why lord

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by PA, Sep 12, 2004.

  1. PA

    PA New Member

    i,m going try this is the first time ive tried to post anywhere been reading for a long time here goes

    im looking for answers to why the lord is finished with me as a servant. i was in full time ministry for allmost ten years then mental illness came over me and one thing lead to another on july 1, 2004 my preaching liscecse was revoked.

    i havent been able to return to church or even pray i havent read my bible or anything i feel like i was desserted by the lord. i feel dirty, shameful, like a faliure and want to end my life but not go to hell. my hubby and therpist have been so good to me but i cant move away from these feelings.

    why me what did i do my childhood was awful why now my peaceful adult life?

    I did nothing wrong i was abused in many ways as a child from age 2 - 18 when i married and left home.

    former pastor servant of the lord
    [This Message was Edited on 09/12/2004]
  2. jill5050

    jill5050 New Member

    I stand in agreement with Dixie in prayer for you. I will keep you in prayer. I just pray that you gather your stength from the Lord and let him lighten your load.

  3. MusicTeacher

    MusicTeacher New Member

    Hi Pa

    Music Teacher from the UK here and a minister myself. Let me reassure you that you are not forgotten - God still loves you, wants you to know his love beyond anything else. Right now you are going through a really bad time and when that sort of thing happens to us, we can find it SO hard to locate the God we thought we knew.

    Have you ever read the poem "Footprints" - check it out on the web if not. Hang into the love those around have for you and see God in that love. Try to say a little prayer each day if you can but if you can't, don't worry because we're mobilising to help you right across the world!

    I shall join with my prayer friends and lift you to God that he will come and bless you and begin to allow you to turn your life around. I am praying his love and peace into you. If you can, try and ask him to meet you - but I'm asking him to do so even if you cannot.

    Nothing in your life cannot be forgiven - we have all done some pretty dumb things at times and then think God holds them against us. Well he doesn't - if we seek his forgiveness once, it is returned more times over than we can imagine.

    Hang in Pa - the Lord is great and triumphs over all things and I claim his mighty protection for you now in the blood and love of Christ.

    God Bless
    Music Teacher (UK)
  4. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    I would recommend you read the Book of Job in the Old Testment.

    Many Christians have been in your situation, when we feel like the Lord has turned His back on us, but in all reality we are simply being tried , and no doubt you will be found without fault.

    You are in the desert, no matter how often you feel your payers are not going any further than the ceiling, God hears all His children, even when we think He has turned a deaf ear to us.

    God never draws away from us, its us that draw away from Him.

    Will be praying for a breakthrough for you, that your faith be returned a 100 fold.

    God bless, and keep the faith.

    Shalom, Shirl

  5. tandy

    tandy New Member

    Please see my post reply to you on your 2nd post.

  6. kathyrere

    kathyrere New Member

    I pray in agreement with the others in Jesus name.
    God may preparing you for a different Journey in his name.
    and this maybe the way to make you ready. Sometimes we have to experience things to understand what we need too.

    I don't know God's reason But I know he loves you and would never leave you. just Let yourself stay open for God's work. He is never too late always on time. you know these things already

    God had to let me go through hard times to learn to recieve help from others instead always helping.

    Just don"t give up God will show you the right path.

    I'm not real good with words but I know God loves you and things will be ok.

    will keep praying for you
    in prayer,

  7. gailette

    gailette New Member

    I beleive God will open door soon,if not already.Right You need to work on your health. I been there and still take depression pills for 17 years.
    reminber in the bible it say,if we are abble to pray jessus will take our needs to him.When i was bad sick. I start each thinking about a blessing (Mostly little to me.)I thank God for it, Asked for his forgiven in unknow sin,Try to reminber other. It hard.Are If your head is so mixed and you cann't think tell jessus to help you in your need.He go to God for us all the time.
    A day at time.You will see doors.
  8. kimkane

    kimkane New Member

    hello, my name is kim. i don't go to church on a regular basis....but i sure do belive in god, my father, and jesus, my brother.

    i have had some very terrible things happen to me also. i thought,"why am i here?" it felt like evil was all around me. you know what i did? i got my grandmothers favorite book, her bible. i hugged it all nite and just talked to our lord.

    i poured my heart out to him, i did this for hours. all my feelings came rushing out. i was so different after that.
    that night i put my life in gods hands. i knew then and there that there was a god, and he does love me.

    he loves you too. you know this. please put and keep your faith in our lord. with out my lord, i would of died that night.

    things that have happened to us in our past--no matter what it was, god will always and forever love you.

    and i love you also.

    your new friend in christ, kim
  9. helpeachother

    helpeachother New Member

    Hi pa, I am very sorry to hear about your life events having distanced you from feeling Him every day. Pray to God with us and tell Him " I can't take it anymore, help me Jesus!"

    He will never give you more than you can handle, but getting to that point is very hard. In order to stay near Him, you must pray with us, even watching a good religious channel on TV is good.

    Go visit people who know who themselves know love and serve The Lord in their everyday lives. You'll get back, but you have to do it all the time (as i'm sure you know). Dixie is right about Satan!
    O Divine Eternal Father, in union with Your Divine Son and the Holy Spirit, and through the Immaculate Heart of Mary, I BEG You to destroy the power of your biggest enemy-the evil spirits of Satan!

    Cast them into the deepest recesses of hell and chain them there forever! Take possession of your kingdom, O Lord, which you have created and is rightfully yours.

    Heavenly Father, bless pa and give us the reign of the Sacred Heart of Jesus and the Immaculate Heary of Mary.

    I repeat this prayer out of pure love for You with every beat of my heart and with every breath I take. Amen. Peace.
    [This Message was Edited on 09/12/2004]
  10. kathyrere

    kathyrere New Member

    never loose hope, there is ALWAYS an answer right around the corner. I pray you come back see all the love for you

    God loves you so very much and has a plan for your life
  11. shelbo

    shelbo New Member

    I just want to say that I agree with the others. When someone like you is doing good work for the Lord, Satan can't stand it. It is a sign that you are indeed a powerful instrument for God! Don't be discouraged. Take heart. God loves you so completely even when we feel he has abandoned you.
    As for your childhood, Satan uses this sort of thing to haunt you and to encourage you to think that God has forgotten you. It is not true. It is a lie, a deception.
    God truly loves you and I will be praying for you that you are able to see this and really sense God's presence in your life. I am praying Satan's temporary hold on your life will soon be overcome and that you will be ministering once more, even more powerfully for God! Remember Satan can only do what God allows him to do and God will never let you be tested beyond what you can endure!
    All things turn outgood for those who love God. I believe you really love God. Keep holding on to that. When it's too painful to pray, sit in silence and just ask the Lord to be present...he hears the cries of your heart, he know how much you love him, he doesn't like to see a precious and devoted servant in pain. Hand everything over to him and trust. I know this is hard but God is our strength in these times of pain and suffering. I will truly be praying for you...for comfort, healing, for God's loving reassurance in your life and that you will once more be preaching the Lord's gospel more fervently and with a personal experience like never before! Love and prayers, Shelbo
  12. MusicTeacher

    MusicTeacher New Member

    Music Teacher (UK)
  13. satwell

    satwell New Member


    I am so sorry you are suffering so much. A lot of us have histories from our childhood we must deal with at some point in our life. But you were not to blame maybe you are just now really dealing with the anger and helplessness you felt then.
    The only thing I know for sure is my faith in God. I truely believe that if he brings you to it he will bring you through it. There is an instance in the Bible where a faithful servant was tested in horrible ways as God new he would not falter. I have been through a long hard crippling disease and in the long run has helped me with my faith as God was the only one I could really talk to and depend on.
    It may be possible that you are not suffering for yourself but through your trials someone else that God wants will be saved.
    Through Jesus we have authority over satan and can command his evil spirts to leave us alone in his name. There is no one a lot of the times that can save us but ourselves with the help of God. There are many prayers being made for you by others but yours is the one God wants to here. He loves you as you are his child and all he wants is for you to ask his help and to pray in faith. He is also suffering for you.
    Until I could let go and give God my problems and illness there was no improvement. And there is nothing I would not do for him. I love him more than myself or anyone else and my life is so good now and I had given up on health and happiness for the rest of this life. But now I have it all.
    God never turns his back on us but sometimes the stress and guilt of the world can make us turn our back on him.
    He knows your strength better than you do and he is patiently waiting. He loves you more than you can even comprehend so maybe just start by telling him how much you love him.

    Praying for you.
  14. bakron

    bakron New Member

    I placed a devotional that addresses your fears in this post. I'm in prayer for you as I write. Please know that you are not alone!

    In Christ,

  15. helpeachother

    helpeachother New Member

    Hello again PA, After i responded above yesterday, I happened to see a TV program that made me think of you and another possibility.

    Perhaps Jesus is pulling away from you to test your committment to Him and make your faith stronger through your suffering. Since you feel a distance from Him, you will pray and yearn more and more for the feeling that He is with you every minute.

    I know how you feel. Hang in there. Trust in God. Peace
  16. Dulcimerkid

    Dulcimerkid New Member

    Please know as many have said before me, you are not forgotten nor forsaken. The Lord is not out to get us.
    I can tell you that this group of prayer warriors are just the place you need to be with us praying for you and ministering to you and loving you. Don't give up.

    Love in Christ,
  17. kathyrere

    kathyrere New Member

  18. s-rose

    s-rose New Member

    The Lord doesn't forsake us. The devil would like nothing more than have you believe that. He is the biggest liar of them all.

    I heard it preached that when we are in the fire He is with us. When we come through the fire we are stronger. I have come to believe in that so much and it is such a help to me whem I am going through hard times.

    As others said read the book of Job.

    I will be praying for you.

    When He closes a door He opens a window somewhere. Maybe He has other plans for you.

    Love and Prayers, Susie Rose