WITTY COMEBACKS for DDs... (petemora's post CF/FM board....)

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by victoria, Jan 25, 2008.

  1. victoria

    victoria New Member

    ProHealth told me this belongs over here, even tho it was about witty comebacks to stupid comments made to us with CF/FM... unfortunately I no longer have a copy with everybody's names on it who contributed. Petemora gets the credit for starting this post.

    But I'm posting what I do have here... I thought many were funny. And hopefully it will be added to over here:

    Q: You don't look sick?
    A: Well, you don't look stupid. (Said with a smile and a laugh).

    Q: How does your husband/wife put up with you?
    A: I guess it must be the great sex (wink, wink).

    Someone once asked me if I was really on the level. At that time I was about 40 lbs overweight.... I indignantly looked at him then looked at the bulge of my belly, then looked back up at him and asked what was wrong with him.

    I told him it should be obvious that I was on the level...I had to be because the bubble was in the middle. His embarrassment clearly showed on his face... (The bubble in a carpenters level needs to be in the middle for something to be level.)
    Use as befits the occasion:

    "The wise man knows he knows nothing. The fool thinks he knows everything."

    When you say or do something stupid: "Of all the things I've lost it's my mind I miss the most."

    "I do the best I can and it's what's in my heart that counts. The rest of it is just fluff 'n stuff."

    "I take all advice offered to me in order. Yours is number 3,425." (~Mark Twain)

    "Mind your own business. M Y O B"~Judge Judy (and you gotta say it just like she does.)

    "If all my friends were as wise as you, I'd have to make enemies for advice."

    "Sounds like the right brain didn't consult with the left brain."

    "Hey, at least I don't need a crowbar to open up my mind."

    Today is not a good day for you to attempt to change and/or educate me; Matter of fact I am all booked up for next six months. So pick a number and I will call you when your turn comes up.


    Comment: "You look so good!"

    Answer: It must be all that beauty rest.

    I refuse to go into a battle of wits with an unarmed person as it would be an unfair fight.


    Comment: "I read that CFIDS and FM aren't real. Why don't you just exercise (--or whatever), and you'll be fine."

    A: "I've heard ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person alive."

    A: "If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong."

    And to someone in public overwhelming you with too much perfume:

    "Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?"


    "Nobody would ever guess you're disabled." "Nobody would ever guess you were, either."

    "So why are you like that?" "Telling the story costs twenty dollars; payment in advance."

    "My disabling chronic illness is more real than your imaginary medical expertise"

    "A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind..."

    "Are you ALWAYS this stupid**, or are you making a special effort today?"
    ** substitute the appropriate word to go along with question, ie, nosy, bossy, nasty, etc.


    Most of these I did to salespeople on the phone while I was sick in bed with CFS:

    Someone called to sell me a dental plan once, and in sudden invention, I said I didn't have any teeth left. I have all my teeth but she didn't know that and it was fun to listen to her stutter and stammer because that response obviously wasn't on her little card that tells her what to say for every comeback.

    So, with that in mind, I started saying all kinds of ridiculous things to idiots that called my house, it's not like we've sworn to tell the truth or anything, so I would say I just lost my legs in an accident so how could I enjoy a cruise if it wasn't the Special Olympics cruise, or my mom just got a sex change operation and now I don't know what to call her or my dog just ate my cat and I was really upset . . . anything that would cause the person to pause and not want to go on. Just say any nutty thing that comes to mind.

    (None of the people who know me have ever said anything like "you don't look disabled" or "you just need to suck it up" or "you need a shrink". Probably because they knew I would chew them up and spit them out before their next breath. The only dummies bold enough to say these things to my face have been doctors.)


    "Are you operating on one brain cell, or what????"
    That usually stops them in their tracks. And then they give me a vacant look..
    I just walk away..
    No time or energy for one brain cell people...lol..


    Q: "Can't you just *(insert whatever is suggested)]* to get better?"

    A: "Ahh…I see the ignorance fairy has visited us again…"

    [This Message was Edited on 01/27/2008]
    [This Message was Edited on 01/27/2008]
  2. hugs4evry1

    hugs4evry1 New Member

    There are so many wonderful comments in this post, I can't even pick a favorite.


  3. victoria

    victoria New Member


    Wonder what people would think if I kept a list in my pocket or purwe, and whipped it out before replying to their stupid comments....

  4. munch1958

    munch1958 Member

    Well you don't LOOK sick...

    I say it must be all of that organic food I eat!


    That's because I avoid fast food like the plague it is!

    Wish I could come up with a snappy way to tell people not to be me fragrance gifts that keep on giving.

    I say I have an allergy to perfume but that doesn't stop them from giving me reed difusers, candles, plug in air freshners anyway.

  5. blueski31717

    blueski31717 New Member

    when they keep giving you those things just look at them and say " oh, are you trying to tell me my house stinks?" see if they cont. to buy them for you...

  6. victoria

    victoria New Member

    Sorry, I may be repeating some mentioned above, but haven't the brain to check first...

    * Why do you ask?

    * What an interesting thing to say.

    * Do you really feel that way?

    * Wow, do you realize how that sounds?

    * Oh, you are SO funny! (when s/he says something completely ludicrous &/or untrue)

    * Are you being sarcastic? ...You were serious? Wow...

    * Mother Theresa - you ain't!