Wonderful Family Support

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by mamaeagle0103, Mar 15, 2006.

  1. mamaeagle0103

    mamaeagle0103 New Member

    I am sorry for posting negative again. I was informing my family of what is going on and recieved the nastiest email from my aunt and it was very painful. I have a hard enough time dealing with all of this (Finally dx last Thurs). I have been trying to get help for 15 years and am being told by my aunt that I could have never hid chronic pain for 15 years. Anyway, just really sad right now. My family is very small and to have both my aunt and her son (my cousin) being so negative just kills me. I know alot of you deal with this on a regular basis. How do you stand proud and shrug it off. It hurts severely. Kind of cuts to the bone. Especially when I do not even think I have seen her 15 times in the last 15 years, I am positive of it. So how would she know what I have been dealing with for the past 15 years? It is a psycological thing to her. Oh well, brand new to dx. It will just take time to learn how to deal with the negative people.
  2. kaiasmom

    kaiasmom New Member

    You have come to the right place though. It can be very hurtful when people make comments like that - especially people who are close to you.

    Hopefully, someday, they will try to be more understanding. For me, anyone in my life that actually does understand, it took quite some time to get there. And, I still have many family members who just think I'm a hypocondriac.

    They have no idea how good we are at hiding our pain, just to get through each day with some sense of "normal".

    Take care,

    Leanne
  3. claudiaw

    claudiaw New Member

    if no one else does.
    I know how it is , that's why this board is so important.
    ;0
    Claudia
  4. Lindy2

    Lindy2 New Member

    I come from a small what use to be a close family to now only speaking to my sister. I have had Fibro I suspect for at least 15 years I can recall but was diagnosed 5 years ago.

    My family didn't want to hear anything about me hurting. They always said I was faking/drug seeker and it was on that day I knew I had to get away from them.

    It is still so very painful but my family was so toxic to me I had no choice. None of us are on speaking terms and to this day I still cry over missing my family and wishing they would understand.....but I can't change what they think.

    It is bad enough of what all of us deal with and then having to deal with negative people just makes it worse on us.

    You have come to the right place for unconditional support and understanding and anytime you need someone to talk to we are always here :eek:)

    I will say a prayer that they come to terms with this and rethink what they have done.

    (((((Gentle Hugs)))))
  5. RockiAZ

    RockiAZ New Member

    Like the others have said, this is a great place for support. Although I feel I'm lucky to have a very supportive hubby, Dad and 2 grown boys, some of my other family members do not totally understand, nor do the friends that I have left.

    What I have found to help me is to write in my journal. (Well, it's on the computer, no way could I actually "write" it all out). I write in my journal practically everyday, or at least when I can. I write whatever I want in it; my aches & pains, pitty parties, "good" days, bad days, what I accompished, how I'm feeling, etc. Nobody will or has to see it. So when there are times you can't or don't want to express certain feelings, write it in your journal. It's your personal sounding board. Besides, you can always delete it if you want to.

    You can also use this journal to keep record of how you're feeling, what meds you take, how they effect you, doctors you see, etc.

    Hope this helps and I wish you well.

    Live, Laugh, Love,
    Rocki
  6. mamaeagle0103

    mamaeagle0103 New Member

    I am so glad I found this site. I have only been dx since last thurs. but I have already learned more in that short time then I had in 15 years of searching in agony. I do need to start a journal. I also can't sit and write by hand. It would definately have to be an electronic journal. As for my Aunt...I did reply to her email. It wasn't nice but it was also not as nasty as hers. Just stated the facts. And, yes, I did mention that she had barely seen me in 15 years so how would she know how sick or not I was. I also self medicated with alcohol for eight of those years. I also told my AA sponsor that if she wanted to back out, she could. I do not see where I can have a sponsor that isn't willing to be compationate. I do not expect people to understand by any means. That would mean that they would have to be suffering just the same. I would like to be taken seriously. My aunt actually said that I was "looking" for a doctor to do major Sinus Surgery on me last year. Yeah, thats just what we are all looking for!!! I am so happy here. Thank You all for your replies
  7. Peacelearning

    Peacelearning New Member

    hi...

    I am a mother of 2 grown children and one young "wait-for-me!" Still, there is something emotionally valuable about support coming in the form of being believed and nurtured by "motherly love".

    Chronic pain is difficult for friends and family to deal with. I think that most do not know how to "support" someone who is in chronic pain. So, denial too often is a road of response.

    In other words, "doers" or people who want to make it all better, have a specailly hard time, I think.

    I am learning not to respond to every, "how are you feeling?" question with honesty in the moment. For example, if someone asks, "How are you feeling today?" And if I am having a very painful and difficult day, I might say, "I had a very good day last week." This has helped me "screen" who might be genuinely supportive and who is not. A person who has the energy, will, and compassion will say, "Good! But I want to know how you are doing TODAY, and is there anything I might be able to do or say that might help?"

    Sometimes there is, most times there is not. But I ask for prayer (If I am asked) that I learn how to "listen to my body" and care for myself without the should-does-guilt, that I find creative ways to keep from depression, and that I have energy enough to care for others. It is true that I feel better when I have the chance to "support" someone else -- even if it is as simple as a phone call or writing a note, or feeding the dog. :)

    On aside, I look for support that comes in different forms and unexpected ways. For example, my 22 year old son has been a wonderful support to me these last few weeks. He has helped with all the heavy stuff around the house that has been neglected for over 2 years now. Outdoor help, garage help, messy closet help... (With verbal instruction on my end, he has helped me sort through my house. He has loaded the truck and dumped over a ton of "keep it, it has emotional value", or "I might need it one day" furniture chochkies, files and clutter.) SO, SO, SO practical and very supportive! I feel 2 tons lighter as I am learning how to practically live in peace through pain and fatigue.

    PS for Paulie Anna...
    But just last night hubby said I have short tone in my voice and a frowning face... I did not know it. His honesty is also supportive. His comment helped me. I forget to listen to myself sometimes. I overdo it. I really wasn't doing that good and should have been resting. (Sometimes it is impossible not to show hurting...)