Wife in need of help

Discussion in 'General Health & Wellness' started by mrsrd, Jun 5, 2003.

  1. mrsrd

    mrsrd New Member

    Hi, my name is Michelle, and I live here in California.
    Even though I suffer with my own depression, I am in need of advice for my husband.He was diagnosed with panic/ anxiety disorder,social phobia and agorophobia.( I truly think he is bi-polar, but its not documented.
    He is currently taking celexa, klonopin, neurontin, attavan and elevil. after 20 years this did seem to be the best "cocktail" of meds.
    Lately he is very depressed about family not being the one he should have had. When he was 20 he found out about his real dad, and he then understood why his step father always treated him different then the other 2. Now he's 41, has no contact with mom,his siblings or his new found family besides his biological father,who we live with. His dad loves him but is not very vocal. He is always trying to impress his dad (he does notice what my husband is trying to do, but he tells everyone else what a good job he does but not his son, who is desperate to hear it).
    Im not the kind of person who takes sides, and I dont but in.I will listen to anyone and IF they want my thoughts, I share them. I know it wasnt my place to try and get the lines of communication open between them, but I couldnt see the pain my husband was going through.
    Things are looking good between them but there are days, like today when he just feels so unloved and alone. He talks about how his funeral will be and how no one would care. I normally dont feel hes a threat to himself, or else I would be putting him in the hospital ( I did it in 99).
    So other than listening to him and being there, and watching his use of meds, what else can I do?
    Thanks for listening and hope to meet more of you.
    Michelle
  2. da91

    da91 New Member

    Is your husband working and is he well regarded there?
  3. danisue22

    danisue22 New Member

    you sure are in a hard place to be.Between a father and his son,a son and his family. I think I would give him as much encouragement as I could muster up. Maybe if you can help fill his mind with all the positive things the ones that are'nt as positive would'nt seem so important.It would be hard for you to say anything to his Dad as it may come accross that your husband is weak so I would'nt do that.
    There is alot of power in touch ,so maybe touching him as much as you can. Letting him know that you would'nt let that happen if he were to pass away. That they would all be there. People can so easily get caught up in there own lifes and forget about others,I mean nursing homes are full of them.What is he doing to reach out to them , maybe he needs to do something.I don't know for sure but he sure needs lots of love from you. I hope this helps you. Hang in there. Danisue
  4. billiegail

    billiegail New Member

    I think your husband really needs to get some counseling because it sounds like he is blaming himself for how others are or were.
    He needs to realize that he can not help how others are and never will. He just needs to pull himself together and love who he is and then he wont need all that approval from everyone else.
    It was not and is not his fault that his childhood was the way it was. When we let our past control our future, then we are headed absolutely no where.
    We have control over who we are and where we will go in life. It sounds like he needs their approval to be happy. When in fact, this may sound harsh, but I know from personal experience that ppl want to see you happy and want to let you know that you are loved and wanted, but when it does not sink in they will just say to Heck with it and let you just be depressed.

    I, personally, will go to a function and have a wonderful time and then when I leave I will harp on what I could have done or should have done or what I might have done wrong.
    If I meantion it to someone, they will be clueless and tell me I am nuts because everything went great.

    It is just how we percieve things and allow it to take over.
    When he sees that he is a great person regardless of others, he will make a 360 degree change.

    Good luck to you and God bless