wherein nan2dance complains...

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by nan2dance, Feb 22, 2006.

  1. nan2dance

    nan2dance New Member

    WHINE ALERT! I'VE COME TO SHARE MY FRUSTRATIONS.

    I'm so confused. I don't know what to do with my day. I've been doing mild exercise kinda regularly for a while and so I took the next step the other day and went to the Y to stretcha nd walk on the treadmill a bit more than I have been doing at home. It went fine. Then yesterday I woke up with the CFS-y drain. The Fibro was actually fine - aside from being sore all over from exercise the way normal people would be. It was the heart stuff, the feeling of my plug being pulled. Oxygen deprivation, heart-slugging, mind-numbing torpor. I was sick.

    So today I feel "ok" but I don't know what the heck to do. I know those of you who are at the point where you can do some exercise go through this. The rollercoaster.

    I could do nothing. I could try to "get back on the horse" and do some gentle exercise. I can buckle down and get some serious desk work done. I need to prepare a new little night course I'll be teaching. And I need to prep next week's little class. This was supposed to be the week to make headway with the prepwork. But exercise and brainwork don't go together yet. I can do one or the other but not both - yet. And I do the brainwork only if I get lucky and have the clear head for it, exercise or no. But at the moment I don't feel like doing either, exercise or brainwork.

    Mostly I want a vacation from myself. From all of it. I want a vacation from always not knowing what I should do. The class was a big mistake. I'm supposed to be 100% dedicated to exercise and good nutrition right now and as tiny a job as it is the class is in the way. Too late now. (I DO enjoy the actual teaching immensely.) Life goes best for me when I can follow a routine and habits. If things like exercise were a matter of choice I'd never get better! But my routine is broken for the moment and I'm at a loss for what to do next. confusion. frustration. always taking care of myself and figuring stuff out. I need a vacation!

    I'm so tapped out at the moment that I can't even think of things I want to do. it's like that after being sick, for normal people. Feeling wrung out and no zest for life. Terminally bored. It's called fatigue. Yeah, I know, also depression. But in this case the fatigue and being sick came first. Well, you can guess I like to dance. Maybe I'll go put something irresistible on the player and groove a little :-] And I swear I have some chocolate around here somewhere...

    So thanks for listening. For the first time (I'm still new here) I thought, these are people who will understand! For those of you who are strong and caring enough people to read such posts, I thank you. Thanks for listening.

    Hey, yall got some favorite songs for getting your groove back?

    ~nan2dance
  2. kellyann

    kellyann New Member

    I know how you feel, there is so much to do and so little energy to get it done. I don't care too much for excercise right now, haha!

    Some of my favorite bands are: the Rolling Stones, ACDC, CCR,Steve Miller Band, Stevie Ray Vaughn, and Rod Stewart

    What kind of music do you like?
    Take Care!
    Kellyann
  3. neen85

    neen85 New Member

    You feel like you need to pick the exercise,but you have to do the class and need to do the paper work.....don't have the energy for it all. It is exhasting just thinking about it and when you haven't been in a routine long enough for it to be habit (over 21 days)it is easy to get thrown "off".

    Treat yourself to a relaxing massage with soothing music,then do your paperwork...back to the workout routine tomorrow??????? Daneen
  4. nan2dance

    nan2dance New Member

    Thanks so much for responding to my grumpy post. I floated through, feeling blue. I hate doing nothing. But sometimes that's all you can do. Hey, that's a poem.

    A massage would have been great. Instead I watched way too much tv and slept a couple lovely hours. Started a new knitting project while listening to some new tunes on my computer. Ate chocolate. This is the first time I've been able to hear (read) people say, I understand. Thanks so much for that.

    Oh yeah, a stinky bath and Aretha Franklin might have been involved - it's kind of a blur. There's so much soul on her "I Never Loved a Man..." album it meets me right where I am and lifts me up. No one can sing life's woes while making you feel quite so good as Aretha. Beautiful.

    So I'm feeling more myself today, thank you. Still no work done. But I did some gentle yoga and a couple errands earlier. The classwork is a load on my mind when I'm so very tired. I'm trying to trust that the work that needs doing will get done in time, eventually. grr. I'll tackle it just as soon as I can think a little clearer. Some creative juices wouldn't hurt either. God, I'm tired. I feel guilty doing anything that makes me feel good because I think I should be spending the time working. And if I could do just a little work I know I wouldn't feel so stressed. But I'm simply not there yet. In the meantime I should do things that "lift me up" shouldn't I? Heal my body AND soul?

    Maybe I should get some Stones music ;-) I just realized I don't have a single song! More of a Springsteen girl, myself. When I want loud and raw I like Throwing Muses, Hedningarna, ooold U2, and various raging classical pieces. For the relaxing, spiritual, loveliness I like Loreena McKennitt most of all. Then Gjallarhorn's Sjofn CD or Virginia Rodrigues' Brazilian tunes. None of which is exactly relaxing come to think of it. For moving and grooving I love Vasen's wild fiddles, Aretha's funk, and good old Talking Heads party music.

    Thanks for your kindness and thoughts. Much appreciated,
    Nan