Whole life ripped away

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by brokenblonde, Mar 21, 2007.

  1. brokenblonde

    brokenblonde New Member

    I've been suffering from CFS for 2 years now and as a result I have developed severe depression amongst other mental disorders. I was at University, but now I am stuck at home because I've had to take time out to recover. My depression got really bad as a result of the CFS, which caused me a lot of stress and as a result made my CFS worse. To the point where I had to be carried back and forth to the toilet because I couldn't walk. Anytime I seem to make any progress now I end up right back at square one again.

    I used to be a lively, fun-loving person, and I loved having all my friends around me before the CFS. Now....I'm paranoid, constantly scared and timid person. I have panic attacks whenever there's lots of people around me. And my "friends" care so little about me they can't even be bothered to send me the odd text to see how I am. Everything I used to enjoy and love has been taken away from me. I'm a completely different person, who I despise, but can't change! Feel like a 90 year old trapped inside a 19 year old girl's body and I don't know what to do or where to turn!!!
  2. jmq

    jmq New Member

    I feel so bad for you. You are so young and it sucks!!!!There are many people on this board who are bedridden, young, and at the end of thier rope too...you will be hearing from them soon. Hang on..we may not be able to hug and cook for each other....but I have found more comfort and wisdom at this site than anywhere.

    ((((((((hugs)))))))))))
    jmq

  3. joeb7th

    joeb7th New Member

    I am at the same stage as you but I am older, much older. But I still know how you feel.

    It just makes you want to cry...alot...and I'm a guy!

    Just keep praying for a miracle. Take care. Fellow sufferer.

    Wish there were seperate hosptials for people like us.
  4. doglover5

    doglover5 New Member

    Hang on the calvery's here! We will be a new set of friends that understand where you are coming from and what your pain feels like. I know every time I take a shower I need to take a nap. Your life is not over. There are many stages learning to deal with this disease. We all take it one day at a time but we are here for you all the time. You are still the same person, don't despise yourself, despise the disease. WE ARE HERE!
  5. brokenblonde

    brokenblonde New Member

    Thank you so much for all your kind words. They really do mean so much to me. I feel so lonely all the time, like noone understands. I really do appreciate having people to talk to that understand where I'm coming from with what I say.

    I would also just like to send my best wishes to you all and I really do hope things improve for you soon, so you can get back to living your lives without having to fight the constant battles that the illness puts you through!

    Take care
    Jen
    -x-
  6. MsE

    MsE New Member

    A warm hug to you, and much understanding. I have a niece who is in your position. She, too, is nineteen and is fighting CFS. She also has narcolepsy and, probably, epilepsy.

    This hit her half way through her first year at university. She is still attending classes part-time, but had to transfer home and move in with her mom, who is sick with MS. What a situation!

    My niece is a brillilant young woman, but the seizures and exhaustion she is dealing with on a daily basis are more than she can handle. I worry about her.

    Therefore, you have my complete sympathy; I really really really do understand how hard it is to battle this syndrome, especially when you are young.
  7. cjcookie

    cjcookie New Member

    explain to them that you need a little more support from them. If your friends are around your age, they probably are kind of busy having fun and need you to tell them what you need from them. The good ones will understand. Since we don't "look" sick, sometimes they need to be reminded.

    I used to wonder why God kept sending me these friends that had illnesses and now I have figured that one out. I think he was building up my reserves for the day when I needed friends to be understanding.

    You are a beautiful young girl! I hope things get better for you soon.
  8. clerty

    clerty New Member

    I know what you are going through I was in tears last night bawling my heart out to my husband I know I am deppressd but I cant take tablets I had to take onel ast night as felt myself having panic attack as a result I have been really unwell all morning!!!
    hang in there hun!!!
    clertyx
  9. brokenblonde

    brokenblonde New Member

    I wish it was that simple. The only thing I want from my friends is them to acknowledge that I exist. I can't really go up to them and say please text me at some point cause I feel so alone. I have said to them all in the past keep in touch...they said they would and then never bother. It's always me making the effort, which I don't always have the energy to do. And even when I do make the effort the conversation's over before it began. Noones interested in me anymore, cause they couldn't care less! I just find it very hard to accept and it REALLY gets me down because I considered these people my friends. People I could turn to and who could turn to me. Turns out I was just very naive and stupid to think that people thought of me as a friend rather than just someone who was there!
  10. 139864

    139864 New Member

    I'd like to be the first to wish you "EVERY GOOD WISH " for your 20th birthday which is coming in time :):)

    YES!!! I do think that life sucks for you ..at this moment in time . I do understand how devastated you feel right now But it won't always be like that ..you have to believe that .
    Our scientists are doing amazing things with stem cells so who knows ??? It may not be too long before you get your life back again
    I'm sure if your friends knew how much you would enjoy hearing from them ..they would rally around .So how about you making the first move and invite them around for your birthday :0)
    I live in L,pool & my daughter works in Chester
    Take Good Care OF Yourself
    hugs
    Brenda


    [This Message was Edited on 03/22/2007]
  11. sharon5650

    sharon5650 New Member

    I would like to tell you I understand exactly where you are coming from, I too was there. However, I also want to give you some hope as well. I would like to tell you at one time I was in bed for 2 yrs, having nurses come in and out of my home helping me bath !! I could not wash even wash my hair without help, it was pathetic. The funny thing is, I am a nursing assistant and that is what I do for a living, (helping others) I became so so depressed and often thought of suicide !! it was just such a horrible part of my life. It was even an effort to go to the washroom. I used to vomit from the nauseau, and suffer from terrible headaches. Also I understand what you mean about your friends, my friends and family always had some kind of remark, and it hurt me OH so much more ...
    Nevertheless ...I did improve overtime...Yes I promise you I did, it took awhile before my doctors kept trying different medications, until they got it right!! or I must say until I told them I felt better. If you have faith, and believe you can fight this disease, instead of it fighting you, it will work. Unfortunatley because it is an invisable disease, people think we are ok because we look good, only if we felt as well as we look sometimes eh? Funny but some days we can feel good and think we just might have beat the dam thing, then low and behold ...the MONSTER is right back to remind us we haven't.... have hope because its there, I promise you..
    sharon5650 what eventualy did help me was (alertec) I am in Canada and I take 400mg a day along with other meds and vitamins and watch my stress level along with diet...
  12. monicaz49

    monicaz49 New Member

    You sound like me.
    Im 32 been really sick for 2 years also....sometimes i walk poooorly. I also have bad anxiety among many many other symptoms.

    Have you been tested for LYme????
  13. brokenblonde

    brokenblonde New Member

    No I haven't. The only tests I've had are anaemia, thyroid, diabetes and waiting for results on celiac. (Doctor's keep testing me for stuff and saying it's highly likely it's just chronic fatigue...but won't refer me to a specialist to be properly diagnosed)!

    What's lyme? and how do they test for it?

    Jen
    -x-
  14. crisleem

    crisleem New Member

    I so understand what you are going through. I'm on just about year number 8. I'm 38 with a 5 and 8 year old.
    Just remind yourself that we have good and bad days.
    Currently I am where you are. Just a silly infection has taken me away from so much lately.
    I feel like a bully just threw a brick in my path and I forgot to put my hands out to break my fall.
    Not to mention my very sweet and supportive husband is out of town....so even though I have little energy to do it, everything is up to me right now. So, my kids haven't bathed in a couple days...they will survive. And we've had sandwiches for about 4 days....we will survive. I couldn't hold my 5 year old when she trip and buster her nose today....she will forgive me.
    Some days will feels as though you just can not give it one more minute...but you can. All we have left is our spirit and we can not let it kill that too!
    Find something beautiful in your life you can focus on. In Dec I was in the hospital for 3 days, for what was supposed to be outpatient surgery. Yet another infection. I was hurting so bad, I actually asked God to let me die. But as I was saying (outloud even) I thought of my babies, my awesome husband and my parents that would be crushed beyond belief if I were gone.
    Do everything in your power to find SOMETHING good to put in the place of the misery! It very well may save you mentally.
    God bless you!
  15. Shalala

    Shalala New Member

    I feel for ya hun. You are so young to be saddled with a chronic disease :-( I am in my 50s and it is rough.

    (((((( hugs )))))))
  16. BobinGermany

    BobinGermany New Member

    I just wanted to say that I know how you feel and I hope you do feel better soon. I am older than you but I still feel the same way. Please keep posting and reading here as you will find many wonderful people that can encourage you and offer suggestions to help you cope during the bad times.

    If you would like to meet in chat sometimes make a post with my name on it and we can see if we can get together with some others in the chat room.

    God Bless,
    Bob
  17. Diva55

    Diva55 New Member

    Hi Brokenblonde
    I'm so sorry to hear that you have all this so young.
    I notice you live in Chester - I live about 30 minutes away from you!

    This board is great for advice - it can be very daunting to trawl thro it to start with. I cut & paste so many postings. My poor doctor was initially bombarded with stuff I'd followed up on.

    Remember this is an umbrella syndrome - people with similar symptoms but not always the same as yours. So what works for some may not work for others.

    It's a slow process to go through & try new supplements or new meds and see if they help but that's what you have to do.

    Friends- hah! I had a ton of friends & was very sociable and as soon as they knew I was ill and then unemployed they ALL dissappeared. I used to make the effort to phone and mail and then slowly realised they didn't want to know - an ill person with no money didn't fit into their circle.
    I was very hurt & in some ways still am but you have to let it go and concentrate on YOU.

    Best wishes

  18. richvank

    richvank New Member

    Hi, Brokenblonde.

    I'm sorry to hear about your situation, and that of everyone else who has posted in this thread. I want to see you all kick this thing. Some of the PWCs on this board are trying a new treatment approach that I have suggested. They are reporting their progress in the thread called "Methylation Cycle Block Protocol Experiences/Progress..." I recommend that you take a look at it. I'm a retired scientist who has been working on CFS for the past 10 years. I'm not a crackpot, not exaggerating, and not selling anything. I think this new approach shows a lot of promise. Check it out.

    Rich Van Konynenburg
  19. deliarose

    deliarose New Member

    Recovery is better.

    I want to second Rich Van Konyenburg. I am making huge progress using the protocol he outlined .. which is really just supplementing with an active form of folate and a lot of B12.

    (having said that .. pls take the supplements he recommends .. because I tried similar ones haphazardly before coming across his work.. and i didn't see the improvement I have on his protocol)

    Anyway, cut a long story short, I'm a long-time CFIDs sufferer, finally recovering. I started with transfer factor, which helped enormously.

    But with Rich's protocol, I feel like I'm sprinting to the finish line. It could be a long sprint tho.. but whatever, it's worth it.

    If you're interested, pls check out my other posts. It's all there, and quite a few people seem to be trying this approach too.

    I hope this doesn't sound like I'm selling anything. I'm not. YOu can see I'm a long-time board member (trying to cut down on teh time I spend here now.. as I am recovering.. and we are in the middle of a rehab project, and hubby is less inclined to cut me any slack now...

    It's just when u find something that works, you want to share it.

    If you do nothing else, at least follow the postings of those who are trying this approach...

    If you have CFS, you have to help yourselves, esp. if you are in England, as the doctors there seem fairly clueless.
    (I used to live there).

    Cheers
    Delia
  20. lynnintn

    lynnintn New Member

    Hun,
    You are so very young. I am so very sorry you are facing this disease at such a young age. You will find support here. I too have no friends left because I became sick with other problems on top of FMS and have been unable to sustain any friendships. I don't know if you could find a local support group for FMS/CFS patients, but it might be one way to meet some people and keep you from feeling so isolated.

    My prayers are with and I am sending you hugs too!
    ((((Lynn))))