WHY DO WE HAVE TO JUSTIFY OURSELVES?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by CarolK, Aug 26, 2003.

  1. CarolK

    CarolK New Member

    I WAS ANGRY AFTER READING LADYBUG2'S POST!! Dealing with so called loved one's, friends and family... I hurt for LADYBUG2.. (post dated 8-23-03). I wrote a response to her about not having to justify ourselves to everyone after we've made so many attempts to explain our pain and disease. If they are truely trying to understand.... well God bless em!! But if they constantly challenge us as to why we don't do things... especially what they want us to do....why do we owe them answers! I can never measure up to others expectations of me!! Of course I will try to help the sincere ones but, I can only be the best me I can!!

    I know the people who love me.... I understand their frustration with what I am going through... but as to the skeptics.... I don't owe them anymore answers! When I've tried and tried to clarify my situation and they still give me a hard time... well I just love them, be nice to them.. but I keep silent now when they want me to justify why I can't do certain things!! I'm not talking about bosses and work situations.... although some people at work need to be told to back off! I'm also not talking about having a snotty or superior attitude either.

    Why are we so afraid of being rejected?? If they do not understand... well the problem lies with them!! I have found the word "NO"... to be such a lovely word!! And if those sceptics do not like it... OH WELL!! YES I WANT TO BE LOVED... YES I WANT TO BE ACCEPTED BY FRIENDS AND FAMILY.... YES I WANT TO BE GIVING.... YES I WANT TO HELP AND DO AND BE ALL THOSE THINGS.... BUT I HAVE A DISEASE THAT IS CHANGING MY LIFE!! I am not going to spend the rest of my life and energy to try and expain myself to people who challenge me!! When family members do not understand.... after I have tried my best to help them... then I just stop wasting my time. They either love me and accept me as I am... as I try to do with them... or they don't!

    I AM TIRED OF BUYING REJECTION INSURANCE!! If they reject me because they do not want to try to understand... well who is to blame?? I try to be sweet and kind.. but when I read some of the responses to LADYBUG2"s post, and saw how aweful some of us are treated... it just made me so angry! What is the matter with people... if we were in wheelchairs or lying flat on our backs all the time... would they treat us this way... I think not! But because the symptoms come and go... well then it's all in our heads! NO, THE PROBLEM IS IN THEIR HEADS!! And I'm not going to pamper them, cowtow to them, or try and smooth their ruffled feather anymore..... I DON'T HAVE TO JUSTIFY MYSELF TO OTHERS WHO REFUSE TO UNDERSTAND... AND I AM FINDING SUCH FREEDOM IN THAT... SO MUCH LESS STRESS!! AS I SAID TO LADYBUG2... I WAS NOT PUT ON THIS EARTH TO MAKE OTHERS UNDERSTAND THIS DISEASE.. OR LIVE UP TO THEIR EXPECTATIONS OF WHAT THEY THINK... I JUST WANT TO BLOOM AND GROW AND DO AND LOVE AND BE FREE TO BE THE BEST ME I CAN POSSIBLY BE!!!!!!!!! Thanks for letting me vent!

    FREE AT LAST.... CAROLK
  2. granmakitty12

    granmakitty12 New Member

    You have really made a good point and have a positive attitude when it comes to dealing with people.
    Congratulations on your strength and fortitude.

    Peace, Granmakitty
  3. jadibeler

    jadibeler New Member

    Because we can't stand for people to think we are just lazy! Story of my life.

    JoAnn
  4. libra55

    libra55 New Member

    deep down inside I guess I feel guilty for not keeping the house as clean as it should be, for not working 40 hours a week, for not doing fun things with my kids, for not exercising the way I used to, etc. etc. etc. And I too have people who tell me I'm just "depressed, lazy, need to snap out of it". So I think we all put up our shields as a defense mechanism and think we have to justify our illness to the rest of the world.

    This is an invisible disability. Ya can't really see it, so people don't think it exists. I wish for one day they would have to go through some of the pain and fatigue, the bowel symptoms, the vertigo; they would sing a different tune then!

    Hats off to those wonderful people who do accept FM and CFS as legitimate disabling conditions.

    Michelle
  5. TrustGod2003

    TrustGod2003 New Member

    Thank you Carol. I am glad that you got to vent. Everything that you said is basically what I feel that I am going through. I have a supportive family but on the other hand, they are tired of this illness, which I don't blame them and I feel pressure to hurry up and get better not only for me but for them. I really would love to feel better with nutrition and will continue to give that a try as well as trying to eat better and excercise when I can,etc. Anyway, A BIG THANKS TO YOU FOR YOUR LETTER....T
  6. todayisagift

    todayisagift New Member

    oh wow don't even get me started in here, I could tell you things about family, friends, doctors, general people that sent my blood pressure through the roof. How people can be so inconsiderate is beyond me. All I know is if I was in there place I would be the complete opposite and actually be trying to help them. It makes me mad that I seem to be the only one. Doctor's unless they specialize in FM don't even wanna hear two words about the disease or what will help to cure it. My rheumy wants me off Paxil cause it is now making me an insomnia and my psychiatrist I used to see was saying to him it isn't causing it it's something else basically arguing in front of me. I didn't want to see him but my nurse was on vacation and they want me off it. So I saw him out of courtesy. That was my last time let me tell you. He gave me the lexapro to switch and I will do it till she gets back and that's it!!! grrrr hehe
    -Megan
  7. LADYBUG2

    LADYBUG2 New Member

    I LIKE OTHERS HERE,,, HAVE HAD SOOOOO MANY DOCTORS, "BLOW ME OFF"..A RHUMY DOCTOR...WAS THE ABSOLUTE WORST ONE,,,,

    HE ASKED ME, HOW DID I "KNOW FOR SURE" THAT I HAD RESTLESS LEGS SYNDROME? I TOLD HIM THAT MY GENERAL PRACTIONER, HAD
    DIGNOISED ME WITH IT,,DUE TO THE WAY I DESCRIBED MY FEELINGS & MY MOTHERS SAME SYMPTOMS ( SHE IS DECEASED )
    AND MY GP OF 12 YEARS HAD PUT ME ON SINIMET,ADJUSTING THE DOSAGE UNTIL, THE RLS WAS SOMEWHAT (ALOT BETTER).

    THIS RHUMY, TOLD ME, THAT THERE WAS "NO WAY" TO TELL FOR SURE, IF I HAD RLS UNTIL I HAD A SLEEP STUDY, AND TO DO THAT I WOULD "HAVE TO DISCONTINE "ALL" OF MY MEDICATIONS...

    THATS, A JOKE,,SOME OF MY MEDICATIONS ARE NOT TO BE STOPED ABRUBTLY............

    BEISDE, THE LONG LIST OF PROBLEMS THAT I HAVE AND GAVE TO HIM TO LOOK AT, SEVERE MIGRAINES FOR OVER 15 YEARS, "MOTHER & GRANDMOTHER ALSO HAD THEM", IBS,FIBROMYALGIA,CHEMICAL SINSITIVITY, DIVERTICULOSIS,,WHICH GOES INTO DIVERTICULITUS WHICH IS A HIGH FEVER, AND A MUST FOR ANTIBIOTICS, AND TO HAVE A COLONOSCOSPY EVERY 3 YEARS; MAJOR FATIGUE; HERPIES;
    NEUROLOGICAL PAIN PROBLEMS; & RESTLESS LEGS & ARMS ....

    I DID NOT HAVE THE SLEEP STUDY & WON'T HAVE IT, AS TO ME, ITS JUST ANOTHER ADDED EXPENSE,,,THAT WILL MOST LIKELY, NOT TELL ME MUCH MORE THAN I ALREADY KNOW. I ALSO JOINED, THE
    RESTLESS LEGS FOUNDATION,& RECIEVE THEIR QUARTLY PAMPLET, AND CHECK THEIR WEB SITE, CONTINUELY FOR UPDATES. AND I MUST SAY,,, SINEMET IS ONE OF THEIR DRUGS OF CHOICE FOR RLS,IF IT HELPS,WHICH IT HAS.

    I ALSO HAD A LOCAL RN, MENTION TO ME THAT THE "LOCAL RHUMY" THAT I WENT TO SEE, WAS ONE OF THE WORST ONES,THIS AREA HAS,& NOT TO MENTION THE ONLY ONE IN THIS AREA, FOR 75 MILES. THIS RN NURSE, HAD TAKEN HER HUSBAND TO THIS RHUMY, AND SAID SHE WOULD NOT TAKE HER PETS TO HIM !!!!

    I HAD ASKED MY 34 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER TO GO WITH ME, TO THIS APPOINTMENT, AND SHE FELT & FEELS,THAT THIS RHUMY'S IDEAS WERE A GOOD VALID IDEA,& SHE STILL DOES TO THIS DAY.
    ANOTHER CLASH OF OPIONS.


    BUT, I AM SOOOOOOOO,,, TIRED OF RUNNING TO DIFFERANT DOCTORS, WITH NO RESULTS. THE MRI's , BLOOD WORK,BONE SCANS, ECT, ARE VERY VALUEBLE TOOLS.

    I JUST GO TO MY WONDERFULL GP, WHO NOW HAS MOVED 225 MILES AWAY,,BUT I MAKE THE TRIP TO SEE HIM EVERY
    4 MONTHS ANYWAY. " HE IS ALSO A DO. AND ALSO TEACHES AT A VERY WELL KNOWN, UNIVERSITY OF OSTOPATH,,AND ALWAYS HAS A STUDENT WITH HIM DURING HIS DAILY ROUTINE OF SEEING HIS PATIENTS.

    carolk,,,,I DID READ YOUR REPLY TO ME THE OTHER DAY, AND I AM VERY GREATFULL TO YOU, AS WELL AS ALL OF THE OTHER MEMBERS WHO REPLYED. I HAVE PRIENTED ALL OF THE REPLYS, WHICH WILL GO INTO MY FOLDER.

    IT IS JUST SOMETHING I FEEL I NEED TO DO,,,ONE LAST TIME.

    TAKE CARE, LADYBUG2


    [This Message was Edited on 08/26/2003]
  8. CarolK

    CarolK New Member

    THANKS TO ONE AND ALL FOR YOUR ENCOURAGEMENT... SOMETIMES IT FEELS LIKE WE ARE SO ALONE IN THIS... BUT I KNOW THE TRUTH IS THAT WE ARE NEVER ALONE! STAND STRONG AND REALIZE THAT WE ARE NOT SECOND CLASS CITIZENS!! THROW OFF YOUR GUILT AND SELF CONDEMNATION!! NONE OF US ASKED FOR THIS DISEASE... AND I'M BELIEVING GOD FOR THE DAY WHEN I WILL BE HEALED AND WALK FREE FROM IT.... TILL THEN I'M TRUSTING HIM TO STRENGTHEN ME WITH HIS MIGHT TO STAND UP TO THE WORLD AND LIVE FREE AND CONFIDENT IN HIS LOVE FOR ME... AND BECAUSE OF HIM I DON'T HAVE TO JUSTIFY MYSELF!!

    BLESSINGS TO YOU ALL.... CAROL
  9. CarolK

    CarolK New Member

  10. wildzootv

    wildzootv New Member

    I hardly ever have anyone over at my house because I just don't have the energy or strength to clean. I focus on my child......and that's pretty much it. I would love to have a clean house and a good looking yard, but I just can't do it.

    So when I was rushed off to the hospital I had to have friends come over to take care of my son (we are military - DH is deployed, we are far away from family) I was so embarrassed because of my house. So when I got out, I started explaining....my closest friends understood but othes I could see the look in their eyes. I mean come on, I may look healthy but I'm not lazy or making this stuff up. Then....it came....the email where one was saying "you know you really should consider hiring a maid". Oh hello!!! If I could afford one, don't you think I would of by now?!!! UGH.