Why does every argument seem like the end????

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by poeticbobbi, May 8, 2007.

  1. poeticbobbi

    poeticbobbi New Member

    I was just checking myself here lately.My BF and I have been together on and off for 3 years.I was blaming so much of it on him but I am quite guilty too.For starters I got trust issues.I've been lied to and abandon much of my life especially during childhood.I probably need a shrink.
    Anyway,whenever we argue it feels like whatever the problem is I can't see it as fixable.I always cut right to,well we aren't getting along so why bother.The other day my BF asked me why I always want to give up so easy.I think it is just my safety mechanism,"better dump him before he dumps me".
    Ooooo boy am I a nut case sometime.Anyone else know about this????
    Im working on it now and ya know things ain't too bad.
  2. budmickl

    budmickl New Member

    If you find the answer to why we do this, please share it with me!

    Growing up, I never saw my parents have an argument. I only saw the silent treatment. We never visited my mom's side of the family because she was always mad at them.

    I figured out about 10 yrs ago, I had the same problem as you. I wouldn't try to resolve a problem, I would end the problem. I would quit a job, I would stop being friends, I would divorce my husband. I never learned how to argue, compromise or resolve an issue. All I knew was to pout or leave.

    I always thought I was just immature and selfish. I feel it was really because I didn't have any roll models on how to grow.

    Fight or Flight, quite a concept, eh?

  3. Fmandy

    Fmandy New Member

    Please laugh at this but it must be a female thing cause my wife is the same way, ha ha ha......

    Uh ooo.....(will crawl back into my hole)
  4. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    nailed it. If you want to read about catastrophising and similar problems, see David Burns "Feeling Good". He also has a workbook.

    Remember: feelings are not facts.

  5. victoria

    victoria New Member

    While I don't see what hangininthere wrote on this post?

    -- but I think you nailed it, in fact I think I will make a BIG decorative sign for above my fireplace:


    ain't that the truth!


  6. doxygirl

    doxygirl New Member

    When I was first married I remember going to work one day.......this was after we had a very big fight.....I was pretty much useless at work..........crying and unconsoloable.....one of the sweet ladies I worked with followed me to the bathroom and told me to open the door........she pulled me out, sat me down, and said "look I know this seems bad to you, and maybe it is, but you will work things out............this is not the first fight and it will not be the last"!

    She went on to say " you always feel like it is the end" but it is NOT I assure you"!

    I have never forgotten this sweet lady and her words of knowledge.......in ending this post I have to add one of the most important points....

    Iam STILL married to the same man 22 years later!!!!!!!!!

    Try to remember this and let it save you years of grief!

  7. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Hangininthere's post is gone. She was identifying "catastrophizing". Cognitive thereapy teaches us to identify the flawed thinking and replace it w/ something more realistic.

    Ok, so I made a mistake. It's not that big a deal. It can be fixed. Rather than: Now, I've done it. The boss will blow up when he sees this. I'm going to be fired. George will leave me, etc. etc.