Sometimes your mind just beats you up. My mind knows it's not right that I'm not able to function in this world and I think it's often searching desperately to figure out what I did wrong. It's like a part of me wants to make me wrong because it's got to be my fault that I can't work. It's got to be my fault that I've lost so many relationships. It's got to be my fault that I can't help around the house very much at all. It's got to be my fault that I can't keep up with routine life maintenance. It's got to be my fault that I can't think straight and that I'm slow. It's got to be my fault. I went wrong somewhere and my mind is determined to figure out where that is. It plays the past over and over. It looks at every mistake I've ever made a million times and then a million times again. I must have done something wrong. I keep telling myself that this isn't my fault. That this is just life circumstances. I've got to be strong and get through this and that quiets my mind for a bit. Then it starts up again. Where did I go wrong? How can I make it right? How can I achieve my dreams? How can I have a normal life? I feel guilty but I know I'm not. This is why I feel so much rage and anger at people who make me feel like I'm to blame for being disabled or that I'm exaggerating my symptoms. When they do that I know they're wrong and it hurts me and it makes me so mad. I'm going to stay as positive as possible. I'm going to keep doing my best every day. I know that's all that God wants or expects of me. But sometimes my mind just beats me up.