hi everyone, first I come from a country where english is not the principal language. however i'll do my best to be clear. I am not looking for advice , or solution , I just want to express myself, because if i don't i feel my head will blow up. when they see my life, so many people are jalous of my situation , they say i am lucky but they don't know how I feel. they don't know that I have never been really happy in my life, and that I am feeling as if I am falling into a black hole of depression where I can't see no light to guide me to get out of it. I feel my heart so heavy with sadness that I can't find the words or the energy to tell you more , sorry. maybe in later messages.