Winners of Washington Posts' Neologism Contest

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by desertlass, Dec 2, 2007.

  1. desertlass

    desertlass New Member

    This was just sent to me by a friend. If you all have seen it before here, I apologize, but for those who haven't, enjoy, from Lisette:

    Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning
    submissions to its yearly Neologism Contest. Readers were asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

    The winners are:

    1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

    2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

    3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach

    4 Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

    5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

    6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

    7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

    8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.

    9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

    10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

    11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

    12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

    13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

    14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

    15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

    16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

    The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners:

    1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

    2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting (you can guess).

    3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

    4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

    5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

    6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

    7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

    8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

    9... Karmageddon (n): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

    10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

    11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

    12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

    13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

    14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

    15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

    And the pick of the literature:

    16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an...

    [This Message was Edited on 12/02/2007]
  2. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    These are very entertaining. Apparently quite few people are both smart and funny. Maybe they should all join some sort of think tank. (You may want to check out the rules re: posting.)

    Ha det bra

  3. desertlass

    desertlass New Member

    Thank's Rock-- that slipped by me-- I will do my editing duties.

    But if anything is offensive to anyone for any reason, I certainly don't care about being able to post this.

    It was just for cheap laughs.

    I think I flubbed because it had already been published in the Post, so I forgot it might not be entirely suitable for this board.

    Sorry all.

    If you'd rather I took it down, I can.
    [This Message was Edited on 12/02/2007]
  4. fivesue

    fivesue New Member

    People are so clever. These are wonderful. Thank you so much for sharing. Need to get these printed or something.


[ advertisement ]