years.and I can"t ride anymore. maybe it just upset her to see me with a cane.I was always a very active person ,I rode motorcycles , snowmobiles,horses and could dance til the wee hours in the morning. but not anymore, but I don"t regret anything I ever did, had a whole lot of fun. I"ll just try to talk with the nurse, now that I think about it maybe she needs to talk as much as I do. Hugs sixtyslady