What's on your to-do list: August 17th through 24th

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by AnneTheresa, Aug 17, 2009.

  1. AnneTheresa

    AnneTheresa Member

    Hello all,

    Today I'm going to make a concentrated effort to shake off this sadness and find my way back to joy. To begin I'm going to take a nice shower & shampoo and put on something pretty to wear. Then I'm going to get some fresh air.

    Soon enough I'll start making plans for my future but for now I need to focus on regaining my peace and equilibrium.

    The above-mentioned goals will serve as my to-do list today; shower, shampoo, wear something pretty, get some fresh air.

    I look forward to hearing from you.

    God bless,
    Anne Theresa
  2. alaska3355

    alaska3355 New Member

    Hi all,
    I think your goals are just fine.....take a small step first. I think getting some fresh air is definitely a good idea! We are having a pretty day here, albeit hot. Saturday was so cool, it felt like fall. Now we have forgotten that and it's summer again.

    I have frozen peaches,and canned pickles and tomatoes since Saturday. I saved a few peaches and tomatoes out for eating, they are so good. I'm trying to go huckleberry picking too......if they are still out there. We have been so busy this summer, we haven't gone picking, and that is a favorite activity of mine. The twins just groan......"Oh, Mom, not again!" but they will go with us. Mostly they just pick berries and throw them at each other.

    gotta go, trouble in the garage.....
    Hugs from Terri

  3. hugs4evry1

    hugs4evry1 New Member

    Good Morning all,

    Anne Theresa, small steps are always the way to go. Sometimes looking at the big picture is just too overwhelming. (Trust me, I know this) Just try not to cheat yourself out of the grieving process that's so important anytime out lives change so much. It can be an awful bumpy road but we have to take it, in our own way to reach the other side stronger and better than we were before. Hugs.....

    Terri, your canning always sounds wonderful, hope you enjoyed your weekend.

    I had a lovely weekend, just spent relaxing around the house after the week we had last week. The weather's been beautiful and I'm enjoying the heat before the cold weather sets in.

    Today I'm just relaxing, so tired.....still waiting on the bed that was due last week to get here.

    Having trouble typing today....my left hand is wrapped. For some reason the joints have been very painful lately, can't even lift a cup with it.

    Hugs all,


  4. AnneTheresa

    AnneTheresa Member

    Hello all,

    Thanks Terri and Nancy for your words.

    I managed to shower & dress yesterday but I couldn't get out the door no matter how hard I tried. I tried again this morning (to go out for my fasting blood-test) but, once again, I couldn't leave the house. I know how silly this must seem - many/most people would not be able to relate to this level of feeling paralyzed - but that's where I am at the moment as much as I hate it.

    I have a history of clinical depression and it seems like this incident has set me back in that regard. Not to mention, my FMS symptoms are through the roof.

    My friend is picking me up to go to the mall tonight. When I'm at my worse, a small outing like this can sometimes help me get back on my feet. Hopefully, this will be the case.

    I have physiotherapy/acupuncture/massage therapy scheduled for tomorrow that I'll try my best to attend. I really want to break through this inertia - I hate feeling stuck like this.

    God bless
    Anne Theresa

  5. hugs4evry1

    hugs4evry1 New Member

    Good Morning all,

    Anne Theresa, nothing about what you're going through sounds silly in the least. It sounds devastating and I can only imagine the pain you're going through. Since it wasn't exactly a mutual decision you must feel as if your world has been taken out from below your feet.

    No wonder you're having trouble getting out the door. But small steps....a shower is wonderful and getting dressed is wonderful. (Don't forget to brush your hair, it's beautiful!)

    We all have a breakup in our past and can remember how hard it was to even brush our teeth. This is nothing compared to what you're going through. Nothing.....

    I hope I can speak for the others in saying that you're more than welcome to report your baby steps here and none of us will think less of you if you just report that you put on fresh jammies and brushed your teeth and hair. These are very IMPORTANT steps, just breathe and get through the days right now.

    You're not only dealing with a devastating illness, you're dealing with one of life's hardest changes at the same time. We'll be here for you...

    Would it help right now to prioritize your list? I think the physiotherapy/acupuncture/massage is a must for you right now. It would also help you to know that you CAN take care of what's important right now and that's YOU!!

    Don't let his stupid decision cause you to not take care of yourself. YOU are important, beautiful and very deserving of this important care that you receive! (but if you don't go, I'll understand that too....maybe next week?)

    For me today, I need to take Katy to the legal office on another base. It's a walk-in day and she needs to take care of some paperwork.

    Other than that, I worked on my sewing machine yesterday so I'm hoping to spend a bit of time there. I have a wonderful new fabric to cover my sofa pillows, I really don't like what I have on there now so I'm pretty excited about this.

    Hugs all, hope to hear from you all soon.

  6. sorekitty

    sorekitty New Member

    Hello everyone,

    Anne Theresa-I hope you were able to get out to the mall with your friend. I have had depression since I was a young teen. I know that feeling where I don't want to see or talk to anyone. I don't answer the phone and sometimes will not go to the grocery store even when there is no food! You sound like you are doing your best and know what you need in order to help yourself. Sending you hugs.

    Terri-Enjoy all your fruits and veges. They sound wonderful. I thought Huckberry (Hound) was a cartoon character. I didn't know there are berries called Huckleberries! What are they like? My MIL parents were both from Norway so I love Lingenberries. I have to get them at IKEA though (lol).

    Nancy-You have had so many little errands and things so I'm glad you enjoyed your weekend. I wish I knew how to sew.

    My dh and I went on our mini-vacation. His conference was in San Diego (downtown, Gaslamp district). We both grew up here but we haven't been able to do a lot of things we used to so it was really fun. Liam stayed at G'ma. We got to eat at Croce's jazz place and go to Balboa Park to the Museum of Art. Then we ate at a beautiful place in Balboa Park out on the patio and the weather was perfect. The trip just wasn't long enough though. I'm back only today and need to vent!

    So, this morning I have to take Liam with me to the Vet Hospital. Today is Skeeter's 2nd chemo tx. Oh wait I have to tell you I didn't sleep much. . . Liam fell off the bathroom counter and landed on his back and head on hard tile. I was so scared. I spoke to the doctor and she suggested he sleep with us so we could check on him throughout the night. We had to check his pupils and see if he was breathing and no barfing.

    After I pull up at the Vet Hospital I am getting out of the car and Liam just opens the door and lets Skeeter race out. He ran towards the parking lot and could have been hit but then I saw Liam had the leash in his hand. So that frazzeled me. Then I walk Skeeter around the front to let him go potty if needed. While I was doing this my son disabled the automatic front doors of the hospital. We tried getting in and couldn't. So finally they come to let us in. As the door opens there is a crowd of people there, oye! Then I go over to the chemo/cancer area and my son just disapears while I am given a few forms to fil out. Meanwhile Skeeter is growling at the bigger dogs. I am trying to thing and fill out forms as I see my son getting dog treats and trying to give them to all the dogs even when the dog owner's are saying no. I tell him no treats these dogs are very sick. No more treats for Skeeter. Uggh. So I have to call my husband for the the meds and doseages Skeeter's on. He can't find anything because everything was all pack up for g'ma house. So he calls back and I fill out the form. Then my son goes to the bathroom I told him he could but i usually always go with him to the bathroom. So the really nice guy comes to talk to me and take Skeeter. My son is staring down a very sick dog! He has done this since he was little and no matter how much we've tried he doesn't get it. So I am telling him to move back from the dog. Skeeter is shaking and looks up at me like "please mommy don't leave me here". So we leave.

    In the car my son is asking me detailed scientific questions and there is morning rush hour traffic. I told him can't listen I have to drive. Good Lord. I burst out crying. We have to stop at the grocery store since we have no food at home. We do and that is crazy too. I get home and burst into tears again.

    I cannot take my life. just cannot do this. I want run run away! I know I wrote a book, thank you for reading, if you got this far!

  7. AnneTheresa

    AnneTheresa Member

    Hello all,

    The trip to the mall last eve. helped immensely, particularly because I decided to talk things over with my friend (rather than keep things to myself for a while longer as I initially thought to do). It felt good to share with her. So now that I've shared with my sister, my dear friends here and my best friend, I feel supported and loved and that helps more than I could ever say.

    Things are okay with Dave and I; that is to say he's treating me with respect all the while maintaining that the relationship is definitely over. I told him I'd like to keep the house and though we didn't discuss the details he was agreeable to that. He wants us to pay off our shared debt (debt outside of the mortgage) before he moves out.

    Paying that debt will likely take 9-12 mos. That part boggles my mind (his staying for that long) but I suppose after living with him for 20 years, I can live with him for one more year so long as he continues to treat me with respect. If I can get past the pain, this time-line might allow a good transition period for me, preferable to the shock of a sudden separation.

    I did go for my treatment today (thanks Nancy, for the pep talk - I read your post this morning and it helped me get out the door, thank you). In addition to an acupuncture session, the therapist did some cranial sacral release (?), I did my physiotherapy exercises (very tough after neglecting my homework last week), then had a massage. I'm very happy with this regime and I've settled into twice-monthly sessions that I hope to keep up indefinably.

    Nancy, I appreciate your understanding and inviting me to share my 'baby-steps' with the group. It's occurred to me that everything I've learned about surviving FMS has been helpful to me during this emotional upset. In much the same way that I cope with a bad flare, I can cope with emotional pain. Pacing myself, knowing when to rest & when to push myself, taking one small step at a time; all that I've learned about self-care has been put to the test these past two weeks.

    I hope you've had a nice day and that the trip to the legal office with Katy went well. Sewing new covers for your sofa cushions sounds like a fun project. I love taking on projects that will transform a space and it's amazing how something as simple as covering cushions can jazz up a room. Have fun!

    Molly, I appreciate that you can empathize with depression, though I'm sorry it's something you struggle with as well. It really makes life difficult when it grabs hold, doesn't it? Your little holiday sounds like it was wonderful! Isn't it typical of life to come from such a lovely few days and land smack dab in the middle of such chaos and strife. Between Liam's fall and a sleepless night, alongside the next day's craziness at the vet & grocery store, bursting into tears and wanting to run away is a completely understandable response.

    It's times like this when you need to focus on your own comfort and care. It can be difficult to get quality me-time when you have a young child to care for but it's utterly important. I hope you can make some time to rest and rejuvenate. Gentle hugs.

    Tomorrow's goal is to go for my fasting blood test. That, and a bit of housework.

    God bless,
    Anne Theresa
  8. hugs4evry1

    hugs4evry1 New Member

    Good Morning all.......

    Molly.....breathe....take a deep breathe, then do it again.....school should be starting up soon and hopefully this will allow you to do some of your errands without some of those special interruptions. (I hope)

    I think you completely deserved to break out in tears.....what a worrisome night, then Skeeter's treatment and all the fun that followed yikes woman, you need Calgon to take you away!!

    Before we moved here I had a small boom box in the old bathroom with some favorite made up cd's. I used to pour the bubble bath high, turn up the tunes and just 'get away' for about 15 minutes, time that I had no idea (nor did I care) what was going on in the house. Hubby's turn to take care of things because he knew how much those few minutes helped me. Adding bath salts with minerals was also good for the Fibro pain as well.

    I'm so glad you got to enjoy your mini trip although I'm sure it went by too fast.

    With my husband's career in the military I've never lived near family who could help me out, but is there anyone who could take Liam once a week so you and hubby could get out for a nice meal? (Nice being relative, a quiet cup of coffee would also be good)

    Are there any colleges nearby who might have students studying early childhood education? Perhaps you could find someone like that to watch Liam so you could both get away for a bit?

    I know it sounds small, but since you probably won't get the vacation you need (nor could I for the last few years with all of my health problems and Katy's problems as well) I learned to grab precious moments to help me get through the days. It helps....they don't have to be long breaks, just grab those moments and try to enjoy them.....

    Anne Theresa, I am so proud of you for sharing what you're going through with your friend. Trying to keep it all inside must have been so hard. And we girls do know how to rally round in times of heart break!

    And I think baby steps is how we all get through the day whether we realize it or not.....if we look at the big picture, we'd all buckle down, crawl into bed and cry forever! Hmmm tempting???

    I know you said he wants to stay in the house to pay off mutual debt for 9 to 12 months, but is that really best for you or him?

    Just thinking out loud here but if he left, you could possibly get a room mate to move in, earn some income to cover your part of the debts and begin to move on without this difficulty dragging on forever, unsure of when the day is that HE decides is ok to move out.

    I'm guessing it would be financially difficult for him to have to move out, find a place then cover everything financially?

    Just asking....what is best for YOU? He chose this, you didn't.....remember that...

    Yesterday was just lovely and Katy had a good appt with her lawyer. We decided it was too pretty to just go home, so we had lunch out at our favorite restaurant then came home.

    I was a bit too tired to do the pillows so I finished my kitchen curtain project (finally they turned out great) then I stripped the old fabrics off the cushions so I can finish them today. I'm so excited but hoping my joint pain in my left hand will allow me to do the finishing work by hand.

    So today is finally a completely a FREE day for me to do as I wish, when I want to and I'm so excited.

    Hugs all,

  9. alaska3355

    alaska3355 New Member

    Camping is done for now.....we did pick some huckleberries. They are small little blueberries with an intense flavor. Something like the wild blueberries we used to pick in AK. I put some in pancakes, then the rest will go into the freezer. I only got a couple of cups of them, though.

    Anne- I agree with Nancy that a year is a long time to have Dave continue to stay on in the house. It would make it that much harder for you to move on. You don't need to make things easy for him, did he do that for you? Sorry, I'll get off my soapbox now.

    Nancy- I think you would make a good counselor.......

    Molly- Yes, school should start soon. Will your life be any easier then? I hope so, dear......we are rooting for you!

    I am missing my Dad so much right now. He passed away August 2nd. We used to watch shooting stars together when I was a teen, and right now there are lots of shooters. Go outside when it's good and dark and look for some- it's fun! It helps when I'm missing Dad.

    Take care,
  10. EllenComstock

    EllenComstock New Member

    Hi, Girls:

    Well, I have been getting my old life back. I have times when my arms feel better, but I have to remember to pace myself, but it feels good to be able to get out in the yard more again and work in my flower and vegetable gardens. We had a cool spring so my tomatoes aren't ready yet and I'm not sure when and if I will be harvesting any cantelopes. I experimented this year and planted an unusual kind that are shaped like bananas, only bigger just for fun. I've been getting lots of green beans and broccoli and have been freezing what we can't eat.

    And I have been gradually getting my house back in order which feels so good! I'm not sure if I told all of you, but I did apply for a part-time secretarial job last week at our local high school, but I haven't heard anything. The job would start next week, so I'm guessing I am not going to get an interview. This would be the first time I haven't had an interview for a job I've applied for, but the unemployment rate here is so bad (nearly 20%) and Harry wonders if my age is working against me, although I wouldn't think it would since I still have 17 years to work if I want full social security benefits at 67. I like to think of my age as it means I have lots of experience.

    The only thing that I am weak on for the job is the Excel, which I didn't hide in my cover letter. But I did state that I am signed up for a class. I just signed up for an adult education class, which starts Sept. 22 and ends Oct. 6. The class is two nights a week and most of it is being paid by the agency I found that helps disabled people find work. It's only costing me $40.00.

    I have decided to let God decide what is going to happen with my arm and bone pain in my arms. It is better at times and other times it's more sore. But overall it's better.

    Anne Theresa: I've been thinking of you a lot and your situation. I agree with Nancy and that David living in the home is not really the best for you. It may be the best for him as he was the one who made the decision to end this relationship and in his mind it is already over, but you are the one who is struggling with ending this relationship and with him remaining in the home for possibly another year, I think this will hinder your recovery. Although it may sound scary for you for him to move out right now, I believe in the long run, it will be better for your recovery. And yes, I think you need to take care of yourself and if it means taking baby steps, that's okay. I found that in recovering from my latest ordeal, that getting out even when I first didn't feel okay, was a great mood lifter and talking with other people was great, too. Of course we had different situtations, but it sounds like talking with your friends has been good for you. But I will continue to think and pray for you.

    Nancy: I am sorry to hear that you are losing weight again. You must be pretty thin by now. I hope all this legal stuff will be behind Katy soon. I have to get off the computer soon. Time is running short.

    Molly: I am sorry that between the dog and Liam life has been so stressful for you. It would be great if you could find someone to watch your son to give you a break. You certainly deserve it.

    Terri: I love to hear about your canning. Fortunately I still have a fair amount of tomatoes, some applesauce and frozen peaches from last year left. With my arms I will have to takes a break from canning this year, although tomatoes are pretty easy to do so I may do a few.

    Gotta go.

  11. AnneTheresa

    AnneTheresa Member

    Hello all,

    Nancy, you made me smile with your advice to Molly. Calgon...take me away...that commercial and the little song taught a generation of women to turn to bubble baths during times of trouble. No greater advice than a hot bath, no matter what the issue:)

    It seems your making headway with your sewing projects - how nice. My mum used to take great pleasure from sewing. I once bought a small machine and tried to teach myself to sew but I become overwhelmed every time the thread would get stuck in the fabric or some such thing. Eventually the machine jammed and I quit in frustration. If I ever try again I'll take a lesson or two so I'll at least know how to operate the machine.

    I appreciate your ongoing support, kind words and good advice and I agree with Terri that you'd make a good counselor.

    Terri, my heart goes out to you as you grieve your father. It's nice you have shooting stars as a precious link between the two of you. I keep African Violets for my father. Though we weren't a family that grew a lot of indoor plants, my dad always had a couple of African violets on the window sill that he would care for and nurture. Now I keep African violets on my kitchen window sill in his memory. I just love them and each time they flower I smile and think of dad.

    Ellen, I'm glad you're beginning to regain the use of your arms. It can be very frightening to lose an ability like that, particularly when you're unsure if, and to what degree, you will recover. Your choice to let God decide ( 'let go and let God' ) is the wisest course. Not just with regard to the situation with your arms, but related to all of life's challenges. Thanks so much for your thoughts and prayers, your kind words and timely advice. I appreciate your friendship.

    I completely agree with the consensus of belief that it would be better for me to begin living apart from Dave sooner rather than in the approximate year he's suggested. I agree this would be best for me and I've been giving a lot of thought as to how I could work this out.

    First of all, even if there were no debt, I don't know if I can afford to keep the house, even with a room-mate. I crunched the numbers and this is the outcome

    a) By sharing expenses, I could afford to pay the mortgage and bills and live modestly but
    b) There would be no additional money for house repairs, emergency, etc.
    c) If the upstairs tenant or the room-mate were to miss a payment, move without notice, etc. I wouldn't be able to pay the bills and I would have no money in reserve to fall back on
    d) The rent from the upstairs tenant (presently documented as part of Dave's income) would, when we separate, be considered my income and this would likely effect (decrease) my disability pension
    e) I would have full responsiblity for house & yard maintenance without a budget to pay for services such as snow removal etc.

    It's a small house (one bedroom and one basement rec.room) so more than one roommate is out of the question.

    This afternoon, I'm going to consider the possibility of selling the house & renting an apartment. It's hard to crunch numbers when I have such a small pension. I probably mentioned to you that my disability pension was calculated at 60% of my salary based on a 25 hour week, rather than the 40 hour week that I worked for most of my life. This, because I opted to decrease my hours (rather than quit working) when I became ill. I lasted for less than a year (at the decreased hours) before the illness caused me to quit altogether. It was a mistake on my part (to decrease my hours rather than quit) but the impact was buffered by living in a two-income situation. Now that I'm alone, I'm going to feel the pinch. Yet, there are many worse off than me so I remain grateful.

    God bless,
    Anne Theresa