Who died and put the doctors in charge of our lives?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by lilwren, Oct 4, 2002.

  1. lilwren

    lilwren New Member

    I HATE DOCTORS!!!!!! I am so tired of being treated like crap by doctors! Why do they have such egos? Who died and put them in charge of our lives. I'm sorry, but I just have to vent!!!! I have cried all day because of one of those jerks! I went to a neurologist to see if he could help with my arm being numb and my grasping ability slipping away. I am honestly scared to death that my arm will stop working so I am desperate for help. After a brief examination he tells me I have nothing wrong with me. I tell him I have CFS and Dr. David W. Malka (of Spring Hill, FL) proceeds to tell me and my husband that “CFS and Fibromyalgia are one and the same and they are merely a nuisance to the sufferer.” Our jaws dropped! Merely a nuisance!? I can't stand! I can't walk! I am no longer human because of this DD! And it's a nusiance!? I'd like to see how he would keep up with his schedule with this "nuisance" of a disease!

    Are all the doctors just in it for the money? Where are the compassionate - human - doctors?????

    I'm sorry everyone. I know the amount of love and caring that exists on this board and I don't mean to be so negative - I have just had my fill today! Thanks to all of you for being there for me everyday! Everytime I sign on I read your posts and they keep me going. Thanks for letting me vent.

    Sharon L

    [This Message was Edited on 10/04/2002]
  2. lilwren

    lilwren New Member

    I HATE DOCTORS!!!!!! I am so tired of being treated like crap by doctors! Why do they have such egos? Who died and put them in charge of our lives. I'm sorry, but I just have to vent!!!! I have cried all day because of one of those jerks! I went to a neurologist to see if he could help with my arm being numb and my grasping ability slipping away. I am honestly scared to death that my arm will stop working so I am desperate for help. After a brief examination he tells me I have nothing wrong with me. I tell him I have CFS and Dr. David W. Malka (of Spring Hill, FL) proceeds to tell me and my husband that “CFS and Fibromyalgia are one and the same and they are merely a nuisance to the sufferer.” Our jaws dropped! Merely a nuisance!? I can't stand! I can't walk! I am no longer human because of this DD! And it's a nusiance!? I'd like to see how he would keep up with his schedule with this "nuisance" of a disease!

    Are all the doctors just in it for the money? Where are the compassionate - human - doctors?????

    I'm sorry everyone. I know the amount of love and caring that exists on this board and I don't mean to be so negative - I have just had my fill today! Thanks to all of you for being there for me everyday! Everytime I sign on I read your posts and they keep me going. Thanks for letting me vent.

    Sharon L

    [This Message was Edited on 10/04/2002]
  3. kadywill

    kadywill New Member

    we understand how you feel. I wish I could help, but I've been to doctors like this. I hate that they hear very little of what I say and they seem to make their diagnosis after the first few words are said and they don't listen to the rest. I do know that I've been to more good docs than bad. I'll just have to stick with the good ones until one of us dies!!! lol
  4. Hidn

    Hidn New Member

    Saron,
    Please Vent! I did and people are so wonderful here :)
    I think you may be right about doctors, if we could only find the guy who died!! Well that may nor help anything but......
    I am so sorry you are going thru this I understand the pain and agony of these diseases and how cold and ignorant doctors can be! Hang in there ((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
    Denise
  5. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Neuros are the worst when it comes to egos. Considering that our illnesses are neurologically oriented, they had better get with the program.

    I'm sorry this has upset you so. If we get angry at our treatment at the hands of these docs, we are hysterical; it we cry, we are hysterical. This justifies for them that our illnesses are all in our heads. If they could go through what we do for just one month, they would approach our illnesses completely differently.

    Take a deep breath and literally just blow it off.

    Love, Mikie
  6. lilwren

    lilwren New Member

    I have tears of joy streaming down my face because of all of your caring, loving replies! This board is filled with the most wonderful people! THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME FEEL LIKE I MATTER! This DD gets me so down. If it weren't for all of you I don't know how I would cope. I know I don't know any of you personally (yet), and yet you embrace me with the love and support I need so badly. Bless you all for being who you are!

    with love,

    Sharon L
  7. lilwren

    lilwren New Member

    Dear Dancersmom,

    I have spent the last year educating myself about this illness, some of it I remember - some of it I don't. Thank goodness for the resources on this board and site. Anyway, I always have my list of what I want to discuss with the doctor, but they always somehow get me off track and I end up trying to defend myself on some issue out in left field. Which usually leads to me crying out of frustration and then it's downhill from there. I am so worn out trying to find a doctor who believes - it's like I'm asking them to believe in aliens or something. I do consider myself in charge of my health, but unfortunately they have to power over scripts and tests that I can't get on my own. I have gotten some recommendations for docs and will try them out once I regroup.
  8. camry

    camry New Member

    I went to see my medical doctor today also and cried half the day!! My doctor is usually very compassionate, but when I told her that I had been seeing an alternative medicine doctor I suddenly saw the other side of her. We had quite a conversation. I told her some of the vitamins, etc. that I'm taking and she told me she didn't like that because they're not FDA approved. Like all the drugs she prescribes that are FDA approved are totally good for you with no side effects??? Right?? She accused me of lying to her--which I never did. I set her straight. I looked her in the eyes and said, "Doctor, if you felt like I did every day of your life, you'd research and do everything you could, you'd try anything to possibly get better!!" I was of course crying when I said that. I had a good cry for myself when I got home, too. I'm glad I told her what I told her. We need to stick up for ourselves!!! I must agree that doctors have big egos and most don't understand. Give them a day in our shoes--just one day--and they'd change their tune!! Hang in there!!
    Paula
  9. poodlegirl

    poodlegirl New Member

    Sharon, it is very frustrating when a doc makes you and your symptoms/disease insignificant. It may be to him/her. They are not the ones who have to live with the aches and pains day in and day out they can still get out and function and do physical activity. They can have a full nights rest and wake up refreshed. They are not the ones who are slaves to the exhaustion, pain pills or depression. It is by far the MOST significant thing in your life, because it effects every aspect of it and not only you but your family has to learn to deal also. There are good docs out there, but there are unfortunately too many like the ones you have described. I encountered one much like this one the first rheumy I saw. I waited, in pain for 2 hours to see him. I was so stiff and sore I could not move. He spent a total of about 2 1/2 minutes with me, in between getting 2 phone calls right in the middle of my exam, said I had fibro, gave me a pamphlet, told me to lose weight and do water physical therapy 3 times a week, told me to set up another appointment in 6 wks, but if I felt better, would I please call about a week before so they could let someone else have my app. time! I felt like I was the least important thing in his office, including the plants! He did not tell me anything about pain control, what causes FM, anything. And to beat it all I had to find a place that would take my insurance for the water physical therapy. My insurance requires a referral and he was not even willing to help me with this. I ended up not taking physical therapy becuase I could not afford to miss 3 days of work a week. I felt 10 times worse upon leaving that stupid man than I did before I got there. So you see, we know how you are feeling. We are here for you. Vent away. We all have felt unimportant by our docs at one time or another, but there are good ones out there. Keep trying. We will be here when you need to vent!:)
  10. Saramee

    Saramee New Member

    I am so sorry you had that experience. Believe me I think we've all experienced it. I haven't been on this board for a long time (my brother-in-law died suddenly, my husband's long-time friend died suddenly and my friend Gwen had "minor"surgery for kidney stones and never woke up. She died 3 weeks ago) but have not forgotten how kind everyone was to me when I first started posting last year.

    I went to a new doctor this summer -hoping and praying for some kind of relief - I now have new symptoms. My left hip and upper leg hurt so bad at times that I actually get on the floor and moan. And my left hand is numb. I told all this to my new doctor and she listened and then said "I'm going to write you a prescription". I asked "for what?" and she said....."for Prozac". I couldn't believe it. She basically said I was depressed and all these aches and pains are imaginary.

    Please hang in there and know that you are not alone. When I first came to this board I was about at the end of my rope. I was so sick and so weak that I didn't want to think about facing life in such a condition. But everyone here helped me just by being here.

    I wish I could reach out and give you a hug cause I know how frustrated you are. Mostly I wish I could reach out and smack your doctor!!
  11. Wingingit

    Wingingit New Member

    It seems like many of us are in the same boat with this DD.
    I am stuck with a doctor who just "doesn't get it" and I have begun to dread my appointments with him because they upset me more than anything.
    I have no option here in Ontario to find another doctor (I am considered lucky just to have a GP).
    This guy has a huge ego and simply refuses to think "outside of the box"(and his is a very small box!).
    For many months, I would end up crying at every visit out of sheer frustration with trying to get him to listen and take me seriously. Of course he diagnosed me with depression and put me on one anti-depressant after another to no avail (I went along with him because I had read that some anti-deprssants can help some people with pain). They didn't help me, except to make me "numb" to my emotions. I was still angry, frustrated and in pain, but I didn't ever cry in his office (so it was a bonus for him).
    After 2 years of suffering, all I really want is a diagnosis so I know how to proceed in coping with this DD.
    It is so frightening and frustrating living with all of this pain which has no name.
    On top of that, I am in the middle of a disability struggle.
    The lawyer tells me we need the support of my doctor so "don't rock the boat" with him. This is tough when the doc is not listening or helping me.
    In fact, he has not made any suggestions regarding treatment other than dishing out an array of meds and actually gets angry when I tell him they aren't helping.
    Typical remarks I hear from him are "you certainly do seemed distressed by this?", "Oh, does your neck hurt?(after months of my begging for an MRI to determine why my neck hurts constantly)", "You don't need an MRI...it won't show anything", and after a one minute press here/press there check..." you don't have FMS because you don't have tender points in designated places"...then I ask "do you want me to show you where the painful points are?"he replies "No....umm...I believe you".
    I could go on and on, but I'll spare you.
    Don't you just feel like beating them up with a baseball bat and then, when the pain begins to ease up, beating them again...and then ask them "how is your mood?".
    I am at the point where I would simply like to be done with this doctor crap and allow myself to cope with this on my own and with the help of wonderful groups such as this.
    Unfortunately, without a diagnosis I am not going to get my disability pension, and so I press on.
    I have an upcoming appointment with a pain clinic and I think it is my last hope for validation and some kind of diagnosis. Am I getting my hopes up for nothing? Has anyone gotten any help from a pain clinic?
    Thankyou for listening and for just being here.
    I no longer feel so "alone" in this struggle.
    I wish you all the best in getting the help you need, and wishing you all more "good" days.
  12. TeaBisqit

    TeaBisqit Member

    I've been seeing a bit of a difference in the newer doctors attitudes toward this illness. They seem to be a bit more compassionate and don't tell me I'm nuts. The doctors who are still in their 30's, closer to my age, they seem to be more open about the illness and even believe the cause is organic. The older ones seem to be less compassionate and tend to think we're all crazy. I've had my share of bad docs, so I know the horror and frustration of it. Once I went to one who insisted I prove I'm sick. She was a total nightmare. She wanted all my medical records for the past ten years and insisted that since there wasn't a single shred of proof in my test results to indicate I'm sick, then I must be a hypochondriac. I couldn't believe that was a doctor. Not one ounce of compassion in her whatsoever. She even hurt me on the physical exam, squeezed my arms and legs so bad, I thought I'd be black and blue. And then she told me to bend and when I couldn't, she asked me in a nasty voice why not, and I said cause it hurts. She was a total animal. I never went back there. I don't know why there are some in the medical community who enjoy preying on those who are sick, maybe they are just evil and get off on it.

    TeaBisqit
  13. lilwren

    lilwren New Member

    I wish that doctors were held accountable for their actions like other service industries are! They are just as bad as lawyers and politicians. I think the way we are treated is abusive and criminal! Why do we not have rights? Why can we not be treated with dignity and respect? Someone - somewhere - sometime has got to take notice of the abuses that we are going through and make it an important issue. I am tired of being denied medical treatment! I'm tired of being abused and paying for it! Something has got to give soon - there are too many of us that are sick from this DD, and that's a big chunk of a once productive population flat on their backsides!

    I waited a year to get into the 'Mayo Clinic' and the doctor decided I had to have a pelvic exam right then - right there in front of my husband - just to show us that he was in charge! And I'm mental!? If I were rich I would have sued them, but alas I am a poor middle class woman without a lawyer on staff.

    I also thought that the younger the doctor the more likely they would be to think outside the box, but the last two were in their late 30's and soooooo arrogant. They both told me CFS/FM was just a name for a nuisance illness that not much was known about. What!? How can they be doctors and not know that this is a real illness!? It just boggles my already fried mind! We know more about it than they do, BUT we can't get them to listen! Okay - one of us should go to med school!

    I'm tired of fighting for my right to have input on my health issues! I'm tired of doctors getting defensive because I want a say in my treatment! They don't have the corner marketed on intelligence - they weren't born doctors! Were they?

    I am just so angry and frustrated, and seeing all of your horror stories just makes me see red all over again - sorry. Thank goodness for the internet and web sites like this where we can help ourselves!

    Okay I'm off my high horse - thanks again for letting me vent again. I wish you all a day without pain - or at least a few minutes.

    I'm sorry Mikie - I know this is not a chat room - please forgive me if I broke any rules.
  14. Cactuslil

    Cactuslil New Member

    Texas, atleast the part where I hang my hat, is not "user friendly" when it comes to 'pain disease' situations. The use of pain relievers is a hot topic here where most go grab a "cool one" and a shot of tequila.

    I truly have been through the ringer however through those trials I learned that few docs around here pull their own strings. The documentation required by them, then required by the pharmacy are staggering.

    Yes, I know what it is like not to get the medication you need or even an appointment timely; I know of waiting in filthy mental clinics to be seen. In there case our local county commissioners won't allow enough money to run a half-decent clinic. For some employees it is obviously a labor of love.

    Back briefly to the docs. After getting my SS award and could actually think and select a doctor I got just plain lucky and found a doc, hailed from this dust bowl, and returned to practice the art of healing. Yes, he has insurance hassels, and yes, he must comply with tons of paperwork if he wants to keep his doors open. We were yapping one visit and I asked when he was going to close the no. of clients he sees. He said that was a toughie because if Motorola drops him as their required doc, he loses a couple of hundred would-be patients.

    Anyway, some docs are just asses but even they have to deal with accountants practicing medicine...scary! The entire doctor thing is so regional to top it off. Bush allowed 24 HMO's to drop medicare and medicaid. Right now I have a good plan but if it is one of the 24 it is time to move to Houston. Wish we would solve this medical dilemna. And that surely includes proper care of mental illness! CactusLil'
  15. BethM

    BethM New Member

    I am about to fire my pcp as soon as I find a new one and inform the HMO I am switching. I posted last week about my last visit with him, when he told me that mycoplasma testing is not possible because it is not part of the "protocol", ie. AMA approved, I guess. (he used another term which escapes me as I am in the midst of a flare that is threatening to fry my memory completely.) I appreciate hearing other people's stories and experiences, gives me strength and focus to continue fighting the medical fight.

    BTW, I am an RN, and stopped working hospital in 1985, at least in part because working with doctors is so blessed frustrating.

    I am in process of taking charge of myself and my illness, because if I don't, no one will, it seems. Apologies if I sound a bit bitter, but it hurts when a doc I've seen for years basically writes me off. It's time for a new approach, a new doc, if I can find one.

    Hugs all around, and thank you all for sharing, and thank you, Sharon, for starting this thread. It helps.

    Peace,
    Beth. (The term I was looking for was "not within the standard of care". Whose standard of care, I don't know. One that this doc feels safe with, I suspect.)
    [This Message was Edited on 10/06/2002]
  16. Annette2

    Annette2 New Member

    Doctors are not in charge of your life - you are! You are paying him! If you don't like him, leave and find someone else. When my son was very, very sick 2 years ago, his Gastro doc waltzed into his hospital room - my son was 22 years old and weighed 95 lbs! - and said to him "so, when do you want to go home?" Well, when I heard that I went ballistic! I called my Family Doctor and told him to recommend another Gastro doc. Within 2 days we had an appt. with him. I never called the first doctor and I tell everyone I know never to go to him. I didn't have time to waste dealing with him - my son's life was at stake. You are not a victim - you are in charge of your own care. The best way to find a good doctor is to ask friends and relatives who their doctors are. I came to the city I live in 7 years ago and knew no one. I have been very fortunate to find wonderful doctors. I asked friends, went to the hospital and asked there for referrals. You don't need to take abuse - just leave and find someone else!!!!
  17. lilwren

    lilwren New Member

    that may be the way it’s ‘supposed’ to work, but I cannot get blood work done if a doctor doesn't agree that I need it! I can't get a prescription if a doctor doesn't think I need it! I can't get medical treatment if a doctor doesn't think I need it! There are many tests and treatments I would like to try, but unless the doctor agrees with me I can't get them. Period!

    I have been to more doctors in the last seven years than I can remember. I have gotten referrals, and recommendations. I have called and spoken to many more doctors that I never made appointments with. I have e-mailed doctors. I have had two hospital stays in the last three years. AND, I still don’t have a doctor who will work with me. I can’t even find a doctor in my area who believes in CFS! You are lucky to have found a wonderful doctor. Some of us are still looking.

    By the way - I am looking for a doctor to help me heal. I don't take pain meds and am trying to do this naturally, so I guess that makes it even harder to find a decent doctor.

    [This Message was Edited on 10/07/2002]
  18. poodlegirl

    poodlegirl New Member

    Hi all, just going back thru some old posts to see replies and such. Here is a topic about Dr's. I know we all have encountered careless docs and cold hearted ones too. I must say I have had my share. But I know that my insurance co. is as guilty as any bad or careless doc. I am thankful I have insurance, don't get me wrong, but it keeps getting more costly every year and the benefits keep going down. I have to have a referral for everything except my pcp. I know many people out there do not have insurance and again I am glad I do, but I think that more often it is the red tape of the insurance companies that keeps docs from doing what is best for the patient. Of course Docs can if they wanted to, get around a lot of the red tape.
  19. BonBons

    BonBons New Member

    Der Lil: I have the same problem which my family makes fun of because I always drop things. Fortunately, my neuro ordered an MRI and I have cervical spurs which causes the nerves to go numb. There is good information on the web; just type in cervical spurs. VENT...it's good for you and I wish you good days and answers. BonBons