who else is the only one with fm in there family

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by kats1978, Oct 28, 2002.

  1. kats1978

    kats1978 New Member

    it seems to me that nobody understands what I have to go trough in order to have this...I don't know what as happened but every time I turn around, I get told that if only I was well...it s not like I can control this and trust me at times I wish that I could....I am single once again and at a young age it seems to me that I wish that there was someone that could take this off my hands and just allow me to have a free life...I can’t seem to fine a job that wants this and not working because of being house wife doesn’t seem to me to be the best of anything...I wish that for once I could no worry so much about this but to be able to have the nerve that I see in so many of my pets...I have days like this were I just wish that I could vent....then I have others that I wish that there was a man in my life that didn’t want to push me into anything that I know that I am not ready for....By the way when I fine a man that can make me happy does anybody know how to brake the ice and tell him about FM???????? Sence I really don't know were else to turn I was hoping that somebody here could tell me...
  2. kats1978

    kats1978 New Member

    it seems to me that nobody understands what I have to go trough in order to have this...I don't know what as happened but every time I turn around, I get told that if only I was well...it s not like I can control this and trust me at times I wish that I could....I am single once again and at a young age it seems to me that I wish that there was someone that could take this off my hands and just allow me to have a free life...I can’t seem to fine a job that wants this and not working because of being house wife doesn’t seem to me to be the best of anything...I wish that for once I could no worry so much about this but to be able to have the nerve that I see in so many of my pets...I have days like this were I just wish that I could vent....then I have others that I wish that there was a man in my life that didn’t want to push me into anything that I know that I am not ready for....By the way when I fine a man that can make me happy does anybody know how to brake the ice and tell him about FM???????? Sence I really don't know were else to turn I was hoping that somebody here could tell me...
  3. lavender_butterfly

    lavender_butterfly New Member

    ...but I am certainly willing to attempt to try to give you some ideas!!

    See, I guess there are some aspects of my own personality and interests that I was concerned about, going into a relationship. These certain aspects are really personal and not things I wish to share here. But lets just say that some of these things led to serious difficulties in my past relationships. Before I met my now husband, I seriously thought that I would always be alone.

    My husband and I were friends before we started dating. And I guess that most of my "secrets" came out before we started dating. Once we were together as a couple, I gave it a little time. Then, I sat him down and told him about some of the other secrets that I had not shared with him. I told him that these were things that he needed to know about me, things that I wanted him to know, because I don't believe in keeping secrets or being dishonest in a relationship. I told him that if he wanted to be with me, then we should discuss those things, get them out in the open, and deal with them head on.

    He was really great about most of it and a little touchy about a few things. But we did deal with those things head on and after that, it wasn't such a big deal. I felt like I could relax and really have a good relationship. We have been together now for seven years, five of it married. I won't say that its been all champagne and roses. Heck no! We have had some seriously bad moments and we almost divorced this summer. But in my opinion, no relationship is perfect and all of them take constant work and improvement. But still, the struggles and occasional miseries are worth it in the end.

    Honestly, I have been out of the dating loop for long enough, I don't even know if I can make decent suggestions. But I would say, just be yourself. Don't hide things, don't be dishonest. Let that amazing personality shine through and meet someone you can be comfortable with...someone you can share common interests with. I am not sure how you are meeting potential suitors, but focus on the positive at first. Don't focus on or worry about the DD. Don't focus on the DD. Don't let it get you down. The DD is not WHO you are...its just something that you deal with. It is a major something, don't get me wrong! But it does not define the entirety of YOU. If you date someone for awhile and things seem to be going well, then sit him down and lay it on the line. Have some resource materials for him, or address of websites, so he can read about it. Be prepared to answer a lot of questions. Be prepared to bare your soul. If he is a keeper, he will understand.

    I really hope I was able to help!! Trust me, there are good people out there who will love you for who you are...for better and for worse. Just try to keep your chin up! Always remember that you are beautiful person, you deserve to be loved, and you deserve to be happy.
  4. kats1978

    kats1978 New Member

    Sometimes I have to remind myself that thank you is always a must...I haven’t had much time to even worry about this although it sometimes seems like I have had to have all the time in the world to think about it. some of my really good friends ask me and I tell them the truth but I hate it when somebody just sits there and doesn’t understand....it is just very difficult to ask my family because of the fact that I am the only one tat as this and even with it I just wish that they would understand....
  5. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    I would say that you received some excellent advice from Lavender! Honesty is the best policy in this situation as in all relationships, its best to get it out in the open before things get too serious anyway.

    There is someone out there for you, my husband married a very sick lady here with three children and two dogs! WE are still together after 30 years.

    Like Lavender said, it was not all 'wine and roses', but we made it.He is my biggest supporter, and he will go out of his way to make my life easier.

    My children are all grown, and on their own,my husband is very healthy, and is younger than I am. He takes care of me in everyway he possibly can, so we get into some battles sometimes, but who doesn't? But its never anything that can't be resolved.

    So, you see, there is hope for you, and don't forget that. People who love you, see YOU, not an illness. YOu are not the illness, its something that you have to deal with. I raised my children with FM, it was not easy, but I made it.

    Now I live a very quiet life in the country, I have company when I feel I can handle it, my husband works for an oil company and is gone a lot, which is great with me, I do enjoy my solitude time when he is gone, and I am happy when he comes home too! I could not ask for a better life.

    My daughter lives close, so I do have help if I need it when he is gone, so it all works out.

    You will also find someone to love you and understand and take care of you too. And hopefully they find a cure for all you young people with this illness soon.

    Good thoughts going out for you, from me!

    Shalom, Shirl


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