When things get complicated...

Discussion in 'General Health & Wellness' started by Ely.bear, Feb 3, 2010.

  1. Ely.bear

    Ely.bear New Member

    My entire life I always felt like I was simply waiting for something to happen. And you know how when you get that anticipatory feeling, that antsy sensation, you know you have to go do something, if only to make the time go by faster.

    My entire life, I've felt the need to DO something because I always felt like I was just waiting for the best part to hit. I'm nineteen, living with friends, and stretched so thin I can feel myself fraying.

    I am by nature an over analyzer, and I tend to focus far too deeply on the details and forget about remembering and considering the whole picture. My boyfriend on the other hand, is able to maintain focus, but sometimes loses sight on the finer details. We complete each other, and what we don't have in common we assist the other. His strong points are my weak points at times, and it creates a sense of balance and symmetry.

    Perhaps reading too much into things simply creates an atmosphere for discontent. I don't want to sit here and be angry, but when the one that is supposed to be your partner leaves when they are angry without ever letting you in the slightest bit, it makes you a lot less willing to climb their emotional walls... especially if they are making no effort to even come close to climbing yours.

    I'm rambling. I just needed somewhere to type things out.
  2. TwoCatDoctors

    TwoCatDoctors New Member

    ProHealth doesn't provide any doctors so remember what you get are member's opinions.

    When you said "my entire life" and it turns out you are 19, I'm sorry but I had to laugh. I hope you realize you are no where near your entire life and are but a mere fraction of your lifetime which lies in front of you to make of it what you will.

    It almost sounds like you describe an anxiety and perhaps an obsession and unnecessary self expectation and perhaps almost perfection --like you said "waiting for the best part to hit." Sometimes microscopic examination of everything is part of perfection. Many times perfection comes from problems in childhood.

    If you are not in a really good part of your life now, it's time to rethink where you are and work on changes. I'm talking about good friends, good relationships, and goals you are moving towards for YOUR future. Your future doesn't come to you--you have to go get it through training, sometimes college, working, moving ahead in jobs, sometimes accepting jobs in different cities, and most of all being happy with you as you are right now--I don't think you are happy with yourself or life right now.

    I think you recognize you have a problem when you said that you're reading too much into things and it simply creates an atmosphere for discontent. How much fun are you really when you do that?? And perfection holds yourself to a high standard that gets exhausting to maintain. When you start reading too much into everything, tell yoursself to STOP and that it was Freud who said that sometimes A CIGAR IS JUST A CIGAR. Which means you can't make a cigar more than just a cigar.

    That your boyfriend leaves when upset is a safety mechanism. How long he can stay under the microscope of another and perhaps feel inferior and expect it to work out. Eventually you risk pushing him completely away unless you work on change.

    There are therapists, clerics and city caseworkers can many times help you find someone to sit down for therapy to try to unravel your situation and help you understand and get to a better point. You may be taught tools to use at home during tough times.

    Some say that time heals all--that's really not true. It's not time that heals, but what WE DO DURING THAT TIME that makes the difference. If we act to help ourselves, then we can heal--if we do nothing, then nothing changes but people may leave our lives.

    I wish you the best, good luck and many hugs.
  3. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Ely.bear. Welcome to the board.

    Are you from Minnesota? I am, but now I live in sunny California. Are you depressed?
    You don't say so. When I was your age I was very confused and depressed. Now
    my mental health is much better.

    Of course, I was your age half a century ago. My body and mind are pretty much
    falling apart, but at least I've kept my stunning good looks and sense of humor.

    TwoCats is right. People can improve their situation, but it takes effort. You might
    read my profile. Just click on my name above. You can see what I've tried over the
    years and what has helped. Might be some modalities you'd like to explore.

    A dollar's worth of vitamins per day has greatly reduced my depression.

    As for time, folks say it goes faster the older we get. Kris Kristofferson turned 70
    a few years ago. He said the years are like telephone poles whizzing past. Amanda
    McBroom really took poetic license in one of her songs. "Life's over before it
    begins."

    Are you a perfectionist. I used to be and didn't even know it. Now I'm a recovering
    perfectionist. Makes life easier for me and the folks around me.

    Good luck.

    Rock