work or stay home?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Jeramy, Apr 19, 2010.

  1. Jeramy

    Jeramy New Member

    I am in so much rage today about what to do with my life...
    I am on SSDI and I don't work (for pay), but I have always volunteered with my kids schools. Now I'm not sure I can handle it anymore. I am really torn up about this because the volunteer work fuels my passion and creativity and it's extremely rewarding for me and especially all the kids I help. AND there is no one who can do what I do.
    BUT I get wiped out physically and emotionally.
    I also have my kids and partner and a future with them to consider.
    Most of the time, it's a good day if I can dress and do some dishes or laundry or get groceries and just enjoy my family over a meal or playing a board game or playing with our dog in the yard.
    I am sooooo angry and sad and frustrated right now! I wish I could multitask the way I used to!
    There are always things needed for the kids class or a recital to attend. There's doctor appointments, Bdays to plan, holidays, playdates, a graduation, planning a summer trip, paying bills, doing taxes.
    I also have legal matters from a 3 year old divorce I am still dealing with, settlement and custody issues.
    I have personal projects... like we all do... that I want to take care of. (Organize family photos, go through boxes in the garage and get rid of stuff.)
    I HATE the though of letting go of my volunteer work. It makes me feel as if I'm a failure.
    BUT, would I be failing my family if I don't reserve my energy and health for them?
    And what about my future? Will my life and my health last longer if I lay low? Will I die younger and in more pain if I push myself?
  2. shari1677

    shari1677 New Member

    I have just started taking Ritalin for energy - perhaps this is something you could look into. I've only been on it 5 weeks, too early to tell if there are too horrible side effects. I think it is making an impact on my fatigue, but time will tell.
  3. shari1677

    shari1677 New Member

    Aussiewoman - I didnt know one could do volunteer work online - any suggestions?
  4. quanked

    quanked Member

    I understand what you are going through on so many levels. I go through this anger and frustration every so often. I get tired of processing my feelings over and over on the matter.

    Have you considered volunteering less? I voulunteer for 2 to 2 1/2 hours once a week. It seems like so little when I think of all I want to do and all I use to do. What I do is useful and valuable to those who are recipients of my time. I have be doing this for over a year. I plan my week around these couple of hours or so. Doing this is a gift to myself. I can use my education and interests at least once a week.

    This volunteer work has turned out to be a good fit for me. Yes I want to do more, I expect that I always will but this is the best I can do right now. I cannot define exactly what this work means to me. I know I just do not want to not be able to do it. All or nothing thinking just does not work in any situation for me anymore.

    I hope that you find a way to continue to nurture yourself in this area of your life while taking the best care of yourself in your everday functioning.
  5. blueeyedgrl73

    blueeyedgrl73 New Member

    I agree with what some of the others may be best to just limit what you do. Maybe you could still volunteer with some things could also make it clear that you can split the work with another mom or dad ...and maybe split the day on some events with another parent. I know it makes you feel great to volunteer but it also makes you feel great to spend that time with your family and not feel overly tired and achy. you remember me from chat? I am curious about what you said about the volunteer you mind giving me some names of sites online I could possibly do this for? If you want to email them to me you can at Thanks!
  6. Jeramy

    Jeramy New Member

    Thanks for your input and support everyone. And as to the Ritalin... I was actually put on Ritalin for awhile before my Fibro was diagnosed. It caused a great deal of damage. It stressed my already hyper thyroid and depleated adrenals and in fact, my adrenals crashed and I almost died.
    No stimulants needed here! I do a daily regimen of high quality AMERICAN ginseng for energy and it works really well. (I still get tired, but not the crashing hault trired I used to get.)
  7. blueeyedgrl73

    blueeyedgrl73 New Member

    Thanks for the info :)
  8. dory4three

    dory4three New Member

    I was sick with cfs when my daughter was a freshman and my son was a senior in high school (wich was in 1994), and I am a grandmother of 3 now and that takes alot of energy! I know It's really hard!!! I was so sick that I couldn't get off the couch. You have to say good-bye to your old life, you just can't do it all anymore!! You have to learn how to prioritise and pace. Do the market one day then rest The next week maybe you can do two things in a day and then rest some more. Your body is burnt out right now and you need to rest! I was just like you, there is always something that needed to get done...It takes some time for your family to figure out that you need help, but they'll get it.
    There is light at the end of the tunnel. I go every day now. I can do all my errands in a day and then go out to dinner with friends.
    You will get there, it just takes time, rest and alot of good supplements.
    Best of luck