Who has young children and suffering???

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Debdelo, Jun 28, 2008.

  1. Debdelo

    Debdelo New Member

    I have two boys: ages 1 and 4. I am a mess and have a hard time getting through the day. Anyone else in my boat? How do you get through? Tips or Suggestions?
  2. slopok8225

    slopok8225 New Member

    I have two boys, 12 and 14 and I suffer a whole lot every day. They are a handful since I have them full time. My wife left me just after my diagnosis and now I have to deal both with my pains, sickness and being so damned tired all the time and still get them to school and pick them up. I don't really know how I deal with it, I just do. I must admit that there have been a few times when I could not function and the kids had to stay home from school since I was unable to get them there. All I can say is I do my best and more often than not my best isn't good enough. My biggest thing I do is to try to get a nap in during the day while they are at school, so that I can recoup from the rest of the day.
  3. tandy

    tandy New Member

    Its tough!! I know. Somehow we just struggle and get thru each day~ doing the best we can do under the crappy cirumstances.
    I became ill when my now 15 yr old son was 2 yrs old.
    I then got pregnant and had another boy!! so I had 2 boys under the age of 4. As much as they say too much TV is'nt good for a kid,.. I must admit the TV helped me alot.
    I don't really have any tips. sorry :)
    I managed and I'm not sure how.

    wishing you luck~
    and try to enjoy them,... they do grow up sooooooooo fast.
    I'm glad I have them to fill my days and make me laugh.

    your boys ages are so funny/precious. Especially the 4 yr old!! ya just never know what they're gonna say!!
    and usually by that age they've calmed down enough to where they can at least watch a full movie~ ???
    for your sake,..I hope so :)
  4. SweetT

    SweetT New Member

    Pick the two-hour stretch of the day when you have the most energy, preferably around noon, and use one hour to let the boys play at a local park. After that, use the other hour to give them baths and let them have quiet time, watching children's shows, playing with blocks or running trucks across the floor, while you sit on the couch and doze off during that.

    Also at that age, kids are grateful for just riding and looking at the scenery. When my girls were little, going grocery-shopping and going to the bank gave them a chance to get out of the apartment.

    Another thing is to take the boys to your local library's story time.

    Is there a personal reason why your 4 year old isn't in preschool, like Headstart or something, where you'd have at least a 3 hour break from him, Monday though Friday? If your income is on the lower end, it should be free. Some places even provide transportation. Plus they feed the children.

    Young kids, much like adults, just want to have something exciting to look forward to. If your 4 year old knows that on Mondays, he gets to run around the park and on Wednesdays, he gets to go to storytime with other kids, he will have less problems with quietly watching Sesame Street and Blue's Clues while Mommy naps.
  5. marti_zavala

    marti_zavala Member

    I got sick when he was 9 -already a single mom, he is 18 now. I worked from home at the time (thank God for that). So, I got up at 7am, went sraight to couch. Directed him to get his breakfast and make his lunch. Saw him get on the bus (he was in public school).

    I worked in my recliner all day.

    Then when he got home, I got up out of the recliner. Cooked simple dinner, then took him to boy scouts or karate.

    Back in my recliner by 9pm. Researched this illness till eleven, then back to my bed.

    Day in and day out.

    What I wish I had done then - compression socks, sodium chloride and potassium chloride (both for NMH), thyroid, adrenal stuff, pain meds.

    I think I could have been a better mom and taken care of us better.

    He turned out great, in spite of me (and the illness). Eagle scout, Student LEader of the year at local community college. Plus, he is thankful for every opportunity and is definetly not spoiled. (we were homeless for a while)


  6. texangal81

    texangal81 New Member

    I think my FM might have begun when my son was little. He didn't sleep through the night until he was 4 and I was the walking dead the entire time. I didn't work outside the home but I was in school finishing up my degree and I had a daughter who was 7 years older than him. I was also the typical soccer mom - I had my hand in every pie PLUS school. He was in daycare a few days a week so I could go to class. I was a natural student, so I cut a lot to sleep. I still graduated with a 3.85.

    My suggestion if you can afford it - MOTHER'S DAY OUT. One day, two days, 5 if you need it and can afford it. They will survive and most likely thrive, trust me. Does your hubby support you or is he just another typical male pain in the rear? Sorry, mine didn't support me, he glared every time I 'asked' to take a nap. He muttered Lazy A&& more than a few times. This is why is now and ex and I am still single.

    If you CAN, find a MDO program or inexpensive, decent daycare. Spend the entire time they are gone in bed (or resting on the couch). Don't use it to cook, clean, do laundry or anything like that. Don't use it to talk on the phone or surf the net. Don't watch TV. JUST REST. USE IT FOR YOU. If hubby doesn't like it, too bad.

    Again, IF you can afford it, have your house cleaned. Don't do it yourself. With tiny kids, it doesn't stay clean anyway, so don't waste time on it. Often times you can find a woman who freelances and doesn't charge as much.

    When it comes to meals, remember KISS - keep is simple stupid. Lots and lots of casseroles. Toss it all in one pot and stick it in the microwave or oven. Again, a lot of these tips require some money but buy food already prepared as much as you can (like veggies and salad already cleaned). Just rinse really, really well. Frozen veggies are a good alternative. Unfortunately there is a catch 22 with 'fast food' since most of it is prepared with crap we don't need. So it is hard find fast, healthy stuff. My kids are grown and I still don't have to energy to eat healthily. I'm working on it.

    If all else fails, turn to cable TV, movies and video games. It won't kill them, my brother and I were raised that way and we both graduated with honors. My daughter and grandson lived me until recently and we couldn't live without the Noggin channel on cable. Get it if you don't have it, they will love it and learn from it. Too much hype about how to raise kids, it's a lot of bunk if you ask me. The 4 year old can blow up Sesame street and the one year old can watch. Yes, I'm being sarcastic, but you understand my point. If YOU can stand listening to "Nemo" all day and they'll stay enthralled, it will alleviate some stress.

    MOST IMPORTANTLY. If hubby is a jerk, find a way to get into counseling. He has got to understand what you are going through. I don't have any patience with most men at all, I find the majority of them worthless. But it sounds as if you have one who is able to financially allow you to stay at home. So hopefully you can squeeze some of this into your budget.
  7. texangal81

    texangal81 New Member

    I am SO sorry your wife left you and the kids. She sounds as worthless as my ex was. If you read many of my posts, you'll see I have a 'man' issue. But I do need to temper that. My father is a saint. That says it all. My brother is up for sainthood. My son is a real gem, despite his father's hatred of me.

    You are a great man and don't let anyone give you crap. Can you afford some help? A part-time housekeeper maybe. A HS school girl who needs a little cash? Why is it that everything that helps us takes money??????

    My son was a quite a handful until just recently so I can only sympathize with two. Does Xbox or Playstation keep them occupied? I'm all for using every tool out there. You can limit their time or screen what they play. They don't HAVE to blow up people. I wouldn't allow them to play online yet, too many predators out there.

    We forget that men get this DD too, so many of us are women who struggle. Some of the tips I posted for debdelo go for you too. I am SO blessed that my kids are grown and that all I have to do is care for myself.

    I will be praying for all of you who have families to care for. I don't know how you do it.
  8. Debdelo

    Debdelo New Member

    Thank you for your comments and stories...I really appreciate them. I come to this site a lot - it helps me. Thank you again.
  9. monicaz49

    monicaz49 New Member

    Ironically, I have two young boys too...ages 1 and 4. Actually my one year old will be turning two in august.
    It is one of the scaries things to me as a person with CFS, to have two young children that you have to care for around the clock and not to mention being a single parent.
    Fortunately I get alot of help, but it seems that no matter how many hours of help I get...I still have a difficult time.
    I dont know how severe or mild your CFS is, but either way it is a challenge. The lack of sleep I get and unrefreshed sleep doesnt help. I rely have to rely on other peoples help, despite my guilt.

    If you have extra room in your home you can rent out a room and use that money for babysitters. I actually provided my last nanny with a room in my home in exchange for PT care.

    Maybe you could try childcare exchange with someone else if you are feeling up to it. So that there is no money involved. Or get shared care to split the cost with another parent.

    As far as just coping, I pray, I try my best to not feel guilty, I also get fun/educational DVDs they like from the library once in a while.....and put to occupy them for a while when i just cant keep up with them and need some silence and just lay on the couch.

    If you can find away for them to burn energy outside or in an activity...they will sleep earlier and allow you more time at night.

    Sorry, i dont have very good tips. Its one of the hardest things ive had to cope with in my life (other than just having CFS)....is having CFS and kids.
  10. jaba520

    jaba520 New Member

    2 boys 7 and 4, they are a handful, thank god my husband is around alot. I work about 35 hours a week, sometimes mornings are rough getting everybody ready and out the door on time. On bad days when I get home from work I just lay on the couch my kids know it means im not feeling well and usually play toys pretty good together. I just feel bad they have a mom who "hurts" all the time and gets really sleepy. My job is a desk job and most days I can handle it. Good luck
  11. tandy

    tandy New Member

    it sure seems like alot of us have boys

    pure coincedence i'm sure but none the less,odd.
  12. annade

    annade New Member

    My illness began right after the birth of my son, so unfortunately I have been extremely fatigued and in some pain since his birth (see bio for add'l info). I have had to take it one day at a time and meter out my energy. I enrolled him in a coop preschool at age 2 where he would go to school two mornings a week, one morning I worked in the coop and the other he went without me. It was great for both of us and gave me a few more hours a week to rest. I also joined a coop babysitting group when he was 3 months old and we would swap babysitting each others kids once a week.

    In addition, when my son was 9 months old I hired a part-time babysitter for 8 hours a week (2 days for 4 hours) and that would give me time to run errands, nap, clean the house or do whatever I needed to do to keep my head above water. It all helped, not to mention a very supportive husband who would help take care of our son when he got home from work. Certainly not the ideal fantasy I had of being a mother, but it has worked and my son is doing well and thriving. He is now in school full time during the school year and that allows he to now go to my gentle yoga class 3-4 times a week and spend a considerable time resting before he comes home. I have just enough energy to do homework with him, prepare dinner, do laundry and get him ready for bed before I collapse at 9pm.

    Anyway, that's how I do it. Again, not ideal, but it works.

  13. TinaJones

    TinaJones New Member

    I became ill about 10 weeks into my last pregnancy (2003). My boys are 13, 12, 10.5, 9, 7 and 4.5 years old. Needless to say, the last five years have been the most challenging years of my life :)

    It IS interesting that many of us have boys...huh?

  14. hatbox121

    hatbox121 New Member

    I get through it by using lots of meds. I'm also in a really bad fibrofog so lists, lists, lists. I have to program everything into my cell phone. I keep a notebook and pen in my purse. Sometimes we just have sandwiches or pizza. Alot of the time I can't do what my 4 yo wants me to do. She is sooo hyper so it's like the total opposite of me. I feel bad but at the same time......I just can't. My 4 yo also helps some with my son. Finding his bottles, bringing diapers, openening his door when he wakes up, that kind of stuff. My 4 yo goes to preschool so if I'm home alone with Jack(I also did this with my daughter when she was young. I had a night job.) I'll lock his door to his childproofed room, lay down on his floor, have a bottle and snacks, and just let him play while I either nap or just lay there. His room is super child proofed. I usually do one load of laundry per day. It doesn't seem as much as 10 loads on sat. I usually wait until good days to do deep cleaning. I have to dust more often than I like since my son has asthma. I've been dealing with this since I can remember though. My symptoms began at age 8 so I'm kinda used to it. I don't really know anything else. I also have to work so my house is not as clean as I'd like it. It's clean but cluttered. But it's not going to be sparkling so I just have to deal with it.