when they don't believe you? They think....

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by billiegail, Apr 30, 2003.

  1. billiegail

    billiegail New Member

    They think your lazy and that you have to have something wrong with you or your not happy. It's all made up by people that are too lazy to work or need a reason to complain.
    It is sad, but people say this. I have been accused of this a time or two and I felt like a sorry bum.
    I have explained this disease, yet no one understands it.

    I have always been a very active and energetic person. Before I was stricken with this disease, my house stayed very clean and now, I can barely clean one bathroom before I am totally exausted.

    I have had a few things go haywire these past few years and it all came back to back and I don't understand it either, but I just wish they were all more understanding.

    Sometimes, I just want to lay down and give it all up. I know God has a plan and a purpose for this and I know I need to just hang in there and let Him reveal it to me.
    It is hard though, to go through life having to live it as someone your NOT.

    I have always been small and now I am 40 pounds over weight, depressed 24/7, hurt all over all the time, No energy, no drive.
    To know that most of the people think I am just lazy, just kills me more than this disease does.
    And to hear them say, "Billie you sure have gotten fat", or "Billie, you sure have let your house go to the dogs". And my house is not filthy, just not spotless!

    You get the drift. It is just depressing and having to explain it over and over again, just makes it even more depressing.

    How do you all handle this situation, if you have had to deal with it?
    My husband is very supportive, but the other day he was upset with me because I did not feel like cooking and told me that I was just plain lazy and that I just had to have something wrong with me all the time.
    I just wanted to leave and never come back.

    Your advice is greatly appreciated.
    Thank you
  2. bejo

    bejo New Member

    I understand how you feel.I have had some people who don't think I really feel as bad as I do.Also some people who don't want to know or hear how I feel.It is very hard to deal with.The depression and the crying and,yes,even giving up at times goes with me almost every day to some extent.So many things I'm too tired to do and to depressed to care if I don't do them.I guess what helps me is posting on sites like this and asking God to hang onto me so I won't go all the way under.I know that fibro has made me a more careing and understanding person.But the day to day living is hard even with my faith in God.So keep posting and you can say anything you need to say and we'll all be understanding and supportive.Here's my hand,it will be easier for both of us if we're not alone. bejo
  3. Sandyz

    Sandyz New Member

    I`ve gone through all the things you talked about. I often think to myself, that the hardest part of Fm for me are people that want to believe this isn`t real. I could take the pain, fatigue, everything. But not suffering so much and the outside world thinking we`re faking it or just depressed or any of the stupid other things they say that hurt and offend us. I don`t want pity from them just understanding.

    After 15 yrs. of this I know that the only people that can understand this are us. They just don`t get it. If only they could walk a hour in our shoes they would take all the hurtful things they say back.

    Someone had a saying I really liked posted here. I think of it when I get frustrated with so called "normal" people.
    "You can`t teach a pig to sing. It won`t work and you`ll just frustrate the pig." He-he. I love that saying.

    I`m glad you joined us. This is a great place for support and understanding It will help you immensely with so
    many things, especially validation of your illness and symptoms. We care and sincerely want to help you as much as we can.

    [This Message was Edited on 05/01/2003]
  4. Dara

    Dara New Member

    It does get very discouraging knowing that people don't understand and don't believe there is anything really the matter with us. You can tell by the look on their faces, the change in attitude if you tell them you have FM, and the phone that doesn't ring as often as it use to. Then their's the advice from normal people. I was told that all I need to do is get out of bed in the morning and take a hot shower, then I'll feel all better!! I almost never tell anyone that doesn't already know that I have FMS. I had about six sessions with a mental health therapist who specifically works with people with chronic illnesses. She recommended a book to me, "A Delicate Balance, Living Successfully with Chronic Illness" by Susan Milstrey Wells. I haven't read the entire book, but I do go back to it every so often for reinforcement. I am sick, I don't look it, and just because you can't see it doesn't mean it isn't there. I even had a rumatologist who told me that what I needed to do was keep working and being a contributing member of society. Now, that really stung. Of course that's what I want to do. But, when you can't even get dressed or shower until after you've been up for hours, how do you do it? If I accomplish just one thing, one very little thing, during the day I feel I've really done something special. If I am feeling exceptionally good I make the fatal mistake of trying to "catch up" for all the times I can't do anything. Of course, then I'm down and out for the next few days, or longer. So, when someone doesn't believe you or doubts you are sick, just remember that everyone on this board knows exactly how you feel. By the way, have you tried to get in touch with a support group for Fibromyalgia?

  5. stillafreemind

    stillafreemind New Member

    I know how you feel. Ya know..I am never sure whether I should tell someone about these diseases or just let them think I am a lazy no good. I just this last year told my Mom that I had them..I think we went through more misunderstandings for the first few months..cause she just did not get it. I think she understands more now..but bless her heart..she forgets about it sometimes. I truly think that only about ten people know I have it..and I doubt if five know what the heck it is!
    ... Sherry
  6. Spoonerpaws

    Spoonerpaws New Member

    Hang in there. I cry when I read your post.

    People just don't have a clue what we go through. I have scoliosis and often complained about my back and my sister used to just roll her eyes. Then one Thanksgiving, she through out her back taking the turkey out of the oven and was in excruciating back pain for days. THEN, and only then did she know how I feel.

    I guess we just have to remember that there are some good days. I went 2 weeks feeling just horrible (not able to get out of bed) and I thought I would never feel decent again! Well I feel a little better now, but those days were certainly dark!

    Hang in there and keep doing your research and trying different supplements and different diets to see which foods make you feel better

    Take care
  7. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    Hi Billie, welcome to the world of misunderstood people! We all get this at one time or the other from 'normals'.

    You need to 'clean' house, like I did. Get the people out of your life that are 'Toxic' to you, and just keep those you have got to live with.

    Quit trying to explain how you feel, or these illnesses to people who do not count in your life. They just don't get it. All you are doing is stressing yourself, and stress is one of our worst enemys.

    Keep reading the board, you will find a lot of help here, along with some of the greatest people you have ever known.

    Again, welcome to the board,

    Shalom, Shirl

  8. billiegail

    billiegail New Member

    I know that I will love this site! I don't feel so alone in this now and I feel that God led me to this site.
    Someone asked what I had....
    FM, Scoliosis, acid reflux, gastro intestinal problems and all that goes along with that. A few other things, but I am brain dead at the moment.
    I noticed a big difference in me after my hysterectomy in 2001. I had started getting exausted and hurting in or around 94 or so, but the doctors said it was my depression.
    After many many test and no infections of anykind, the only other option for my symptoms was FM.
    It has really taken a toll on me this past year though and it is getting worse and worse.
    I am real worried because I am only 33 and in school full time (took this semester off) and I am a photographer, take care of my grandma and my mom and I am very active in alot of organizations.
    I don't know how long I can keep this up. I take no drugs for this FM, but somedays, I'd love to get something to just knock me out.
    There is a support group in our town, I plan to start attending next week.
    I'll let you all know how it goes.
    God bless you and thank you so much for your support and encouragement.