who lives alone with not much support and isolated?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Rene, Nov 15, 2005.

  1. Rene

    Rene New Member

    Just wanted to know if its only me who is soooo alone with no friends and no sibiling with basically my mom who is ill but have been very abuse to me my whole life. I spent the night with here once a week and that is my socail contact.

    Neighbors here are all to themselves as I live in an appartment.

    What is youR SITUATION??
  2. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    with my almost 16 year old son, doesn't quite understand since he recalls me as a working mother and doing things. to livingin like this..

    family out in michigan, i'm here in california. ex-husband lives about 80miles away in san jose. he isn't one hundred supportive and understandin. more than he was before the divorce. but i a m supposed to be moving on in my life afer divorce...

    my mother told my sister in june that she considered me dead. well she didn't wan tto hear about the physical, emotional and sexual abuse that had taken place... so she had to stand by her man....my father. anyways even when i played the game of nothing took place my father never has even called myself or my son to say hello for anything. we would get a b-day card and christmas card but that was it.

    i live in an apartment w/son. he will hopefully will leave to go to college and move on w/his life...then i don't know what i will do then....


    jodie
  3. Rene

    Rene New Member

    Doesn't seem like to many people are physically alone. I wish I could work even two hours a day. Fight 4 a cure can you work??

    I was just wanting to hear about people who live a lone ie no kids or roomates and not able to get out to work ect.

    Just want to know I'm not the only who who is alone though I don't wish it on anyone!!
  4. abbylee

    abbylee New Member

    I live in a town where I don't know anyone except my husband and the lady who does my hair. My husband works 12 hour shifts (which are really 14 hours with commute time), that rotate from day to night, so when he's home, he's often sleeping.

    He's as good as gold and takes me places when he's off, but when he works this support group is the only contact that I have with other humans - except for email or phone.

    All of my family is in another state - which is hard - because my parents are too old to travel here much and I am too sick to go there very often so we talk on the phone for a few minutes almost every night.

    My children work (in another state, too), so occasionally they come for the day, but for the most part, we email.

    I grew up in a town that's about 30 minutes from here, but it's a small town where only 2 of my classmates still live and they work, too, and since I'm sick and homebound, I don't see or hear from them either.

    I read until I fall asleep, watch Foxnews, listen to talk radio, and post to this group - oh, and I work from home part-time, but have never met my boss or any of my co-workers.

    I just keep hoping for a cure.


    abbylee

    [This Message was Edited on 11/15/2005]
    [This Message was Edited on 11/15/2005]
  5. BHopeful

    BHopeful New Member

    I live alone as well in New York City. NYC is crowded, but it can be very lonely. The biggest frustration is being sick and having to do everything myself - clean, cook, shop, bills - no one to share any of lifes burdens on top of this disease.
  6. alonebutnotlonely

    alonebutnotlonely New Member

    rene,

    I guess that this post makes my name self explanatory. I have no children. My 2 sisters live 3 1/2 hours away. I live on the same property as my parents. I have to drive my mother to town once a week (I have a broken foot right now and it's taxing). I have several email friends but none of my lifelong "friends" have been to see me after I got sick. And here I thought that living in the mountains would be so alluring to my "friends".

    I'm really OK with it though. At this point I'd much rather be alone than with anyone. I saw what my being sick can do to someone who lives with you full time.

    I've always been pretty much a loner. Even with my ex I was a loner then too. Just give me a good book and I was happy.

    Dee



  7. jfrustrated

    jfrustrated New Member

    Dear Rene,

    it's not just you who is alone: with our sort of illness loneliness is a real possibility. But being lonely is not the same as being alone. You sound like you are both and that is really sad.

    I am alone: no family at all. My cat is my best friend. (maybe I am wierd?) I do have about 5 or 6 friends/acquaintances. I try to see someone at least once a week, if I am well enough. I am unable to work. I am fortunate in that I am not lonely, as I enjoy my own company and I try to keep as much stimulus as I can: tv/books/internet/ etc. Sometimes it's gets to me, but usually I am ok.

    Social contact can be difficult - any local groups who meet and chat? Could you try a local church or library or support group? There are lots of stuff out there, even for people who have to sit down a lot or leave early.

    I hope I do not sound too chirpy or revoltingly cheerful, but today is an ok day. I hope you have some ok days too.
    [This Message was Edited on 11/15/2005]
  8. Rene

    Rene New Member

    The support group is about 40 min drive and that is too far plus I can't sit that long. I went to the NIH in DC and purchase THREE seats as I can not sit up for more than an hour or so. That was the most fun I have had in 6 yrs (hospital NIH Study) as I was around tons of peole.

    I usually only talk to people about 10 min a day. Like store clerks and a quick call to my mom who has mental issues and not the most positive person.

    Maybe I will get a pet but I'm upstairs. I'm in my 30s so I will never have kids or adopt cause I'm just making it barely.
    I miss all my old friends. I was just getting promoted to Coach at my job 6 yrs ago when I was sick.

    I even had to go by myself for an suspected ovarian cancer 3 days before xmas last year (only 35% live with ovarian cancer) and the first words he said was "are you by yourself?"

    Anyway I'm not as lonely as I was in the beginning but am alone big time- 6 days a week cause I go to my moms once a week and never have any visitors. She is very mEAN and it is not pleasant at all in anyway.

    Well thanks for sharing everyone.
    Rene

    Anyway I
  9. mbofov

    mbofov Active Member

    This disease is very isolating. I can't work, am on disability due to CFIDS. Last June I moved to a high desert community in California because (a) I love the high desert; (b) I could afford to live there and (c) I had some good friends there. My marriage of 24 years just ended (the divorce was final last week), and we'd been separated for 3 years. I had been living in Santa Maria near my elderly parents but that was crazy making (sexually abusive father when I was a teen) so it was good to get away.

    I have two grown sons but they live way out of state and I rarely see them.

    Anyways, my long-term friends suddenly moved, without warning, and I'm in the process of trying (very slowly) to build a life. I still like it here, but it is very hard to get a life. I'd love to volunteer at the library as a literary tutor but get sick so often I can't commit to anything.

    I'm 54, living in a mobile home park for people 55+ (and most seem to be way over age 55), and most of them have more energy than me. But I LOOK healthy, so I don't try to explain to them why I can go for days without leaving my home.

    It's hard, there are no easy answers. I wish I had some. The only thing I can say to you, Rene, is that it probably isn't good for you to be seeing your mom if she's abusive to you, but I also understand you need some social contact. I think that probably is the worst part of these illnesses (FM and CFIDS), the horrible isolation and helplessness.

    You really ought to consider getting a cat - they are low maintenance, the hardest part is getting litter box cleaned. But they can be affectionate (or aloof and indifferent, depending on how they feel), but they are some company. I just got mine recently and she makes me laugh. She's almost 2 but still acts like a kitten a lot, runs around very fast and sometimes leaps at my leg like she's stalking me.

    And I am very glad this board is here, it's some contact with others. I don't have any answers, but I just keep on trying, doing research, trying new things, doing everything I can to get my health and my life back. Anyways, you're not alone (in being alone) --

    Mary
  10. Sue50

    Sue50 New Member

    with my fur baby, she is the best cat, I just love her so much. I do have a couple of friends, we meet for coffee and talk on the phone occasionaly. My mom lives a few blocks away and so does my sister, but I don't see them very often, mostly holidays. Some days I'm so glad I live alone and other days I wish someone was here to talk to.
  11. Adl123

    Adl123 New Member

    Dear Rene,
    I'm sorry you are alone, for I know how hard it is.
    I live with my 3 fur kids in the mountains. Most of my friends and family are hours away. I can't work any more, or socialize much, as I seem to pick up whatever bug anyone might be carrying. So, I just stay away, especially during flu season.
    I am lucky to have some friends in this little town and some other relatives and friends who keep in touch by phone.
    Sometimes it is lonely, but it is also peaceful and free of the stress that comes from criticism. I love where I live, and my little cottage, nestled among the oak and pine trees. I am very lucky to have my fur kids, who protect and comfort me. Things could certainly be worse.
    When I was working, I ofen wanted to take time out for a retreat. Well, I consider this my free retreat. I don't need to go anwhere because it is quiet and peaceful here, and I'm already in what most people would consider a vacation house. Look at all the money I save! :)
    Hugs,
    Terry
  12. Windytalker

    Windytalker Member

    I love alone. Both my furbabies are now gone and I've found my life a bit easier not worrying about cat food and sand. I'm very physically limited/handicapped, but somehow manage. I do have someone who comes in to clean (a real blessing). I am married, but we're separated and have been for about 2 years. This is fine with me...don't want him around to make my life more difficult.

    Message boards and emails are my "lifesavers". I'd be lost without them. Plus, I'm a bit of a loner. If I feel the need to talk, I call friends. BUT, they don't want to hear about my physical limitations...usually I end up give them "support"...

  13. Rene

    Rene New Member

    Thanks for sharing. I would like a dog but I'm upstairs. Yea I even had to call the ambulance cause of my cyst leaked a few months back and had no one to pick me up-had to take a taxi home. Very embarrassing.

    I do understand being lonely even if your married. I was married in early 20's now in 30's.

    Kristie, Yes I saw your adorable cat! Funny picture
    Rene

    I'm still in a pity party mood but I will give myself a few more days cause the last 6 yrs of my illness I have had a pretty good attitude!!!


    [This Message was Edited on 11/18/2005]
  14. scotlandrose

    scotlandrose Member

    I live in Nashville. I moved here for a job and to be closer to my family. Found out I was sick after I moved.

    Now, I have no job, my Brother moved away, my parents live 2 hours away but my Dad thinks I am "faking it" and won't let any family visit. He's said I am a financial burden and hinted/warned the rest of the family to leave me alone.
    My Mom sneaks me money every couple of months.

    Have 3 birds to keep me company. I no no one here. I have friends I talk to on the phone sometimes...they still have lives to live.

    It can get lonely. With no help...food, cleaning the house, and other daily/survival things just don't get done.

    I understand your situation all too well.

    Scotland rose
  15. Adl123

    Adl123 New Member

    I was reading through the posts and I just have to tell you how very sorry I am that your father is treating you this way. It is so very hurtful.

    Please remember that I'm thinking of you and praying for you. My dad isolated me when I was young , and then put me into boarding school, where I was more isolated, especially since I was poor and the others were rich (I did work study), so we had nothing in common.

    My heart goes out to you.
    Love and prayers, and BIG HUGS,
    Terry
  16. libra55

    libra55 New Member

    I am an only child. It sounds like (maybe) you are too, as you said "no siblings". I have just turned 50.

    Both my parents have passed away and I do miss them deeply. My husband works nights and sleeps days. Sometimes weeks go by before we talk. He is an odd duck. He doesn't really care about my FM and now I have Crohn's on top of it so he is basically in denial of it. I go to all my doctor's appointments by myself. In September I became very ill, that's when I was diagnosed with Crohn's, and I was told by my doctor to go to the hospital. Well I had to practically beg my husband to drive me there. He didn't think I was that sick and that I was faking it. I told him if he did not drive me, I would call the ambulance and he would end up paying for that ambulance. He didn't like that as he is very cheap. But that is another story and I digress.

    I have two teenage daughters. The older one has Asperger's Syndrome which is a form of autism (and I suspect the husband has it as well) so she is not very sympathetic to my situation. My younger daughter is very kind and caring of me but she is an adolescent and they do have their moments!

    I have three wonderful friends. We meet once a month for our "Breakfast Club" at a local diner. I look forward to it very much as it's basically my only social outlet. In between times, they work and are busy with their families.

    There is one aunt, and one cousin and his family, about an hour and a half from here. I might see them twice a year. We talk on the phone a lot. My aunt sent me a phone card with 500 minutes on it that she paid for, because my husband complained about the phone bill.

    So as you can see I have some people around me. But I still feel very lonely at times. My social network has dwindled down to nearly nothing. I have not worked outside my home since 1995 so I don't have that connection any more. I love coming to this board. Otherwise I feel like all I do is take care of my family and go to doctor's appointments and the pharmacy. It's very boring.

    I like to read, and garden when the weather is nice, I also take walks when I feel up to it. My two best friends are my Welsh Corgi dogs. Furfriends are the best! They are so devoted and loyal and ask very little in return.

    ((((((Hugs)))))))
    Michelle
  17. LindaW

    LindaW New Member

    Rene when I read your post I jujst wanted to hug you and tell you I know how you feel-Although i have a wonderful husband he is very busy and works long hours. when he comes home he still has work to do, so there are many tomes when he is here I still feel alone. The situatio with your Mom is horrible, I have been there. I have not spoken with my mother in 10 years. For so many years I just put up with it becauseI try to live my life by the Bible, but 10 years ago I realized she has been abusive to me my entire life and God does not want me to be a doormat for her. I have peace in the situation now. God has put a wonderful person in my life and she has been a true mother to me. I am alone every day, my only daughter lives across the country. Some days are better than others, but I know the ache of being lonely. It would be wonderful to have a friend to talk and laugh with, and could understand this illness.Itt is not easy to make friends. My friends were my work mates, and now that i don't work my life is pretty empty.As you can see you are not alone, because so many people have responded to you. What i am trying to do is to be content , and take one day at a time. Some days are better than others.
    lw
  18. Tigger57

    Tigger57 New Member

    Well, I live alone with 2 cats and 2 dogs. It's not the same as having some actual help.

    I have a brother that lives about 10 miles away, but he just can't handle that I'm sick all the time, so many times he kind of avoids me. Every so often I have to make him face it. I'm not even making enough money to pay my bills, and I'm working. Believe me, the people there are not support at all, and I will not let them know about my fibro.

    I don't usually feel lonely, but often feel alone. Alone without help when I need it.

    It's not good, because sometimes the depression is overwhelming... thank God for the fur-babies. Seems like every think I do is to try to make them at home.

    My poor Eddy needs surgery on his eye, but I can't afford it. I even had the thought of working a second job.... I can barely do one, how would I do two.

    I hate it so much.
    Tigger
  19. kch64

    kch64 New Member

    Hi Rene,
    You said you were in DC at NIH for a study. Do you live close to DC?

    If so, If you'd like to call me or chat with me, I'd be happy to try and give you bit of support. I have FM, but not as severe as some.

    I live in the Northern Virginia suburbs.

    Let me know. Just answer this post.