When people ask you how you are, What do you say?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by phoenixrising2, Jun 16, 2006.

  1. phoenixrising2

    phoenixrising2 New Member


    My feeling is they don't really want to know and I just say "okay". My husband tells people how sick I am when I'm not around and they ask about me. He tells me that by telling them I'm okay it negates what he has told them.

    I can be feeling awful and tell them I'm okay because I've seen the results when I tell them I don't feel good.

    Sometimes I just want to hit people (not really...um, maybe I do!) when I feel so bad, but have managed to make it to church. They look at my tired, limp body with the dark circles under my eyes and say, "You look great!"

    One time I told a lady at church that was supposedly a friend and that I had tried hard to educate about this dd, that I never had a day when I felt "good". This was after she asked me if "I felt good today." She looked at me like I was the biggest complainer in the world and that never feeling good couldn't possibly be true. Her husband also made a remark the other day about us being unsociable because I have to miss church so much.

    I've been sick a long time and and I still don't know what to say to these people. If you say okay, they don't think you're sick. After you tell them you haven't been feeling well so many times, they don't want to hear that either. I never go into detail about my illness, either, unless someone asks me and really wants to know.

    The last few times I've gone to church and people ask me how I feel, I've said "Blessed". I would like to hear how some of you handle that question.

    Hugs,
    Phoenix


    [This Message was Edited on 06/16/2006]
  2. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    I smile and immediately say, How are YOU? The conversation just moves riiiiiiight along.

    I think we often forget that we don't have to say anything. Most men know this; women often don't.

    Marta
  3. Greenbean7

    Greenbean7 New Member

    That darned error message came up again, so if I posted this twice, sorry!

    I usually tell people I am "wonderful" but I liked blessed better.

    I don't think most people really want to know. I didn't think my DH wanted to know so I don't usually complain to him.

    The other night as I was relaxing on my new porch swing the neighbor Bob came over. Bob and DH were standing out by the motor home and Bob asked if we ever took it out.

    Dean told him I had been sick and it was too stressful for me to plan a getaway. He said he was going to plan a long weekend for us as soon as he was sure my MIL would be ok alone for a couple days.

    He does notice (I knew he cared, just wasn't sure he was really paying attention!)

    Hugzz
    Greenbean
  4. Kathleen12

    Kathleen12 New Member

    Is usually "I've been better, but I've also been worse". If it is a close friend asking, they will usually ask me to elaborate, and I know that they are truely concerned.

    The question is almost always asked only as a social greeting by casual aquantances, and not at all a true inquiry in my opinion.
  5. Chickypoohtoo

    Chickypoohtoo New Member

    I just say that I have good days and bad days. They don't know what I mean by "good days" or "bad days" unless they have FM so it does not matter. I know people care but their understanding is limited by their experience. I think they are doing the best they can just as I am. I feel blessed in spite of all the pain. Hugs to you Phoenix!
  6. butterfly83

    butterfly83 New Member

    oh gosh i dread this question. i usually smile and say 'fine' for most people because usually i doubt they really want me to go into a long discussion of the condition of my health on that particular day.
  7. phoenixrising2

    phoenixrising2 New Member

    I think it's bothering me more lately because I have been in a flare for several months. Today I have the trusty old sore throat, low grade fever, swollen glands and the aches all over my body.

    My husband had a colonoscopy last Friday and of course I was there with him. That, plus going out to eat with friends Tuesday night has done me in. I really didn't feel like going out Tuesday night, but I feel sorry for my husband because we don't get to do the things he'd like to. Don't get me wrong, he is very understanding - he just wishes it could be like it used to be. If I had said no, he wouldn't have said a thing.

    Marta, your "How are YOU" is a good way to handle it and I have done that a few times, too.

    Chickypootoo, I know that people really don't understand. I wouldn't either if I didn't have it. It IS hard for people to understand that you never have a good day, I just have better days. Like I said, I feel really bad and when I do, I start needing understanding. :eek:(

    Greenbean, I don't think people really want to know either. It's just always hard to answer when I've been home sick for a long while and they ask. I hope you get to go somewhere in your motor-home. We bought a nice 29 foot camping trailer and my husband bought a new pick-up to pull it several years ago. We sold it because I was so sick we only got to use it 3 times in about a year and a half.

    Kathleen, "I've been better, but I've also been worse" is a good one I've never used. I'll have to try it.

    Butterfly, I say fine or okay, too. I know people don't want to get into a long discussion and I don't either. It just seems like the people you have given literature to and tried to educate would respond better. I don't think you can teach people about this disease unless they have it.

    Thanks to all of you for responding. It's just good to talk to people that understand. Thanks for being there.

    Hugs,

    Phoenix


  8. shanel06

    shanel06 New Member

    Honestly ? My response is "I'm perfect ! How are you doing ?"

    I find people rarely actually want to know how I'm doing. Even my closest friends or family. If they truly want to know, they'll likely respond by saying "No, seriously, how are you doing ?". And then I know they really want to know.

    But in reality I very rarely tell people how I am, even if they ask me a second time. I might say I'm doing okay, or I'm a bit tired, or a bit sore. But I don't go into details. I honestly don't think people really care.

    Sad ? Maybe, but for me it's the reality. And that's okay by me.

    Shannon L.
  9. butterfly83

    butterfly83 New Member

    At least i know i'm not alone in my responses! My mom always says i should just tell people how i really feel right away, but I'm like you - people always have to ask me twice if they really, actually want to know how i'm feeling.
  10. TFD

    TFD New Member

    I am guilty of saying "I'm wonderful how r u?" The reason....I don't want to go into it and I'm not sure they really want to hear it. However, I am honest with my sister. She also has this dd. We now call each other and relate to the other how we are feeling my numbers. She'll say, "what's your number today?", 1 being the worst and 10 being the best. That way we can truly gage how the other is feeling.

    Tammie

  11. jake123

    jake123 New Member

    "About medium well but I'm enjoying my day, how are you?"
  12. sept

    sept New Member

    I laugh and say "hangin' tough".
  13. kalina

    kalina New Member

    I LOATHE this question when people use it as a greeting. I guess it works fine for healthy people, but I literally can't help but cringe when I hear it.

    It doesn't feel right to me to say "I'm fine" because I most definately am NOT fine. I have learned to just completely ignore this "greeting," and I will just reply, "Hey, good to see you!"

    I wish more people would ditch the "How are you"s and adopt this custom, as this kind of greeting is friendly and doesn't put people who aren't feeling well on the spot.

    If anyone asks me how I am later in the conversation, I know that they are sincere, and try to give them a short synopsis. If they want to know more they can ask, but they rarely do.

    Kalina
  14. Bambi

    Bambi New Member

    alive". Most people reply with "Well that's a step in the right direction". I leave it there usually but if I feel extra bad, I say "That depends on how you look at it." And that is usually the end of it.
  15. Empower

    Empower New Member

    I just say "okay"
  16. glafdy

    glafdy New Member

    My response to the question of how you are feeling is "I'm hanging in there. That's what I do best". If they truly want to know they will continue the conversation. If it was just the "how are you today sir" type question, they just go one with their day.

    glafdy
  17. NanceZ

    NanceZ New Member

    I most often just say "groovy"

    That stops them in their tracks, makes them smile usually and most wise people know I am just covering up my real and bad feelings

    It works pretty good and is certainly easy for me!
  18. lenasvn

    lenasvn New Member

    How are you?
    I say: barely breathing.

    It sounds so dumb nobody elaborates on it, and I'm off the hook and got my point in at the same time,,,LOL!
  19. Jordane

    Jordane New Member

    Yes I also believe most people just dont get it.What we have,so any answer other than ok.They just tune out.

    So I hate being asked it.

    Take Care!!
    Jordane
  20. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    Phoenix:

    The neighbors and the mailman: how are you today? Not so good, I usually say. They really seem to care, but at a distance of course. I understand that people just do not understand. They know I am sick, though.

    nyrofan
    [This Message was Edited on 06/16/2006]