When stressfull situations get out of hand

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by rosemarie, Jun 8, 2008.

  1. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    I may sound louney but I have a problem. Last summer around the 2nd of June my Mom became critically ill and was in and out of hospitals , rehab centers for months. She came home for good on the day after thanksgiveing and all was well or so I thought.

    I have always tried to stop being a "MOMMIES GIRL". I have depended on my Mom since my dad passed away over 38 years ago. She has always been there to help me get threw things my hubby just didn't quite get or understand.

    Mom is almost 81 and since last year I have been paniced daily that she is going to get sick again and pass away. I can't deal with the thought of loseing her. I have no one that can help me out in her care.
    she is getting some better but at her age and the problems she has with her health make me so nervous that I could just cry.

    I have been married now for 28 years and you would think that I would not need my Mommy daily. I talk to her daily, I take her to the doctors office , ER, blood work, groceries and to pick up scripts. Mom has gained some weight now and it above 95 lbs. That is the best she has been in over a year.

    My problem is that I can't sleep at night. I worry all night about her , what if she gets sick , falls and can't get up and needs help, what if she just passes in the night and is gone before I can tell her just how much she means to me.
    The day light hours don't scare me like the night does. The whole time she was sick I stopped sleeping at night. I waited by the phone in case some thing was wrong. Thanksfully every thing has been going well these past few months.

    I am so worried about this that I am sick with worry and terror. I don't even have words to use to tell you what I am thinking about. I want mom to live for as long as she can , do the things she enjoys, is happy, and feels pretty good. I don't want her to suffer and be sick all the time.
    At one time in my marrige I needed her daily as my hubby was drinking all the time. I would call her at night and talk to her for hours about feelings I had and how bad I felt.

    Now I am fighting this darn injury of having a large swamp cooler set on my hand and brusing the bone badly. My hand throbs so bad that it makes me ill and I dont' want to do any thing. I just want to sleep and restas I have not slept the night thru in over a year and I can't fall alseep till 2-3 in the am. I don't know what to do any more.
    My doctor knows about how I feel and tells me that I need to talk to a shrink but that does not help me in any way as It is just one more bill I can't pay, and I know that Mom can't live forever.

    I so want my daughters to move back to Utah so that MOm can' spend time with her great grand children Braxton 3 and Kari Rose 1.I want ot vidieo tape her playing with the grandbabies and talk to her about her life with my dad. I need to take the vidieo camera over to her house and watch her play with Jaden who is now 10 months old. I really want to get photos and vidieos of her being healthy and happy so that when she is gone I will have some thing to refresh my memeories.

    Then there is the part of I am so sick of being in pain all the time. I am such a klutz that I hurt my self often. And that only makes my fibro hurt worse. I ache all over all the time. I am naouseus and dizzy alot. I am so fatquied that I could just cry . I want to be normal again if I ever was. Don't remmeber that far back.

    I don't know waht to do aobut how I feel and how the stress is affecting me. I just want to spend some happy days with my MOm and my family with all of us happy to see each other and to get along.

    I need some support from my girls and don't get it. I cry too much for them and they can't deal with a MOm who gets teary eyed all the time. I want to spend more time with my Hubby.
    Please say a prayer for me and to just think of me. may be some one can tell me how to relax and let life do what it is going to do so I can let go of the strings I am holding so tight trying to control the lives involved here.
    Sorry this is such a long whining post. I just needed to vent and try to feel better about me and why I am acting like I am .

    I sat and cryed like a baby last night to my Mom as my left hand was throbbing so bad it was makeing me ill. I have not sobbed like that in years. I try not to upset her with my feelings that are so out of control. But I needed some one to talk with and she was it.

    I know that I can't go on like this I have to find my own way to deal with life but it frightens me some thing terriableI am sick of this never ending pain, the aches in my bones, being so cold that it hurts yet my face it flushing hot flashes.

    I want to be the mom I used to be. The one who had time to listend to what my family was doing, and not think of my self so much. Please if you can think of some thing that may help me to perk up and be happy and accepting of life no matter what will happen.
    Thanks for listening to me whine.

  2. poets

    poets Member

    I feel so bad for you. Did you ever consider getting one of those life-alert systems for your Mom? I got one for my mother and it was worth it for my peace of mind.

    You are blessed to be so close to your Mother. My Mom never lets me get close to her. She always pushes me away. I would give anything to be able to sit and talk and spend quality time with her, but I can't. She even ignored her grandchildren.

    The problem that I see here that you seem to have is a terrible lot of anxiety. I get like this when I've been stressed for a long time. I've followed your posts and I know that's the case. It sounds like you need something for your anxiety. No, you're not looney. You're a loving daughter who's overcome with anxiety.

    It probably would be a good idea to see a doctor about it so you could get some help. That's nothing to be ashamed of. I've had to do it myself before. You will be in my thoughts and prayers and keep us posted about how you're doing.

    Gentle Hugs,
  3. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    I wish I could help you.
    The only thing I can understand is the deep deep love for your Mom.
    I love my Mom SO much. I fear losing her every single day. I bring myself to tears just thinking about it.
    I know that I have a problem. =)
    My Mom is THE most wonderful mother in the world. If I could only be the mother to my children like she is to hers I would be successful in my life. She is an incredible person as well- so kind, gentle, beautiful....
    I could write a book about my Mom.
    I won't.
    BUT..my point is I completely understand where you are coming from.
    Love your Mom everyday. I just make sure I don't live with any regret. That would kill me.
    In your situation - that does not mean letting your Mom take advantage of you! You can love your Mom while doing what's right for you.
    I know that when I lose my Mom (or my Dad) I will be a mess. That's all I can say. So..I'll be one to understand where you're coming from in the 'love your Mom so much' department.
  4. marti_zavala

    marti_zavala Member

    Of course you would be devasted if something happened- it sounds like she is your best friend. That is normal.

    What is not good for you is the terrible anxiety over something that has not happened yet. You need to get the medication you need to stabilize your brain chemistry so that you can SLEEP!

    When the time comes for her to pass to a better place, you will be a wreck ALREADY! You have to sleep. and I would guess that the lack of sleep is just making your anxiety worse so that in effect you aren't enjoying your last days, months, years with her.

    Please get help and enjoy the time you have left with your mom.


    LISALOO New Member

    Don't take offense, put yourself first and get someone to talk to about these issues. It's not good if you're not getting sleep. It's not just your relationship with your mom that is being affected, and you will want people their for you when she is gone.
    [This Message was Edited on 06/09/2008]
  6. Granniluvsu

    Granniluvsu Well-Known Member

    Dear Rosemarie,

    i am so sorry to hear about this. Listen to Marti, she has the right idea. You need to get some quality sleep or you will be a wreck even before anything happens to your dear Mom.

    Have you always had a problem sleeping (with these DD's)? Are you on anything as of yet to help you? I understand how you feel. You ae SO lucky to have your mom with you so close. You are not even going to enjoy that if you don't get some rest so you CAN enjoy her. Otherwise you will be a basketcase before anything happens to your Mom.

    Just TRY and not worry so much all the time about your MOM, before she is gets in a terrible situation.

    Please talk to your doctor about your anxiety about her and your sleep (lack of). I know that it is not always easy not to worry but you need to to talk to you doctor and get some help. If you don't get help you will be a mess and won't even be there for your girls or your Mom.

    God bless you and keep us abreast of your situation please.

    [This Message was Edited on 06/09/2008]
  7. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    I want to tell you all that you had wonderful things to tell me. I have spoken to my md. HE wants me to do some relaxation therapy to help relax my mind and slow it down so I can rest.

    SO much has happened in the past year I finally discovered that I was not ready for mom to die yet. I am not like my brother. HE tells to to accept it that at her age of 80 she is not going to live for ever. So stop pushing her to want to live.

    Mom is stubborn and if she had not wanted to recover she would not have done. it. I however did will her to live at times. I told her while she was on a vent that she had to get better to welcome her new grandson that was due soon. She recoved so much that she was alert and remembers seeing Jaden a few days after he was born.

    I talked to her about the other great grandbabies that are in Texax right now and will want to see their great grammy when they come back in Sept.

    I have accepted that Mom can't live for ever no matter how hard I push or want her to. It is hard for me to think of losing her as I lost my father at the age of 13. So my Mom has been there supporting me no matter what I was doing . She still does. I have been trying to just do things with her like walking up the block and back. I know that if I get out side and moving I will feel better and get some what stronger.

    Today I had a procedure to scrape off the slow growing cancer I had on my nose. It was not fun , it hurt a couple of times but now it is worse as all the deading has worn off and I didn't get to take my pain meds soon enough.

    My hand that I hurt while putting in the cooler has been causeing me much pain these days and it has caused me to have a great deal of pain in my left wrist. I shattered in 4 yrs ago just 4 days before my youngest daughters wedding.
    It was a bad bad break and I have a titaium plate and six screws in it. MY wrist has been aching so much if it does not ease up soon I will have to see my ortho to make sure that I have not done any damage to the wrist and plate.

    But not all of my day was bad. I had a special call today from the cutest 3 yr old. Braxton Scott. my daughter called and Braxton blew me kisses over the phone and told me I lobyou gma. HE does not talk well yet and he kept telling me that he loved me and gma I talk to you now , lov you gama, you still there gama me go now. Love you.

    My eyes were tearing up as he hung up . but it sure made me feel better and happier that My grandson loves me and wants to talk to his gama when ever he can.

    That did wonders to me to help me find the peice of mind I need to learn to relax and accept what happens and I will deal with it then not stress before.
    Again thank you all for your posts.
    LOts of Love to all