When is a child old enough to try errands on her own? kinda long

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by painterZ, Jul 6, 2007.

  1. painterZ

    painterZ New Member

    Many of you know I have a 10-year old daughter that I do not have primary custody of, and I have another dilema. My daughter's friend lives directly across the street from me and the other day she was at her friend's house playing. First of all, she was given strict instructions by her grandmother (her temporary guardian) not to visit me since I need to be supervised. Ok, fine, that really doesn't have anything to do with the story other than it really hurt my feelings. Anyway, my daughter and her friend (also 10 yrs old) were given permission, by the friend's grandmother, to walk several blocks around the neighborhood to get a snowball. I know it was close, and the girls stayed together, but I feel like they may be too young. Of course I did tons of stuff alone when I was her age, but it really was a different world. I don't want my daughter to be terrified of the world, but I don't want to be careless either. I have not had hands on care of my daughter since she was about five (due to illness), now that I may be given the chance to do just that I'm very confused. If I approach my daughter's guardian about establishing clearer rules when over her friends' houses, I'll probably be blown off, or told that I do not make the rules for my daughter (which is currently being fought in court). What do you think?


  2. boltchik

    boltchik New Member

    It is most definitely a different world now. Some may think I am overprotective, but I would not let a 10 yr. old walk several blocks to get anything. I would probably wait 3 more years myself. There are sexual predators everywhere. My sister just had an attempted kidnapping by a sexual predator on her stepdaughter. I am a positive person and I believe there are many good people in this world. However, you just have to be so careful when it comes to your kids.

    I do not want to scare mine either. So, I just try to make them aware and teach them how to react to certain situations.

    Do you go to court counseling with your ex? Maybe you could bring up your concerns with the counselor present so your thoughts will not be discounted. Let us know how it goes. Have a good night, Kim :)
    [This Message was Edited on 07/06/2007]
  3. blueski31717

    blueski31717 New Member

    no, I would not let my daughter walk down the block or anywhere else nowadays...You see it all over the news about kids getting abducted with or without their friends.

    My daughter is almost 18 and I still have trouble letting her drive the car by herself..I heard on the news about that 19 year old girl being abducted right after she came out of target...

    If she did not have a chance what chance does a 10 year old have.

    I have very strong views about children going off by themselves walking around the neighborhood..Yea I did it when I was 10 too but it is a different world like the other one said.

    I see kids alone in the stores their moms nowhere in site and guess what if the kids came up missing the moms would be the first to cry foul.

    I saw one of my friends onetime in the store her back was to her kids and she was going through a rack. The kids knew me by site and I put my finger to lips and took the buggy around the corner.

    I watched her and 5 minutes later she turned around and was shocked to see her children not there and ladies that is how fast it could happen.

    She got scared and started calling for her kids..6 and 3 years old..I came around the corner and told her why I did it. She learned a very valuable lesson and she thanked me for opening her eyes.

    She no longer takes her eyes off her kids.

    I could of been some person she just knew and a predator too.

    Please try talking to the gardian. I know it is hard but you could save your own child. Do it in a way where like I said you have heard of many reports of kids walking neighborhood and still getting abducted.

    I guess is worth a try.
  4. jmq

    jmq New Member

    I have a 12 year old daughter and will only let her stay on our street ..not even around the block..and she takes a walkie talkie with her so we can communicate. I was able to go everywhere at her age...but it is a dangerous world...its sad but true.

  5. painterZ

    painterZ New Member

    how good it makes me feel to know there are other parents who feel the same way, especially now while my ex and his family are trying to prove I'm insane. I'm going to let my daughter know where I stand on this issue, and I'll also speak to her guardian. Maybe if my daughter knows what I view as safe for her to do, she will keep that in the back of her mind, even if her guardian has a different view.

    Thanks again to everyone.

  6. sues1

    sues1 New Member

    There is a couple of young girls that lives near me. Their mother works and their parents are divorced. She is a good mother. The girls are growing up so nicely.

    One sent me an email on keeping safe....one all of us have gotten in an eamil sometime or another. So I got permission from their Mom first..

    I emailed them that I had more to add to that safety from strangers list.....

    I started with the fact that they are kind, giving people. But that is a flaw when it comes to people. Do not let anyone in the house, call your Mom or any adult to the door. Even if they are crying wanting to use your phone. Ask them for a phone number and you will call for them. Ask them to wait while you call and shut and lock the door. If they will not give you a number, call the police to help them or check them out. (This happened to me and I was an adult, She looked like such a nice lady. But I had that funny feeling. She did not give me a number but asked me to drive her home. I said my husband would not allow me to do that. Any excuse works! I found out that a car load of men were around my corner and she had gotten out of that car and after leaving my porch got back in and left with them).

    A man falls at the park and his cane flies and he asks you to get it,,,go the other way from him and yell I will send someone to help you. Lost dog or child? Do not look , go oppostite way from the person and yell "I will get you help".

    Anyhow I had a long list. I ended it with. always be the wonderful loving girls you are, but part of grwoing up is learning these things, and it is not fair that you have to and that you will have to teach them to your children. Never be afraid to call me if you need to, I am here for you.

  7. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    Hi, painterZ - First of all I'm a little confused about the custody situation. Are you allowed any input at all into the rules of your daughter's life? The post reads as if you don't have now but you hope to have in the future. Is that right?

    Another missing bit of info is where you live. Sure, predators can be anywhere but some places are less likely than others. Small towns vs. cities. Another factor is how much has your daughter and her friend been taught about staying together, not getting in anyone's car, etc.

    I think it would be appropriate - and, again, I don't know the situation - to politely tell her guardian that you're concerned about this situation. In fact, I think it's your responsiblity as her mother (mother, right?), if you believe there's a danger, to at least go on record with your concerns, for the child's sake and for your own peace of mind.

    I wish you the best.

  8. Rene

    Rene New Member

    Hi I understand about the errands, but you said you ex who sees your daughter all the time and his parents have custody, was involved in a child porno sting. I would put my kid in one of those underground hiding or something.

    I'm confused as seeing her dad would drive me insane if hes a molester much less then going around the block.
  9. joyfully

    joyfully New Member

    If you are presently using to court system to get more visitation rights, I personally wouldn't say a word.

    You are walking into the lion's den because the grandmother is going to take is as criticism. All of your actions will be twisted by their lawyer. My view is stay silent, don't give them any ammunition to use against you.

    Things can get distorted soooooooooooooooo easily. Your daughter wouldn't like the tightening of the rules either.

    She is old enough that the judge is going to ask her opinion on certain issues. Remember you are dealing with a preteen.

    You pray that she is ok, but I think you are opening a can of worms if you say anything.
  10. painterZ

    painterZ New Member

    Sues1-I liked some of your examples of trickery that people use to get you in a vulnerable position. I never really thought about someone throwing something into an area where others could be hiding and then asking for your help. I plan on showing my daughter, and my nephews how to be a little more aware, although sometimes we're all caught off guard.

    Marta608-Unfortunately my ex-MIL has full, temporary, guardianship of my daughter. The trial in January will hopefully give me some rights back, however I won't have primary physical custody of her. I'm hoping to at least have a say in things that are important to my daughter's health and life in general. B)I've been very open with my daughter since she was very little. She's been taught about stranger danger from me, her father, her school and church. The problem is that you can teach your kids things, but they inevitably have to utilize that information themselves. It's scary because if adults can so easily become victims, tricking a child must be a piece of cake.

    Rene-I don't know, at this point, if my ex has harmed my daughter or not. I've gently questioned my daughter but she isn't saying much. I've tried to get social services involved three times and was denied. Once I got the State's Attorney involved and they called DSS, again the case was denied. He did lose his primary physical custody and is supposed to be supervised while with my daughter, which is a joke because my ex-MIL refuses to believe her son did anything wrong. I can't win any emergency petitions to take her because I became extremely ill a few years ago with major depression, suicidality, and D.I.D. It's a very long and complicated story. Believe me, my hands are tied right now. Our trial date is set for January 2008.

    Thanks, everyone, for lending your support, and showing interest by asking questions. It really helps.