Whats going on? Am I depressed?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by bozey, Feb 11, 2006.

  1. bozey

    bozey New Member

    I don't post much but read on here every day. But, I always know all I have to do is post and someone will be there.

    I don't know what is going on with me lately. Maybe someone can point me in the right direction.

    I feel weird, like I can't make a decent decision. I'm thinking about cutting my hair. I have never taken this decision lightly. My hair is down my back to my bra strap. I always have it in a ponytail unless we go out which is almost never. And, if I cut it, it will still have to be long enough for a ponytail as I can't stand it on my neck in the heat of the summer. I figure it will be easier to wash and mess with.

    I sit and think of doing something like start laundry. I get up and get side tracked. And before you know it, I'm sitting back down again. I want to sew some cushions for my daughter in law, no motivation. I want to sort things in my den, it's starting to really be nasty in here, again, no motivation. I sit here all day and think of things I want to do but don't do them. I make lists, don't look at them til 2 days later and still don't do them.

    The only thing I do on a daily basis is keep my kitchen clean and cook supper and make sure my husbands laundry is done. Sometimes, I start his laundry that he needs for work the next day at 9pm and then have to wait to go to bed to put it in the dryer. And then he has to dig in the dryer for his clothes after his morning shower. But, he never complains.

    I'm thinking about going back on Wellbutrin. I'm thinking I am having depression problems again. The only meds I am on are synthroid and dextro LA.

    My fatigue is a big issue for me right now. Seems I'm even too tired to blink. Sometimes, I am too tired to talk.

    When I watch my Grandson(4 yrs) all day on Fridays, sometimes I sit and think how am I ever gonna get caught up on anything if I have to use my energy to clean up after him. Anyone with CFS knows that we have to use our energy wisely. I told my daughter that he is wearing me out so now I might only have him for a half day. And believe me, I feel terrible that I can't watch him. I live for my Grandkids. Love them to pieces.

    Any suggestions or input is very appreciated. Thank you for listening. Seems this post got a little lengthy.

    HUGS

    bozey
  2. MamaR

    MamaR New Member

    I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. It could have been me writing this.

    I think that with me... it is the fatigue and pain that causes the depression/confusion. Because... on the days that I was better...I had motivation.

    I can only say what I do.....hope that it helps you some.

    I try to make a list (so I can not forget to do things) and when I feel a bit like doing something... I do what I can. I then mark it off the list. If I don't get it done I put a X by it....add it to next day.

    If it is something urgent...my hubby is good to help me. It sounds like your hubby is understanding too.

    Bozey, sometimes if we are depressed it is the situation that causes it....I believe.....like pain and fatigue. If we can work on that situation it can get better.


    I am praying for you dear!
    Keep us informed. I know how you feel!

    P.S. As much as I hated to do it...I had to quit watching my grands. I just feel like it is better to see them when I am up to it...other than to be a grump with them because I am in pain! I don't want them to remember me in a negative way.


    Mari

  3. pepper

    pepper New Member

    It sounds to me that you are depressed. Depression usually involves lack of motivation which you seem to be experiencing. Or, are you procrastinating because of extreme fatigue?

    You are the only one who would be able to distinguish between depression and exhaustion. To the observer they often appear the same.

    I suggest that you think about why you are not doing what you put on your lists. If it is exhaustion, you have no choice but to rest as much as you can. If it is depression, you should think about going back on the Wellbutrin or try some natural solutions for depression.

    I suffer from CFS/FM and depression. I have been off Zoloft for almost 2 yrs and am able to keep it under control using natural means. But sometimes drugs are necessary.

    I am not a grandma yet (sadly!) but I have often wondered what I would do when the day comes. I do know that looking after a little one for a whole day is just not in the realm of possibility for me. If I were ever asked to do it, I would have to have someone help me. Are you overdoing it by looking after your 4 yr old grandson?

    I can only imagine how hard it would be to say that you couldn't do it, but maybe it is too much for you.

    I hope that you sort this out soon. I know how miserable you are feeling.


    ((((HUGS))))Pepper
  4. hugs4evry1

    hugs4evry1 New Member

    Since you're on Synthroid, that makes you hypothyroid...right? (Sorry, I'm really tired and getting ready for bed but I saw your post)

    It's possible with the winter cold months that your homones may need to be adjusted. I was recently diagnosed and I've done some serious research on the subject.

    Some of it mentioned needing to up the dosage in the winter months although right now I can't remember the reason why.

    I get a lot of my information about this from about.com.

    That could be making you feel depressed. That was my major red flag that something besides the FM/CFS was wrong with me. I found myself feeling depressed and couldn't even figure out why.

    I know it's just a thought but I hope maybe it can help you.

    Hugs,

    Nancy B.
  5. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    I think this DD gets us in this really bad down rut. Like we want to do things, but cannot get up the energuy to do it. It is so hard to climb up when one is feeling that way. I am not sure if one could say depression, but if the Welbutrin helped you before, well you know, it could again.

    If you DO cut your hair, do Locks of Love with it. Short hair is so much easier if you can get it really short, wash and wear.

    I know how you feel, we just moved and normally I would have had it all sorted and most of the repairs done by now-my friends are shocked as they know I normally don't let things sit. But I just cannot muster up the energy and the pain too, I just about manage a walk, some cooking, a little shopping. I go to bed at 7.30pm and I go back to bed once son is off to school. I have never been so weary in my life.

    It doesn;t help being winter, but there is sun out on the snow today. Feel better.

    Love Anne
  6. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    I agree, you need to cut back on the babysitting. I think you already know it is too much for you.

    You might try that before going back on the anti depressant. It does sound like you are depressed, but maybe just very tired.....

    I know it is a difficult decision to change your babysitting schedule but it sure sounds like you need to.

    Take care...
  7. pirtpain

    pirtpain New Member

    I too feel as if it was me writing this post. I too make to-do lists & am raring to go on all kinds of things. My intentions are good but I can't get motivated. Do you think it is CFS? I am soooooooooootired all of the time and also unmotivated. The hours go by and nothing!! I wonder

    sometimes what would make me exited. It can make you feel guilty. Time just keeps going on. I sound pitiful. You are the one asking for help and I'm not providing it. Sorry! I do think it is mostly depression. This DD is probably the culprit. I am interested to see if others have the same

    problem, because I have become a BIG PROCRASTINATOR!! I use to be a real "take charge" person. Is this feeling part of CFS?? I have been taking Wellbutrin for about 7 yrs. I think it has helped. I hope that you feel better soon & get some good input from others. TAKE CARE~~

    PIRT
    [This Message was Edited on 02/11/2006]