Why can't I accept what God has ordained for my life?

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by advancewithcourage, Nov 9, 2003.

  1. advancewithcourage

    advancewithcourage New Member

    Anyone out there come to a place of total acceptance of their illness? I do so long to find a place of peace regarding the place this illness (CFS) has in my life and God's plan for my future. I get so angry when I think of living this way for the rest of my life.

    I am not resigned to do nothing. I am going to get testing for viral and mycoplasmas. I am currently treating intestinal candidiasis. I am trying to change my diet.

    But realistically, I know that if God does not want me better, nothing I do can change that.

    I have had CFS for one year and I still cry regularily about all that I have lost and who I used to be (woman with energy).

    I have learned so much from this illness that has made me know God better, but I still struggle with coming to a place of acceptance.

    So many Christians have suffered so much for their faith and it bothers me that I do not accept my suffering with faith and trust God with my life - even if it involves illness. I am feeling kind of rebellious sometimes and this puts a wall (in my mind) between me and God.

    Anyone else relate?
  2. Sunshyne1027

    Sunshyne1027 New Member

    Thinking of the pain and illness, to be used to glorify God keeps me going and accepting it all. If this is the way he wants it, then so be it, I accept it as Gods will. In the grand scheme of things, there is a purpose to it all.

    I used to be angry about the diagnosis. Yes it is harder to do things with the pain and fatigue. So I do what I can. I still look for ways to feel better. I still look for ways to heal the physical body. At this time though, I am healing my heart.

    I am a believer of healing. But also a believer that sometimes you do not get healing. Don't matter how hard you pray, how hard you ask for fogiveness, how hard and how long you cry, sometimes it is Gods will, and so be it. Why scream and cry over it? More stress, more feeling bad.

    I look back at the "before the illness". I see how much I have grown and learned from it. Sure, cannot do much like I used to. I got more time now though to stop and enjoy life. When before the illness, I sped right along, not enjoying, learning, growing at all.

    There are still times when my faith is low. Still times when I wish that I was not so sick, could hold a job down, could do this and that with my sons more so. Still cry over it.

    Rebelling, brings to mind the opposite.. Obedience.

    In Love and Peace, Sunshyne










  3. sheried

    sheried New Member

    Therefore, I guess he expects us to sometimes act like children. We all rebel about different things, but we know that He is there for us and has a plan for our lives.

    You do the best you can in working through this with Him and know that He is ALWAYS at your side. And, the most wonderful thing is, He will never leave you.

    I have been where you are more than once. Just keep in mind that for everyone of us that has a rebelious child, we still love that child and would do anything for them...same thing!

    In His Love, Sherie
  4. kim840

    kim840 New Member

    to have this to deal with.

    I am 54 and was 49 when I was diagnosed. My children are raised and gone and it's just my hubby and myself. You are in a very different situation, a much more difficult one to have to cope with CFS.

    I read your profile and my heart really aches for you. So much to do with those precious little ones and so little energy to do it. And another on the way to boot.

    I do not blame you one bit for how you feel. And remember, that our walks with the Lord are a work in progress. They always will be.

    Throughout our lives there are times when we just hold on. That's all, just hold on. We feel adrift and feel as though it is coming between us and our sweet Lord. He's there with you through the rebellion and the heartache. He's keeping you safe, He's watching over you. Knowing what it will produce in you as He molds you into the woman of God He created you to be.

    Kay Arthur reminded me once that feelings are not truth. We must rely upon the truth when our feelings dare to carry us away. What do you know to be true about your Lord sweetie? I guess my suggestion in all this would be to dwell on His promises and your past experiences. Dwell on His faithfulness and His love for you and your precious family. Grab onto the truths and the many blessings throughout your life and hopefully the hard feelings will slowly melt away.

    Do not feel alone. Each and every one of us, I am sure, has gone through this in dealing with our dd's. It takes time. I know the first year was the hardest for me.

    As far as healing, God is able to heal all of us. Whether it fits into His plan for my life or not, only He knows. But rest assured, whether healed in this lifetime or not, He is making us whole in the most important way!

    Love in Christ and gentle hugs,

    Marcia
  5. Sandyz

    Sandyz New Member

    Praying that you can find peace with having this illness. Its hard not to get discouraged as this is so difficult to live with. But everyone has a cross to bear in this life and this is ours.

    I don`t think God gave me this illness. I think I picked this hardship myself before I came to this earth because of how much I would grow from it. That is what I believe and what has given me the most peace. I`m not angry at God because of that. I try to look at it more like, how can I grow from this, what can I got out of it?

    I don`t believe God interfers because it is something we need to go through for our own growth as difficult as that can be.

    Blessings,
    Sandyz

  6. Sunshyne1027

    Sunshyne1027 New Member

    I really liked your explanation of how you chose it, and how you can grow from the illness. Thanks for sharing that!

    Sunshyne