Why can't I accept this?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by krchamp, Nov 29, 2006.

  1. krchamp

    krchamp New Member

    I haven't learned or maybe the right way to put it is I don't want to recognize my limits. My cousin died a month ago and I have been going full steam ever since. He was more of a brother than cousin. We were raised together and even lived next together as adults. I crashed today...well...actually I crashed a long time ago and kept going.

    I still can't fully accept my limitations. My hubby helped me get out of bed this morning. While he was doing it, he was fussing at me for not taking care of myself. He says that I take care of other people better than myself.

    My cousin's fiancee is one of my best friends. I have been caring for her and helping her do everyday chores (I can't even do my own)because she is just devastated. She is dx with fibro too but not CFS like me. I don't know why I keep doing this to myself. My hubby is right I do care for others more than myself. I put others needs before mine and I end up exhausted, over stimulated, and in tremendous pain. She has never asked me for help because she knows that my health is much much worse than hers, but there I am doing what I know I shouldn't be doing.

    So, I am home from work today. I am resting but it is taking everything I have to sit here and rest even though I am in tremendous pain and absolutely exhausted.

    It is just hard for me to accept even though I have fought this for years - I am 34 and remember being this way as far back as I can possibly recall.

    Sorry for the long post. I used to post here a long time ago but I have also neglected that. Seems like any part of my life that I don't like I try to ignore and end up in a big mess. What should I do?

    Kristi
  2. Andrew111

    Andrew111 Member

    For one thing, it is boring to do nothing. And if one of the things you liked best was helping others, it is only natural that you would be inclined to keep doing this.

    Big problem, though. It is not so simple as pushing too hard, then resting, then pushing again. I have CFS and I pushed the envelop once too often. Now I am paying the price and with no relief in sight. My level dropped tremendously, and even resting more than ever has not allowed me to get back the less bad level I was at for a long time. I also fear I'm continuing to slip.

    Taking better care of yourself actually makes it easier for those around you. It helps them help you. It also gives you a better chance of improving, which will allow you to help others more without crashing.
  3. ckzim

    ckzim New Member

    I can totally relate to what you are saying, I am the same way, always have been. I call it "pushing through" the pain.

    Alot of it came from when I was a gymnist,long time ago, that mindset, of just push through the pain, has stayed.

    Here's what I did...cause I knew to tell me to just stop doing and giving so much, wasn't going to happen.

    Instead of doing till you drop, take a rest in between what your doing.
    Not a long one, maybe 5-10 min, sit down, clear the mind, and rest. Continue to do this, through out what your doing that day... At the end of the day, the pain, isn't as bad.

    Not that the pain won't still be there, but you will not be flat on your back.

    As I said, it took me awhile to re train my brain to think this way, but slowly, that's what I do now.

    Of course I still over do it, but not every single time. Making life more bareable. That feeling of being useless, isn't as huge, and I can take some pride, that I did it, without putting my body through so much misery.

    Give it a try, it took time for me to remember I HAVE to do this, I have to sit down, for those few minutes or I will be bedridden.
    I hope this helps.

    Kathy Z

  4. gongee

    gongee New Member

    Hi Kristi
    I can totally related to your post. It was like I was reading about my life.

    I too did for everyone except myself. Since developing the Fibro and CFS, I think I still should be able to continue as nothing is wrong.

    I am now in counseling with a fantastic lady, who is helping me to accept and cope with the way my life is now, but first I had to grieve my loss. That was the hardest thing I think I have ever had to do. I still to this day want to back slide and do as I use too, but I am getting better at it.

    Pacing, as another person mentioned, is a very good practice.I know if I go over 20 minutes without resting, I will pay the price. If there are really bad days, I just kick back and take it easy, saying to myself that tomorrow will be better. It is hard to have a positive attitude when you are down, but I have found that it helps me get back up on my feet more quickly.

    I admire you for still being able to work. When I had to leave work and go on diability, I thought I would never be able to accept it. A friend from physicial therapy told me to give it a year and I would get into a different kind of rountine. That was true but deep down inside I still grieve over it.

    Take care of yourself. You are the person that is important at this moment. If you can't take care of yourself, you can't help anyone else. I know this well, as my 86 year old mom lives with us and most of the time she does better than myself.

    Sorry this was so long.

    Good Luck to you,

    Sheila
  5. krchamp

    krchamp New Member

    It is so hard for me to accept something that I don't even understand. Why do we have this? What did we do that we suffer so much? After thinking about it, I guess that is my problem. If there was some reason, them maybe this would make more sense. I feel so alone. I do have a very supportive family...well...except for my dad.

    That is another story all together. I swear I think he also has FMS. When I mention this to him, he swears I crazy. Just the thought that he would have it, sets him on a denial mode. He is one that "pushes through" and when I can't he says something like, "you have to keep going." Luckily, my hubby us not like that, but I love my dad and I feel like I never live up to his expectations...I am 34 why does this bother me so much?

    I do have good news though. During this last few months with everything going on my furbabies were dx with Eurolichia (sp?)It is a tick disease. They were very sick, but I just found out that the treatment the vet used was successful. I am so thankful for that because I just don't think I could take it if anything else happened. They are so small 3lbs a piece so the fact that they are doing better is a relief
  6. Cindyvr

    Cindyvr New Member

    Oh My!! When I read your post it was like looking in a mirror!! My Mom passed away Aug. 9th... My Dad is 82 years old so I have been trying so hard to be every place he needs me.
    Its so hard on me. I miss my Mom so much!! I go to their house and its like she should be right there!! They have a three story house..You know the kind where theres the den and then you go upstairs to the kitchen,dining room and Livingroom and then upstairs to the bathroom and three bedrooms.
    I spend the day there and the stairs kill me! I try so hard to rest but there is allways so much that needs done there.
    It is so frustrating!!
    I am so sorry for your loss. I know exactly what you are going through!!
    Cindy
  7. shar6710

    shar6710 New Member

    This isn't an answer to your question but have you been checked for tick borne diseases?
  8. krchamp

    krchamp New Member

    I have been tested for everything it seems. I feel like a pin cushion. Thanks for the suggestion :eek:)

    I get so frustrated at myself because I never learn. I know better but I keep ongoing.
  9. krchamp

    krchamp New Member

    Cindy- I am so sorry for your loss. It is so hard to manage this (these) terrible illnesses when there is a death. It seems that balance and priorities go out the window when there is a death.

    You are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Kristi