When is it okay to say no to life in order to have a better one?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by G.I.Jane, May 15, 2003.

  1. G.I.Jane

    G.I.Jane New Member

    So, I was wondering. To anybody out there - I know so many of you have faced this conflict before. When for us does it become okay to say "i can't go" or "i can't do this" or even I "won't" - ? There will always be one more thing that means so much and attending MUST be the only choice - but when is it okay to let go and say *I* need to come first this time. When can that happen and you don't need to feel guilty or selfish? At what point can we draw the line in our lives and say that fighting for a better quality of life needs to happen now? I am the maid of honor in one of my *dearest* friends weddings this June. We live almost four hours apart and her bridal shower is this Saturday. I am having a flare right now and I know making the trip and all that it includes will only make things worse. I love her so much, she's always been there for me and I'm the only person in her bridal party. I feel myself automatically saying go to this one, and after this put your health first - this matters *so* much. But let's be realistic - everything like this shower will matter to me enough that I'll want to put it before my health. When is it okay to expect friends and family to understand and not be hurt and even WANT you to care for yourself? I want to take responsibility for my condition and fight for a better life but doing that means sacrificing *being there*. Is this just our choice and the only real one we can make? I don't care for it but it seems to me to be the right thing. I don't know any of you and I hope this doesn't sound too confusing. Please send any words of wisdom, I am ready to listen. Love and hugs @->->-----
  2. kredca4

    kredca4 New Member

    I have learned to do what is the most Important to me.
    It takes time for the family and friends to get it, but if my family can, anyones can.

    I was wondering tho, does your Friend know about your Illness? Did you discuss this before you said Yes? That maybe you would not beable to? If so, then skip the Shower, but make every effort to be in the Wedding.
    Get a Motel Room, and as soon as you feel like you need to, leave and go rest. She is counting on you, and it is an important time for her also. Is there someone else who could Stand in for you?

    I have the combo of CMP/FMS with orthopedic problems, etc. and I have learned that I am gonna have a small Flare after a big event, but hey I hurt 24/7 anyway, so I might as well try it.

    The Hard part, I swear, is getting out the door, once I get out the door, my mind goes to a differnt place and I can be active for awhile, just not to active.

    Good Luck to you, and rememeber only You can decide when to say NO, you pucker up your lips, and say nnooooo.

    Sincerely
    kredca4/sharon
  3. goingslowlycrazy

    goingslowlycrazy New Member

    ...it is so weird...I have been having exactly the same discussion with my partner, Phil.
    Last Friday, I went to Phil's brother's wedding, then on Saturday there was an all-day celebration. Then Wednesday, was a funeral and yesterday I had to clean the house (not a huge amount, but enough for me) as daughter had a friend coming over...with the result that I was in bed by 8.30 last night and Phil came home at 1.30pm today to get me up and I was still asleep...and felt like death, still do.
    I have to start putting myself first and accepting my limitations, I know that, but as you say, where do you draw the line?
    In my case, I should have foreseen that having daughters friend over would entail cleaning and had her over another night instead.
    So maybe you can look at your situation and cut out everything that really is unecessary and rest in between as much as you can. That motel idea is a really good one...
    let us know how you get on,
    hugs
    Mary x
  4. Takesha

    Takesha New Member

    or foolish, and I apologize if it comes out that way, but here is what I have learned to do. When I have to make a choice of doing something I "feel I must do" I close my eyes and imagine what advise I would give to my best friend if it were her asking me what to do. I have found that I would push myself much harder and be much less understanding in the advise I give myself. The bottom line for me is, I have learned to take my own advice and be my own best friend. I hope this helps some.
    Takesha
  5. G.I.Jane

    G.I.Jane New Member

    Hi - thank you guys for responding to my post :) I appreciate it *so* much. Yes, my friend and I have discussed the situation before this. She's said again and again how she knew asking me that I'd have limitations, and that it's okay with her. She's amazing:) I'll definitely be in the wedding - I have always considered that beyond questioning. And since she knows about my condition I know I'll have support if I need it while still being able to be there for her on such a wonderful day. Plus, my fiancee's attending as well, and he's a complete lifesaver when it comes to helping me if I need it. As for the shower - I've decided not to go. When it comes down to it I know her and I know she'll MORE than understand, and I have to start making decisions that help support my health. I really loved everything all of you said back - every bit counts for a lot! I hope you all take great care :)
  6. kmelodyg

    kmelodyg New Member

    Honey, I am right there with you. I am always overdoing it for others, not even stuff for me. This weekend is my 1 yesr old nephew's b'day party, my sister's college graduation, and a bunch of family that I haven't seen in over 10 years are going to be there. I just have to go! Or do I? Will it go on without me? What will they think of me? Will they be mad or disappointed? Whatever!!! I have to take care of ME first, right? Well, it's easier said than done, I know. We just have to take it one day at a time...

    Kathryn
  7. athome

    athome New Member

    The motel idea is great. When my son married in a big wedding/weekend of parties/huge very formasl reception, my requirements were:

    hotel reservation for myself and my assistant a day early and extending a day late

    as soon as they announced their plans, i arranged for my best friend to accompany me and help me

    went to my friend's a day early and stayed overnight before we left for wedding

    stayed with friend overnight on return trip

    It took a lot of planning, and I had to leave home earlier, but it was worth it. Got through four days of events and was abke to rest betweentimes.

    Only you, though, can know what you can do. Good luck.