What to tell the Boss ?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by jonskanlan, Feb 2, 2006.

  1. jonskanlan

    jonskanlan New Member

    After reading another post it brought up the question for me, and I've been thinking about this a lot lately, what do we say to our boss ? How much should I include my employer in what's going on with me and Fibro ? I have very understanding and good natured managers. But how much is too much to reveal ?

    I hope you all will chime in with your experience and advice.

  2. JLH

    JLH New Member

    My advice is to tell him/her as little as possible. Your boss may be nice, but you have to remember that they have a job to do. Certain aspects of that job is your job performance, job attendance, etc. Even though they may "understand" why you are absent, they still don't like it because it leaves a job undone for that day. In the end, between the boss vs. employee relationship, the business aspect will always come out #1.

    After all, THEY, TOO, have bosses and they all get reports on attendance, so if he has to cover his butt, he will, regardless if he is a "nice guy and good natured" or if he is your friend.
  3. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    I would not tell your bosses anything about your medical condition, they will just view you as "damaged goods" - I am sorry to say, people don't care - they only care about the almighty buck.

    Once they are aware you have a illness, each time you call in, it will become a big issue. They will be sorry they ever hired you, and look for ways to get rid of you and hire someone else.

    If you are in a very large company, perhaps you would have some protection, but why go there in the first place.

    Most of us with fibro, cfs, etc. learn to be very good actors. We often have to lie and make excuses why we can't join in in social functions, etc.

    Sorry I am so frank about this. I have just seen too much here to feel any different.

  4. smiffy79

    smiffy79 New Member

    as some of you know i am working towards becoming my own boss and one day with staff.
    i would really want someone to tell me whats up, i would never want anyone to suffer in silence ~ i know i am not a big time corperate suit, but all the same i wanted to chip in.
  5. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member


    it is hard enough to get our own families to understand it how they heck are we going to get the boss to understand...
  6. kch64

    kch64 New Member

    Hi Jonskanlan.

    I had to tell my boss because I was missing so much work and couldn't keep it from him or the command I work for any longer. I missed around four or five months of work last year, and I've already missed two weeks this year.

    My advice to you is "it depends". If you work for a small company that doesn't fall under the Family Medical Leave Act (12 employees or less) and you don't miss a lot of work, I wouldn't tell them anything. If you're sick, just call in sick.

    However, if you work for a larger company, are out sick more lately, and feel that you may need to get covered for intermittant FMLA coverage, then you need to check with your Human Resources Office for the paperwork, get your doctor to fill it out for intermittant use and submit it. During this time, you should talk to your boss/es.

    My FMLA just got approved. If it hadn't I feel I would have been given a disciplinary action against me already. However, I am feeling somewhat better this year, and I don't think I will miss as much work as last year. But better safe than sorry. It still stresses me out to miss work. I don't like it, but sometimes I can't help it.

    I hate this DD for this reason. I don't feel dependable any more. I am an excellent employee, but feel as though this has made me look like a "slacker". Even with my medical documents to support me. I don't like it, but I'm hopeful for the future.

    As an addition, i work for the govenment, so it may be a different situation than you're in.

    My best to you in your situation.
    [This Message was Edited on 02/03/2006]
    [This Message was Edited on 02/03/2006]
  7. lighthouselady

    lighthouselady New Member

    how I felt and I'm now not working there. I had FMLA-intermittent leave for about 5 years. I didn't abuse it, never missed over 2 weeks or so a year. My problem was that my boss was always talking to us and knew exactly how I felt most of the time, often giving me sympathy. In the end all of this was used against me. After putting 25 years into the hospital & job I had done for that whole time (medical transcription), I was given the choice to have "voluntary layoff" or be terminated. I had a union there but they were working right along with management. I would never again confide anything more than I have to. I'm a very trusting person and and it hurts not to trust so freely anymore but I have to protect myself now.

    Thanks for letting me vent!
  8. kaiasmom

    kaiasmom New Member

    What was going on with my health. I was missing a lot of work for doctor appointments and such, then once I was diagnosed I had to take a bunch of classes - having to miss 3 hours of work every Wednesday for 8 weeks. The list goes on. I work for a brother & sister, and they are pretty understanding. I don't tell them everything - but I did email them a brochure about fibro, so they could at least know what is going on.

    I never expect special treatment, and sometimes I feel like my bosses think I do. The sister is the attendance person, and she is getting pretty pissy about my time off, so I do have to agree with the person who said that at the end of the day, business is number one - and if I am gone for part or all of the day, part of my job does not get done that day.

    At any rate, I guess it really depends on how compassionate your boss is. I would not tell them everything, but a basic overview of my illness was given, just so they would know what's going on with me.

    Good luck!

  9. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    I understand what you are saying, I am a businessowner - and I am very compassionate with my employees, however most employers are not that way.

    People need to be very careful because you will find yourself out of a job. For the most part they only care about the company, not our illnesses.

    It is sad and cruel. We need to hold onto our jobs if possible for the health insurance. I have seen so many people here driven out of their jobs for one reason or another after the employer discovers they are sick.

    We have one member who worked over ten years for a small company. Granted she had to be out, off and on, but for the most part was there. They brought in a relative to replace her. She lost her health insurance, etc. She is now working at another job, making much less and struggling.

    We think because we would not do that to someone else, they would not do it to us, wrong.

    Better to be safe than sorry. Don't even tell co-workers who act like they are your best friend your medical problems.
  10. smiffy79

    smiffy79 New Member

    i was driven out of a job just for pregnancy, i didnt have a union membership. the other pregnant girls were left alone.

    i know most suits are far from compassionate and its all figures but not all are corperate suck ups.

    i spose its down to the individual, if the office vibe is bad and its a bitchy environment then its probably best to keep your head down.

    i so want to be a good boss and make a success of my business, i have worked for some complete morons and butt heads before so i do understand.

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