what would you do.

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by meggs121, Jun 13, 2006.

  1. meggs121

    meggs121 New Member

    Hi all

    I have CFS and I have been in a relationship for the last three years and sick for the last two years. My boyfriend wants a proper relationship . I can't do most things that he wants from his girlfriend. And so we have a sort of half relationship. Even though he is not satisfyed with this he wont break up with me because he isn't sure. Should i break up with him? OR should I just wait it out untill he finially desides what he wants?

    please help me Meg

    PS. Will I get better faster if i focus on myself more instead of focusing on keeping him happy too?
  2. mme_curie68

    mme_curie68 New Member

    A person who cares about you on the worst day of your life is the person you want beside you on the best day of your life.

    Anything else is settling for less.

    We already have to settle for less with our health - many of us don't have a choice. But why the heck would you want to settle for less when you DO have a choice?

    Believe me, I've kicked a few to the curb in my time and good riddance to the lot of them.

    My husband vowed to love and stick by me in sickness and in health. Well, I drew the largest part of the 'sickness' card, but he has had his health issues as well.

    I love and respect him even more now than when we got married 10 years ago.

    You deserve the same love and respect.

    Hugs,
    Madame Curie

  3. KateMac329

    KateMac329 New Member

    Honey I am so sorry you are dealing with this! ((HUGS))

    If he can't decide whether or not he wants to be with you that is your first clue that you guys aren't right for eachother.

    No one has to contemplate whether they really want to be with someone or they don't. I think maybe he is staying because he would look like a jerk for breaking up with a sick girlfriend. Does that make sense?

    I hope I didn't step on your toes, this is only my opinion. I definitely think you need to cut ties and concentrate on yourself. You may even feel refreshed not having him to worry about all the time.

    Please concentrate on working on yourself!

    ((HUGS))

    kate
  4. meggs121

    meggs121 New Member

    I asked him if he wanted to stay in a relationship or just be friends. And he told me he had to go and think about it.

    So I guess if he has to think about it then it can't be an over whelming 'YES!' to the relationship.

    You sure do help me think clearer.

  5. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    Meg

    I would let him make his own decision unless it was bothering you to the point that you would have to let him go. Ultimately,yes, you have to focus on your happiness.
    If he stays with you: you appear to have gotten a 'good catch'.

    NyroFan
  6. shanel06

    shanel06 New Member

    In all honesty, I'd let him think about it. Let him reach the decision. And if his decision is to leave... as hard as it is, don't be angry.

    Dealing with someone with CFS or FM is not easy. It's not easy when you're already in a committed relationship and a person is suddenly inflicted with one of these irritatingly mysterious illnesses. And it's even harder when that person didn't see you become ill, didn't go through the process with you, and wasn't already committed.

    The one thing you will know is that if he does come back, he's fully aware of what he's getting into. His eyes are wide open.

    I was fortunate. I met my guy almost 10 years after I became ill. He has seen me at my worse, at my best, and he is still here. Lately things have been rough. We've been together 10 years, and he is just now due to my recent crash, being exposed to the skeptical doctors, the frustration of mystery symptoms, etc. He's seen them before - but nothing that previously appeared life threatening like I'm going through now. But I know he's here, I know he's committed, and I know his eyes are wide open. I can trust him.

    His aunt, after being married for 25 years, was diagnosed with FM and rhematoid arthritis. Her marriage hit the skids within 2 years. Thankfully they've managed to stay together. But it had a devastating affect on their relationship on so many levels.

    In otherwords, if this is a relationship without a commitment ? Give him the time to think and be sure he can handle it. And as hard as it is, don't hate him if he finds that he can't. Be thankful that he didn't commit, make you feel even more love and trust for him, and then bolt.

    We are all only humans.

    *hugs*

    First and foremost ? Take care of you.

    Shannon L.

    [This Message was Edited on 06/13/2006]
  7. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    Wait until he decides what HE wants? Darlin, why would you do that? Oh, I know; you have time invested, he can be SO nice sometimes and you fear somebody is better than nobody.

    You love you first! If he doesn't know now what he wants, it's not going to improve with time and more committment.

    Hard thing to do, I know, but you deserve the best. Thing is, you have to believe it first.

    Hugs,
    Marta
  8. CockatooMom

    CockatooMom New Member

    I understand some saying to allow him time to decide, but I think YOU need to be part of that decision...after all, it will affect your life.

    Sitting back and waiting for him to decide what he wants is like giving him ALL the power and control of the situation (relationship).

    Face it, we don't have any power over these DD, so I try to do what I can to have a little power where I can.

    Just my 2 cents worth!

    ((((Hugs to you))))

    CockatooMom
    "E"
  9. mrsjethro

    mrsjethro New Member

    First and foremost, think about what you want, do you think that a life with this man will make you happy, and is this what your ultimate wish would be?

    Secondly, if he is only asking for time to think and hasn't taken off running like his hiney was on fire, because of the fact that you have an illness that is most likely going to be with you in some form forever, that surely must show that he has feelings for you too.

    A lot of this is really going to depend on your feelings about him, which I didn't see much info on.

    I married my husband 2 years ago. Our first year was bliss, but I have been sooooo sick for this last year of my life that I can't be the wife that I feel I should be to him. There are days that I feel bad because I feel like he got the short end of the deal. And I feel like that is all my fault.

    But the fact remains, that he loves me (in sickness and in health). He stands beside me and is my best friend. He doesn't understand this illness yet, but he tries to help me as much as he knows how.

    Personally, there are some trying times just because of the fact that he doesn't understand this. Having said that, I can't imagine going through all of this without him. He is my rock when I need strength, and my shoulder to cry on when I need that too. I know that I am not capable of giving him all of the things that a man needs right now, but we work around that as best we can.

    If he is uncertain and just wants the time to think, and you don't think that he is stringing you along, then let him have that time (depending on what you feel for him). When it's all said and done at the end of the day, love does not equal sex. I thought that for so many years, and I went through so many bad relationships because of my thinking that. Sex is a benefit of being in love.

    I hope that came out right.