What would you do if

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Lunatic2, Jul 23, 2006.

  1. Lunatic2

    Lunatic2 New Member

    your 29yr old son pushed you down?

    In a fit of rage, he shoved her away from him and she fell on the floor and he left her there.
    She has fibro & osteoporosis the stress emotionally and physically has put her in bed and she's very sad.
    (she told him to move out because he wasn't respectful of her house rules)
    He has apologized and wishes he could "fix" what he has done.
    Her family members say "make up" & let him go back home because he is struggleing financially.

    It's been two months and she doesn't know what to do.

    Any words of wisdom or share your thoughts... thanks

  2. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    that is abuse period....

    most countys have free counseling for people like him...

    why should she live in fear...

    he needs counseling....let the other family members take him in....kudos to her...although it is heartbreaking to her..

    tell her to call the women's abuse hotline in her local area...

    jodie
  3. ChristineInPA

    ChristineInPA New Member

    He's crossed a line and has to go.

    He can end up seriously hurting her.

    His financial problems are HIS problems and he won't learn to take responsibility by living there.

    I'm sure he'll find someone else to live with. Those people always do.

    She needs to look after herself. I don't care how "sorry" he is now. He can be sorry under another roof.

    I hate hearing things like this. Bless her heart.
  4. jjdg

    jjdg New Member

    I hate hearing things like this!!!! She really should have called the police,just to make it official,and if,God forbid,happenes again it has been reported.Does her family think it's ok to be treated like that? they sound like it,and they don't want the responsablity of a 29 yr.old,why is he still at home?She has no legal responsibilty to him.he is probaly saying sorry cause he has no where else to go,OH WELL!
    janet
  5. TAM

    TAM New Member

    Wow thats to bad, i can only imagine how much that hurt her. If she would let him move back in i would make sure he got anger management on a weekly basis. And i would make certain that he understands just because he is an adult doesn't mean he doesn't have to respect her house rules. Thats the least he could do.

    I can only imagine how hurt she must feel and so confused because no matter what your children do you still love them completely. However since he pushed her down she would need to maybe have him leave. I would tell him son or not if you ever push me down agian i will call the police weather i want to or not. make sure he knows this will be his last chance that he can move back in but he must respect her and her rules and never ever push her agian.

    I wish her the best of luck, i really hope everything works out for her and i hope her son never PUSHES her agian. I have a son and i couldn't imagine him pushing me, i mean my heart would hurt worse then the fall. I feel for her. Good luck! Tammy
  6. MsE

    MsE New Member

    She is absolutely correct in telling him to move out. She should stick to her guns. Abuse like that described cannot be tolerated, I don't care how much he is struggling financially.
  7. sfrazier

    sfrazier New Member

    I would still call the police even if it has been two weeks and once he was in jail he wouldn't have to worry about a place to stay. The state would take care of that. I know that sounds so mean but you know now a days if you even touch your child they child abuse but what no one reliezes is that there is something know as adult abust and it is just as important and as much of a crime and child abuse.....SueF
  8. JLH

    JLH New Member

    If it were my 29 yr old son .... she did the CORRECT THING by asking him to move out.

    First of all, a 29 yr old man does NOT need to still be living at home!! He should WANT to live on his own!!!!

    If he is in a "fit of rage" to begin with .... even if he did not end up pushing her down .... he definitely has anger management issues.

    Any 29 yr old man should be able to control his temper better and not allow himself to get into a fit of rage. Period.

    Now ... in that fit of rage, he has assulted his mother (I presume). How sad. Especially since she is ill, and especially since she has osteoporosis--him knowing a fall could break a bone, or two, or three .....

    She was positively right in asking him to leave. To leave because of the verbal and physical abuse. Note: she should not have to include "no emotional or physical abuse" in her house rules!!!! That is "understood" in any household or public (or private) place!!! It's also a "given" fact that he did not respect her, or he would not have become violent in the first place--he would have behaved like a civil human being.

    So he has apologized and wishes he could "fix" what he has done. Too bad, so sad. Too late.

    If he is really sorry, let him go to some counceling for anger management first. He probably has a lot of other issues to discuss while he is there. He should check for free clincs or how to get some help with his current financial circumstancs.

    Sure, she may be sad. But, she can "forgive" him and let him visit, etc., but he doesn't need to move back in anyway--even if he is struggling financially. He will just have to tough it out--MAYBE it will make him a stronger person.

    If all of the other relatives are so torn at the heartstrings, why can't he temporarily move in with THEM???????

    I love all of my children unconditionally. I can say that because none of mine have done anything to cause me one second of worry or heartache. I think I would seriously think over this situation if the child (adult!) were mine and do what I have said. I think there is a point where you have to show "tough love" in order for your child to grow and be responsible enough to pay for their actions.

    Had he assulted another person other than his mother, he would probably be in jail now and owe a hefty fine! I think he is getting off easy by having to find another place to live!!

    Tell her please not to be sad, that she has done what she has had to do, even though it may have been the toughest thing she has ever had to do in her life. Her child may not understand this now ... but if/when he has a child do the same thing to him later in his life, he may understand .. then. Better late than never.

    Love,
    Janet
  9. suzetal

    suzetal New Member

    My DH son was here in April of 2005 for a visit.

    He has a friend that is evil and we told him he is not allowed here.

    Well at about 10 pm on April 16th he shows up with the friend.My DH told him to leave.His son said no its not our house its Pops.That is true we sold our home so my husband could help his Dad.

    Well Pop adores his grandson and sided with him.They were in the garage arguing with my DH about it.I went out there and his son said what do you want get out of here its none of your business.

    Well yes it is I also pay all the bills here and he lives in Florida.

    Well he came at me and shoved me down the basement stairs.I know I was unconscious for some time could not move my legs.

    When they put me in the rescue I told the police to arrest him for assault and his friend with trespassing.They did.

    I was in the hospital over night all my ribs were fractured and my neck in a brace.I wound up with spinal cord severely injured.

    I did not have to press the assault charge.In our state its automatically domestic abuse and he needed to go to court.I had a no contact order for one yr against him.Pop to this day says it was my fault it is very hard living here but my DH is an only child and promised his 89 yr old father no nursing homes.

    Well the courts order counseling.I thought for sure he was coming back for a visit so I got a permanent restraining order.

    When he called one day I told him I hear your coming for a visit well you cant stay here.He was never served the papers cause no one knows were he is except for the state..He is hiding from bill collectors for massive amounts of dept.He has spent all my fatherinlaws money he is broke now.The papers are still in affect and if he comes I will not think twice and I WILL HAVE HIM ARRESTED.

    Long story but his own Mom said he came to finish me off.The only reason hes not in prison is cause of my having to live here due to my DH.I love my husband and would never leave him.

    His son is a sick person and I know he will not come back cause not only do I have the restraining order but I also have copies of all the warrants from all the bill collectors and this time I would call them all.

    He was violent to wards her and should never be allowed to have contact unless he gets counseling.

    HE NEEDS COUNSELING NOW>

    Sue
  10. carebelle

    carebelle New Member

    NEVER EVER EVER EVER accept abuse because 1 time will lead into another.

    29 is to old for that .I'd ask him to move out.It may be hard but its what is best.