What to say

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by 2bafriend, Jan 3, 2009.

  1. 2bafriend

    2bafriend New Member

    My best friend has been through so much. These past few weeks, have been extremely painful for her, to the point where she can hardly do anything. She went to her Dr. and her dr said to just double up on her pain meds. -Her back has really really been hurting, (more than w/ just fibro) and her dr never even offered to do x-rays...etc.

    Today her father died. IT was totally unexpected, and she is devastated. Her father, & her were very close and she is taking it very hard. Its breaking my heart seeing her go through this, and not to mention all the pain physically she is in. I'm really worried what tomorrow will bring, becasue she has to make funeral arrangments, etc. She has been in so much pain, and now this will totally bring her down emotionally too...

    I don't know what to do or say to help. I told her i love her & will always be here for her.. It just seems like too much, I'm really afraid this will put her into a serious depression, and i want to help her avoid that. Any advice"?
  2. Empower

    Empower New Member

    You are a good friend because you are concerned about her and want to help

    Do as much physical work for her as posssible, (if you are in her area) clean up her house, make sure she has food, help with the arrangements, entertain guests, drive her where she needs to go, field phone calls....

    There is so much that you can do to ease the burden

    How thoughtful of you to post here

    Talk to her about her father, suggest counceling
  3. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    Oh my gosh, what devastation and sadness your friend must be going through. I truly can't imagine.
    She is dealing with two different issues right now, but the immediate need is getting her through her father's death.
    If it were me, I would just elleviate as much of the details as I possibly could. As suggested, field phone calls, make sure she has food in her house, clean up - be there for her as much as needed. She will obviously just need time to cry - lots of it. When possible, encourage her to lay down.
    Assist with any arrangements as possible - whatever she says has to be done, ask if you can do this or that. You're obviously very close to her - that is what she needs a close friend.

    Is the rest of her family near? Is anyone else helping her with all of this? It's an awful lot for a daughter to be responsible to deal with alone.

    As far as depression goes, well I'm sure she's going to go through some serious grieving and she needs to. There is no right way. Let her do what she needs to do - she may benefit from some counseling when she is ready, but right now, she just needs to get through the next few weeks.

    The added stress, sadness etc. will definitely increase her pain levels. Her own needs will most likely be put on the back burner, so encouraging her to take care of herself will help her out. Preparing meals for her, running her errands, tucking her in for a nap, would probably be appreciated.

    If it were me, I know I'd need something for my nerves, so my Dr. always prescribed me some Xanax when I went through a really tough time. (never have taken it regularly) does she have anything like that? If she is truly a mess, something like that may help calm her a bit. All I had to do was call my Dr. and tell her what I was going through and I had an Rx waiting for me at the pharmacy.

    You are a dear dear friend. No one knows what to say in such a difficult situation. However, I'm sure your presence is the best gift you could give her during this time. Don't worry about saying the right thing. Hold her, allow her to feel what she needs to feel, be her safety net.

    Her world has been "rocked" so to speak so it's normal that she is going to be a mess and possibly go into a depression. I know I would. I'm extremely close to my parents. She has to go through all of the stages of grief. It just stinks that she is dealing with pain on top of it.
    Sleep is what she needs as well and lots of it!

    She is lucky to have you!
  4. daylight

    daylight New Member

    First I'd suggest a second opinion . An xray should have been done and
    possible muscle relaxers,pain relievers.
    I can't imagine the pain she's going through all of this . To lose a parent
    is so difficult to handle. She is very fortunate to have you as a friend.
    If you can convince her to go to an urgent care she may get better treatment there rather than waiting for a doctors appointment .
    Also Lycra or cymbalta may help with the depression and pain.
    If only to help her through the grief a little.

    She's fortunate to have you.
  5. 2bafriend

    2bafriend New Member

    Thanks everyone,

    Unfortunatly, i havn't gotten to be with her alot through the past 2 days. But her husband and another friend has. I hate watching her suffer so much, and being able to do nothing about it. Tonight i saw her for a few min, and she looks so exhausted. I did give her a big hug, and i just keep reminding her that I'll always be here for her, and lots of people care about her very much! She was really close with her dad, just as i am with her so i can't even imagine how upsetting this must me. Her brother is the executer of the will, and is helping to make arrangments. I'm frustraited, because he called early this morning and rushed her to hurry and get to the funeral home. Its like he didn't even consider the physical pain she is in, let alone the emotional pain they are both going through.

    I'm a Sr. in Highschool, so reluctantly i have to go to school tomorrow, but hopefully after school i can be with her. I know this is gonna affect her for awhile, but she will always have me here to care.