What's on Your To Do List? August 16 - 22

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by EllenComstock, Aug 15, 2010.

  1. EllenComstock

    EllenComstock New Member

    Hi, Girls:

    I bet you thought I was gone for good since it's been a good month or so since I was last on here. Just a lot going on in my life right now. My husband and I had a big fight since I was last on here. It had to do with his family - long story. I try to be an honest person and admit when I am wrong, but in this case I really feel I was in the right. But my husband did something to me that really shocked me. To be honest, I sometimes wonder if he sometimes verbally abuses me. It's not constant, but through the years he has called me enough names that I am tired of it. Other times he's a good husband. But I went through about a week lately that I began to feel that maybe he was right and maybe I wasn't such a great person after all. Then I just happened to read an article that had a quote from Eleanor Roosevelt who said that no one can make you feel bad about yourself unless you give them permission to. I realized then that I had to shake these bad feelings about myself. I've been through too much therapy to let what my husband says (plus his sister and her husband) say about me affect me. I decided to pray for them, and although it's not easy, to forgive them. And when I did that, I felt so much better about myself and the anger and bad feelings went away!

    I still don't feel that things are right between my husband and myself and it makes me feel sad. I want our marriage to feel good again. I think his job stresses him out and he takes that stress out on me. It certainly isn't right for him to do that.

    Also, my FMS flared up and I then had the flu, so that kept me away from here. It sounds like others haven't been on here much either, from reading the posts from the past couple of weeks.

    Harry and I are on vacation now. We are in Ohio right now. Fortunately, Harry thought about taking our laptop along so I am in our hotel right now. We are only going to be gone for a couple of days. We don't have a lot of money right now, so we are just doing a short three-day trip not too far from home.

    Molly: I am so sorry for the way you have been feeling. Please believe me that no matter how badly you feel (and believe me I have had some bad thoughts myself lately), it's not worth taking your life! I'm glad you recognize that you do need some help right now and are looking into getting it. I am sure it must be terribly difficult to have a special needs child. The fact that you were having problems on your Hawaiian trip indicates that you do need some immediate help. I will certainly keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

    Anne Theresa: I hope everything is going okay for you. I think it's okay to spend the day in your jammies now and then. I rarely do that myself, although I've been tempted to! I've really been struggling with my energy levels.

    Terri: I'm glad you are enjoying your trip visiting your son and his new wife. Visits with him now will be extra special now that he doesn't live nearby. How is your garden doing? Mine is really producing now. Last week I did a lot of freezing and some canning of tomatoes.

    Well, it's really late and I must go to bed. Take care, everyone.



    "Hello Ellen and to all those to follow"...

    Ellen, it's good to hear from you..I understand completely about your relationship with your husband....because of our finances, tensions were high between the two of us, and DH and I were going at each other..the stress of not being able to pay bills, because of the lack of $$$, was getting to both of us..finally, I told him that we have to "knock-it-off"..I was done with the constant picking on each other..so far, so good..we both stop and think about what we're about to say to each other before we open our mouth, and it seems to be working..it isn't easy, but, it truly does seem to be working for us....so hang in there..things will get better...

    Last year, we sold our grapes to several wineries..unfortunately, two went backrupt, and the others just haven't paid due to lack of funds..therefore, no income for us since harvest of last year..so now, we can't pay our bills..however, the wineries still have our grapes to make wine to try and sell in their tasting rooms!!!!! This economy really stinks..we have been trying to get a small business loan for the past year..but NADA!! The banks won't shake loose with any of their money...and now, our credit is also tanking!!! Never in a million years did we think we would be in such a financial pit...we have always prided ourselves on being able to pay our bills...so much for our "golden" years!!!

    This year, I have very little, if any, desire to work in the vineyard..my energy level is zip! However, I can't leave all the work up to my DH, so, I try to do the best I can...in the past, we've been able to hire a small crew to help us, but, not this year..no $$$$..we are saving our money to pay the crew at harvest time.

    One of the few bright spots in my life is my darling granddaughter, who will be 4 weeks old on Thursday...she is so sweet and loves to snuggle with Grandma....my daughter has had a few complications since giving birth, but, hopefully, she is on the mends..but, I'm keeping a close eye on her...

    Molly...glad to hear that your seeking help..I know it's been a difficult time for you lately, but because you are such a strong woman, you will get through this..continue to take care of yourself and keep us posted..we are here to support you in anyway we can....

    Terri...congratulations on your son's wedding...sounds like he married a great gal..please pass onto them, my best wishes for a long and happy life together....and you have a garden? That's wonderful..

    Anne Theresa..I hope your feeling well..let us hear from you...

    Sorry that I whined so much in this post..guess I'm just having one of "feel sorry for myself" days..

    Take care everyone, and hope you all are feeling well..

  3. AnneTheresa

    AnneTheresa Member

    Hello everyone

    Hello Ellen, I'm so glad to see you! I've been concerned about you and hoping your absence wasn't due to illness. I'm sorry you and your DH have been fighting and particularly sorry to know his words were so harsh as to make you feel bad about yourself. I like the Eleanor Roosevelt quote and I hold it to be of the utmost truth.

    Your decision to pray for your husband and his sister was a wise one. It's wonderful that your prayer was met with such good feelings and a dissolution of your anger and bad feelings. The power of prayer is remarkable!

    I'm sorry things still don't feel right between you and your husband and that you've been suffering with a flare-up and the flu. It's nice though, that you're able to take a small vacation together. Hopefully these few days will help you mend your relationship.

    JB, I've been thinking of you as I've recently has a wonderful visit from my son, the winemaker. He is so tanned and in such good shape from working in the vineyard, I think he's chosen an excellent profession for staying healthy.

    I'm sorry you've come upon such difficult financial times. The economic climate is frightening for all but the wealthiest among us. My heart goes out to you and I will hope and pray for things to turn around.

    God bless your little granddaughter-how wonderful it must feel to snuggle with that wee baby. I hope your daughter continues to recover from her birthing complications.

    I've been feeling sick and horribly depressed for the past few days. It began with Dave getting in touch over the weekend to set a date for our final meeting. What's left to do is to divide our RRSP savings and for each of us to return a box of the other's belongings. That done, we'll sign the separation agreement, then we'll have no reason to see each other again.

    After we set the day/time to meet (this coming Friday evening) I cried myself senseless and then I was sick in bed for three days. I felt like such a wimp but I couldn't help it. I was actually vomiting from the emotional pain, upset and broken heartedness. I spent most of last night in prayer and so I managed to pull out of the depression somewhat today.

    Hopefully, tomorrow will be better and then I'll feel strong enough to get through Friday's meeting without crying. The following weekend, my sister and I are planning a tea party for 6 or 7 women friends, a belated housewarming party. Perhaps the timing (ending with Dave one weekend, then the following weekend having a party to celebrate my new life) is on right the mark.

    To Do Today

    make & eat something healthy
    sit and read outside on terrace
    watch TV
    shower & shampoo
    vacuum (if I feel up to it, if not, do it tomorrow)

    God bless,
    Anne Theresa

  4. EllenComstock

    EllenComstock New Member

    Hi, Girls:

    Well, I'm happy to say that I'm in a better frame of mind than I was when I did the other post on Monday. It's true that we are having some concerns about finances, but it's not like we are that poor or anything. Harry actually has a nest egg (although it doesn't have my name on it it does list me as the beneficiary should something happen to me. It's his old checking account which he took out a few years ago after a fight we had, which I failed to understand. Long story). He doesn't want to touch it unless absolutely necessary as he wants the money to go toward buying an old car and having a large garage put in our back yard to house it in. He's always loved old cars and I'd love to see him get one. Unfortunately, we have had to dip into this fund a couple of times, since we have to pay $2,000.00 out of pocket expenses for my cataract surgery. He got mad at me about that, apologized and then made another comment about it later. I know my medical expenses are frustrating since they are just ongoing.

    And it's not like he's calling me names every day-it's pretty much when we fight, which isn't all the time. He's really needed a vacation and I have to say that since we've been on vacation this week, the two of us have really had a fun time together. We have both done things each person wanted to do and he enjoyed the things I wanted to do and said so. We are up in Detroit right now at the Dream Cruise. So right now I am in McDonald's on Woodward Avenue taking advantage of the free computer service. I can't believe our hotel. It's a Motel Six and they want to charge us for the computer usage! We just stayed in another Motel Six and it was free!

    As for my disability application, I just heard from them. They want me to have a medical examination before they make a decision on my application. I have an. appt. on Sept. 10. Of course it's with a dr. I've never seen before. I think it's crazy that they will base the decision on what this dr. whose never seen me before will say. I will probably only see him or her for only a few minutes. I'm sure they already have the records from the doctor whose been treating me for years, but I already knew how crazy this disability process is.

    Well, McDonald's just told me that they are closing-it's 10:00!

    JB: I'm so sorry you are suffering financially. It reminds me how much I have to be thankful for!
    Anne Theresa: I am so sorry you are depressed. Hang in there!

    We will be home tomorrow. Talk to you soon!


  5. alaska3355

    alaska3355 New Member

    My son and new daughter in law are expecting! It's supposed to be a secret, but since you don't know who they are, I think it's OK. My oldest daughter had it figured out....she said, "I give them two months," and she was right. Two months since they got married and a baby on the way! I'd feel better about it if my son had his residency and a job, but I am trusting God will provide.

    We had a great time seeing them (did not know at the time she was expecting) and then we took a short trip to the Oregon coast with our remaining three kids (two are married). Our daughter is a preschool teacher, and she was able to get some days off, so we had a wonderful time in the foggy mist of Oregon. We collected seashells and ate clam chowder- very relaxing!

    I'm sorry to hear my friends here are being challenged....Anne Theresa- I hope you are able to lift up out of your depression and can enjoy your upcoming tea party. I'll be thinking of you.

    Molly- let us know how things are going with the new school year and how you are doing. We're praying for you.

    Ellen- I hope things will be resolved with you and your husband.....it's tough when you have disagreements. Thanks for keeping us updated.

    JB- always good to hear from you.....wow, I hope the grape harvest will be more profitable this year!


    Hugs, Terri