When to give up

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Cindyvr, Mar 21, 2007.

  1. Cindyvr

    Cindyvr New Member

    Right now my life has been in such a bad place.
    Hubby told me a week and a half ago he wasn't sure he loved me anymore and moved out.
    He has me in this limbo type of thing where he has me thinking he will be back and then breaks promises and shatters me over and over again.
    I got up yest and thought why am I letting him do this to me and then I packed one box of his stuff. I think I am going to do 1 box a day..
    I had just gotten a part time job because I seen the bills piling up and no way to pay them. He left on my second day of work..So now I am struggling to get help.He left me with all the bills and everything is two and three monthes behind( most of the bills are in his name and people won't help me).
    I am having to depend on my 17 year old son who has a part time job and still in high school to help me pay the bills now.
    I am also applying for another part time job selling lottery tickets out of a booth type thing.
    I am not sleeping even with my sleeping pills..I may be getting only an hour or two of sleep every night.
    I am just so lost! How can someone marry a person and then all of a sudden say I dont know if I love you..and leave?
    He said he doesnt like the me Ive become. He said he's tired of me being tired and sick all the time.
    I didnt ask for this!
    I dont want it so will someone tell me where the return department is so I can get on with my life?!?!?!
    Not sure if I can keep the internet so sorry if I dont return.
    This totally bites!
    Got to go..Have to go get a background check so I can turn in that application.

  2. sisland

    sisland New Member

    So Sorry to hear the News! But you sound like a strong Pearson!!,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I Don't Know if you listen to country music ,,,,,,But there's a group called " Rascal Flats" They Have a new Song out ,That talks about situations like this! (sorry don't know the name of the song!)
    It say's that when your Down, First you Get Mad and then you get sad and Then you Stand and Show the world what your Made of!,,,,,,,,,,,,,I Have Been in your very same situation,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,And it's a very difficult one to get through But You can Do it! I have Faith in you!,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,It's a loss of pride, but you have to standup tall and walk the walk, and things will get better!,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I'm Praying For You and your sons!,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Sydney,,,,,,,,,Hugs!
    [This Message was Edited on 03/21/2007]
  3. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    to hear of your situation.

    Why are you packing up his stuff? Let him do his own packing. If you don't want him in the house throw his stuff in the yard.

    Are you eligible to apply for Social Security benefits? Contact govt offices to see what help is available.

    Do they have WIC assistance in your state. I parked by their office here in Los Angeles last weekend. A family walked out w/ five kids and a dozen bags of free groceries.

    Good luck
  4. Mini4Me

    Mini4Me New Member

    Your story is heart-breaking.
    I looked at your bio and saw a very beautiful lady there! Hopefully you will get through all of this and things will iron out soon. I'm glad you have a supportive son.
    Please hang in there. This too shall pass!

    As for no longer having internet access, perhaps you can get to us through your local public library. Often they have free internet use.
  5. fivesue

    fivesue New Member

    He just decided he didn't love me anymore and left me with two sons, all the bills, and the adult responsibilities.

    It is very, very hard to be where you are.

    He does need to pay for his part of the bills. I don't know your situation, but if you have children, he is repsonsible for them and for you if he was the primary breadwinner.

    You may need to contact a lawyer.

    You can do this,however. Don't let him bully you or make you feel bad about yourself...he's the jerk.

    Check on help, but also find out how to make him accountable.

    My prayers and thoughts are with you. It is a terrible experience, but you will come out the other side stronger.

    Take care.

  6. joyfully

    joyfully New Member

    Food Bank
    Food stamps
    Do you know anyone who could help you navigate the welfare system?

    Do you have a church that could help you?

    Many utillity companies have a donation program so people who can't pay their bills get some assistance. See if your particular utility offers this.

    You need legal advice BIG TIME. I'd start calling various services in your state and ask them what they can do to help you.

    When they say "nothing", ask them who they suggest that you call. Don't get discouraged. it will probably take 3 dozen phone calls before you find a hint of help. Anything that is assistance (in my opinion) is made extremely hard to find. I don't know why.

    Do you have credit cards in both of your names? I think you need to consider getting your name off of those accounts so the hubby doesn't run up large amounts on those cards and you are stuck with additional expenses.

    Do you have any savings or checking account together. Clean out everything.

    You really need to get legal advice. There has to be some free clinics or something to help you. You aren't the first woman to have this happen to her. Do you know ANYONE who has had to find emergency financial assistance?

    I'd go to your bank where you have the mortgage and tell them what is going on. I'd ask them what you are supposed to do or what steps they want you to take.

    NEVER leave any source without getting at least one more place to call from them. Also, try to get them to at least point you in the next direction.

    Even ask the question to them, "if you were me, what would you do next?"

    Pick their brains.

    Every state has variations in the laws about this stuff.

  7. Shalala

    Shalala New Member

    Men think with the wrong head my dear and he obviously wasn't listening to those wedding vows. I am so sorry hun. Men are vain and need sex to feel alive. Jerks. That is why I have a cat.
  8. morningsonshine

    morningsonshine New Member

    He is not a man, but a spoiled little boy. However that Please do not feel guilty about this.

    My husband has told me, that i'm no longer the same, or i'm not as much "fun" anymore. (well, neither is He)

    However, he has stuck by me, and still loves me, and physically he helps me at home, and with the boys, when i'm unable.

    So not all men bail at the first sign of difficulty.

    You must be feeling very overhelmed right now. My suggestion, would be to make a list of all the things you need to do. Lots of good suggestion here.

    And just start taking one thing at a time, on your list, and work your way down.

    That way you'll be more focused, and feel like you are actually doing something progressive about this whole situation.

    Hugs and prayers,


  9. Cindyvr

    Cindyvr New Member

    I wrote down the suggestions..I do need help!
    Ive caled some places and cause the bills are in his name theres no way they will help. Welfare said since he has bills here they have to use his income as a guidline too..no help there.
    I am just doing one day at a time. Its so frustrating!!

    The two good things that came out of this is that I know now I dont have to have him here and Im starting to remember me. The way I use to be. I can laugh and have fun without him. I mean I still want to bawl and throw the covers over my head but there are good times. The kids and I can laugh and joke around.
    I keep in my mind that God brought me to it He can bring me through it.
    The neighbor said it sounds like he is going through a mid life crisis. What ever!!!

    Hope I can be back soon for good just right now to much going on. I got on todeay cause I needed to see what you all thought and you dont know how much I appreciate your ideas. I am going to get off here and do some calling and see what I can get done before work.
    Thank You all so much!!!
    Hugs to you all

  10. Redneon3

    Redneon3 New Member

    Been there and done that,,, three times....LOL

    Not sure where your from, but when it happend to me and things were behind..I simply disconnected everything in his name and had them connected up in my own name (used my maiden name) and when they asked where "Joe Blow" moved to I told them I didn't know Joe and had no idea. Not keen on lying but I had to get some financial help and that was the only way! I borrowed money for the connection charges from some good friends and then Social Assistance helped till I got a full time job and got on my feet and even paid for day care while I worked.

    Been married again for 5 yrs, was struck down with Lupus 3yrs into the marriage and god love him he has been very helpful and supportive....guess I finially got a "keeper" this time! LOL

    Most lawyers will take on your case (get a seperation agreement ASAP) and make your EX pay for his services,since he is the main bread winner. Since he walked out on you, its desertion and he has to help you..no if's ands or but's! Also a seperation agreement will make him pay at least half of ALL bill now on your plate from before the seperation date, after the seperation date though you will be responsible for any new charges to say..phone,hydro, rent..mortgage etc. The EX is also responsible for child support, and half of any cost for child care, or after school programs the kids may be in like soccer, baseball, hockey...

    Also don't be afraid to call womens shelters,, they have great resorces to draw from..you don't have to be abused to get some names from them on where to go for help. Some churches have a fund for people in the neighbourhood that fall on hard times, you don't necessarily have to belong to the church to get help.

    Your EX is an azz plain and simple,,, seems to me there was a "in sickness and in health" vow in your wedding... he can't just walk out and then maybe down the road weezle his way back in when the bills are paid and your maybe feeling a bit better.... thats not what a marriage or a relationship is. Kick him to the curb and pick your self up and dust yourself off,,your so much better off without someone like that in your life. Doesn't feel like it some times,,but take my word for it.

    Good luck and I will be praying for you~Red
  11. SweetT

    SweetT New Member

    I feel for you. I can imagine your pain. Besides, I noticed that we have the same birthday. Plus, I'm also in Ohio. It seems as if we Libra women get our fair share of heartache when it comes to our lovelife.

    Besides taking the wonderful tips that you've been given, remember, what goes around comes around. He's putting evil out there, and it will most certainly makes its way back around to him. I never really believed that when I was going through it with my ex and people would tell me that he'd get his, but over the last several months, he has lost everything, and several years ago, he left me with nothing. The point is not for you to be happy that he'll get what's coming to him, but for you to remember not to return that evil to him. Just protect yourself and your identity and and marital assets.