worst Thanksgiving

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by lin21, Nov 23, 2006.

  1. lin21

    lin21 New Member

    I just got over the worst thanksgiving of my life.
    My husband decided he liked having an audience at his sister's house and attacked me verbally from the minute we sat down. Everyone thought he was funny but I didn't, he was nasty and insulting not only me but our marriage. It kept going and going and then his sister chimed her two cents in and i picked up my butt, put down my fork and stormed out of the house. There I found myself in the freezing rain and walked all the way home. I was drenced and limping by the time I got home.
    I don't believe this has happened but evidentally if his drug problem wasn't enough now that that is taken care of he has decided that everything is my fault.
    He couldn't deal with me getting sick from the time it happened and evidentally no matter how far I've come since then he still get over it, like I let him down.
    Last week he passed a nasty remark about me being on SSI.
    I have forgiven him many many times but this time I think it's finally time to see a lawyer.
    then if that wasn't bad enough his sister blamed everything on the fibro, I think she told my daughter "it's my illness" and I'm too sensitive, could you imagine this bs.
    She was the one that told me when I was diagnosed that fibro was depression and I needed to get over it and move on. Do you believe these people? I guess I didn't get rid of all the toxic people in my life.
  2. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member


    If you do not know my story: my husband could not handle my illness so we decided on divorce. I took him to the cleaners, much to his suprise.

    I had times like your in the beginning. There is no excuse for you walking home in that kind of weather and my heart goes out to you.

    I can only imagine what you were feeling.

    Please just be rational and see it for what it was, like you said: toxic people.

    I would put some down some rules of the house.

    It sounds like you have to go into an assertive mood.

    Good luck. You are in that situation that so many of us find ourselves in.

  3. kellyamos

    kellyamos New Member

    Lin, I am so sorry to hear how your husband and his family have treated you. I also deal with the chronic pain, dx with RA in 1999 and then FM last year.

    I am still working full time and have no help from my hubby. We have been married for 7 years. He goes to this stupid bar next to where he works for about 2 1/2 hours EVERY night after work, Monday thru Friday.

    I pretty much do everything... Cook, clean, pay all the bills... It is just killing me. He has more compassion for everyone but me.

    I also have thought about seeking a lawyer and divorce. One positive thing for me is that when we got married he moved into my house with basically only the clothes on his back. He had lived in a 1 bedroom apartment for many years with junk for furniture.

    He does have a really good job but just blows money on crap. I am also at my wits end when we have to do everything with no help and then be treated so abusing if we have a bad day.

    I just don't know what to do and I am sure you are feeling the same way. We did not ask for these dreaded diseases and God forbid if there are days that we just can't accomplish the things we would like to do.

    I am blessed with a wonderful support system with my family. And I am truly starting to believe that life is just too damn short for us to live in pure misery with these worthless husbands.

    Unfortunately they WILL not change as this is the personality that has been imbedded in them since childhood. Please be strong, hold your head up, and make the decision of what you want the rest of your life to be like. It is time that people in our situations take control to make the rest of our lives a possitive one. God knows we have enough challenges as it is with our poor health; we certainly don't need the addeed stress of the selfish, mean spirited, noncompassionate A**holes we have in our life.

    I feel your pain all over and I wish I could do more to ease your pain. Be strong and love yourself, as you are important... Please let me know how you are doing.

  4. lin21

    lin21 New Member

    Hi ,
    and thanks for your kind words. I don't want any one feeling sorry for me , I'm just so mad that I was put in that situation and that I am living in that situation.
    My SIL was always toxic, the whole family doesn't talk to one another so he is the only brother she has and even though when he was doing his drugs (prescribed) she toldme to throw him out of course she is going to protect him now.
    I don't know where to begin with a divorce but I think it's time. He too will go to the cleaners, because we live in the first floor of my mom's house. If I put down because it's because of his drug use and the judge sees I am unable to work he will be dead.
    I was diagnosed almost five years ago, before that I had a good job and when I got sick it was a big let down for him. Now that my illness is pretty much under control I should be able to have a fairly "normal" life but he has been taking this family on a ride for the past several years.
    I don't take anywhere near the prescribed amount of meds I am supposed to I have too much respect for my meds because I would probably be in a wheelchair without the and just find it hard to believe that he knew he was flirting with danger and continued. Now I'm the bad guy or should I say now he has taken up to calling me a drug addict.
    If you could give me any advice on divorce and where to start it would be appreciated. I don't want to live like this anymore, nor should I.
  5. lin21

    lin21 New Member

    I'm sorry to hear you too are going through the same thing.
    I'm no one to tell you what to do but I think like me you also need to make a move.
    That was how I got sick, doing everything while he worked late and came home after everything was done.
    Thank God , I won my SSI case and I finally have an income I can rely on because he tore me apart and I too spend my life's savings before I won my case.
    So many of us on here find ourselves with a divorce after being diagnosed. If my husband ever had this disease he would have died the first day.
    Keep in touch, let me know how you're doing.
  6. lin21

    lin21 New Member

    that's exactly how I feel, I was definitely set up.
    I would have definitely taking the car if I had the keys, that's for sure but I didn't have them. Buses weren't running and there was no way I was going back in that house. He thought I went to his brother's a few blocks away(who the sister don't too) and called there three times and told his brother'
    s girlfriend (who we became very friendly and talk every day) "please tell me if she's there and she said "she ain't here come and look if you don't believe me". There is no way I would have interrupted their dinner because of this a-hole. Besides I don't like the world knowing my business.
    His whole family is a mess that's why none of them talk to each other.
    This time he went too far and I plan on seeing a lawyer on Monday. I just can't live with him anymore , he put me through a wringer once too many times and he is going to get his.
    As for my daughter, it's breaking my heart, never did I think she would have to deal with such crap as her father going to a rehab. But this is okay to him.
    She came home with him begging me to let him in and telling me he wants to go to counseling. I am not paying one dime for couseling, I want him out, it's over.
    It just breaks my heart that she is going to have a live like this, I never in a million years thought I would be going through this but he just makes me feel bad and brings me down. Since I won my SSI case I have not enjoyed one day.
    I am a firm believer of what goes around comes around and my
    SIL had cancer a few years ago and do you think it change her? She is the same evil witch she was before. I believe that sometimes things happen in our lives for a reason.
  7. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    I am so sorry you had such a bad day. Some people are so insensitive and downright cruel. Your sister-in-law sounds like a real winner.

    I am glad you are strong enough to know this is not you.

    It sounds like if your husband really cares he needs to get therapy. Not take it out on you - how does that help matters?

    I hope you are feeling better soon.
  8. lin21

    lin21 New Member

    Thanks for your kind words.
    I had a friend in my life that always told me you are SO STRONG with everything you deal with daily. Well, like most of us on this board, we have been through hell and I am a firm believer that everything I have been going through the last four years has made me a stronger , healthier person mentally.
    I believe something bigger and better is out there for me and hopefully soon I will begin a new life. My horoscope (very rarely read them) said that I am about to embark on a new 30 years adventure and my husband's said something like things are going to change for the worse for him. I wish I cut them out!!!
  9. lin21

    lin21 New Member

    i am over the hysterics, I did that all the way home. How embarrassing , with ever step I took I swore that this is the last time he is going to belittle me like this. Monday a.m. I'm lookig into a lawyer. I don't know what I'm doing as far as hiring a lawyer but I guess I'll learn.
    Walking in the freezing rain for over 20 city blocks because of his nasty butt.
    He told me not to tell his family about the rehab and then before he was even in the door he announces it like he just received an emmy, to the point he told them how many of every pill he ever took.
    His mother was a witch, I never met a more evil woman, she went to her death and ripped her family apart and every one of her kids is a mess in one way or another. No wonder they all have a part of her in them.
    I am not 16, this is bs to be going through this crap at my age. You don't love me , good leave. I am not saying that I'm perfect, but I am a good wife. I never ran up bills, I cut coupons, I never went anywhere without him. But I guess that was all a mistake in retrospect, I didn't live because of him. I gave up the best years of my life for him.
    My daughter said that he came looking for me for over a half hour which I find very hard to believe. did he really think that I was going to sit there while he ripped me and our marriage apart!!! I put up with far too much bs from him and his entire family over the years, I was isolated and lost friends because no one wanted to hang out with us because he was constantly arguing with me. It was never a normal marriage. the only good thing that came of it was my daughter.
    Thanks for all your kinds words
  10. aquabugs

    aquabugs New Member

    I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I too got out of a really bad, abusive marriage after 18 years of misery. The only good thing about it was that I was not ill at the time.

    I put off leaving for a long time because of my boys, but in the end, I did it FOR my boys. Believe me, your daughter hears every word of what goes on between you two.

    Be strong now and think of her. You do not want her to think that your relationship is what should be between a man and a woman. You need to save your daughter as well as yourself.

    I don't know you, but I am proud of you for getting out of that tortue today. You had to walk in the freezing rain, but by gosh, you didn't put up with all that bull.

    Take care and good for you!!

  11. Gail8899

    Gail8899 New Member

    Since you are on disability I think you might qualify for a lawyer through legal aid. You would not have to pay anything. Check in the phone book under legal aid, or call your local welfare dept. They should be able to give you the number.
  12. ktpar

    ktpar New Member

    My husband does the same thing to me. He told me toady that why should he send me to get my hair done, when my body is so out of shape. He also told me the other day that he does not wan't to make love to a sick person. He has cheated with other women and I forgive him. I am sticking this out for my 9 yr old autistic child and my 2 year old daughter. Why would a person who loves you be so cold? He vowed to be with me through sickness and in health. He even denies me the family truck to go to my appt and rarely pays for daycare. I was at the doctors office many times with screaming kids. I have taken
    anti- depressants since given birth to my 2 year old. I am in so much pain at times I lay here in the bed and my husband calls me a fat a$$ lazy women. I am on MSContin, Neurontin, VIcodin, Elavil, which is not bu suppose to help you sleep, and Cymbalta where I have gained 30lbs since being on. I am so depressed. Just denied SSDI benefits but I can't wait to get them so I could leave him I hate being around him when he is so negative. My family tells me to pray that God will help our marriage. Only heaven knows where this union is going. Sorry you have to go through what I am going through. KP
  13. ktpar

    ktpar New Member

    My husband stated that he will try to take the kids from me in divorce. Mainly because I am sick and take heavy meds for pain and depression. He is away with his job alot and I believe he would not have time for our kids. Could he do that? It would kill me if I loose my kids. Please let me know how you divorce decrees turned out.
    [This Message was Edited on 11/24/2006]
  14. lin21

    lin21 New Member

    as anyone who has fibro knows walking in the freezing rain wasn't very good for me. My daugther is crying for me to give the a-hole another chance and my heart is breaking with every tear that falls.
    I just can't do it no more. Last night I slept with phone on my bed in case in lost his mind inthe middle of the night and decide to hurt me. God only knows what is going on in his head.
    My daughter also filled me in on things that were said by my a-hole SIL after I left. Like it's all my fault he resorted to drugs and on and on.
    I should have never married him but I did and now I want out. He is no way the man I married and I don't think I will get over the hurt he has caused me since i became ill.
    Thanks for the advice about the legal aid , I never thought of that.
    I still can't over that he announced at the table that we would be getting separated but it would be when he was ready and on his terms, boy, is he mistaken. He messed with me once too many times.
    Bye, bye to the good wife. i won't cheat on him, but the days of dedication are long gone.

  15. hermitlady

    hermitlady Member

    I am so sorry you're having to deal w being sick AND having husband troubles.

    My dh has had his moments of stupidity dealing w my illness, but nowhere near what you're going thru. It took him a few years to realize how sick I really am.

    Just wanted to show some support for you, take care of yourself.

    xxxooo Hermit
  16. Granniluvsu

    Granniluvsu Well-Known Member

    Hi Lin,

    My daughter went through a similar situation as you and finally had had it. She does not have FM but does have thyroid and other issures . He never gave her any money to do anything (they have 3 boys, one is a special needs child , 11yrs old, a 16yer old and a 5 year old with leukemia) which they just found out after she told him she had had it. He wa also very verbally and mentially abusive to her. He is a very convenient and only will take the little one fro his treatments IF he feels like it. So she is having to hanage jobs, and go into Houston to be closer to Texas Children's Hospital for his treatments. It is avery long story and there is also drinking involved he never wanted to do anyting to benefit them or the children. She was also forced to put alot of medical bills on her credit card and so now she is no more debt cause he would pay for it. All the regular docs could not find anything so she went to an alternative care doctor that do not take insurance.

    My daughter is going through a lot of bad things right now but she is still alot happiers So, if he (your husband) will not go for treatment or therapy and there is no help don't think you ave alot of choice. Usually they do not think they have a problem and everything is their (the wives) fault.

    Sorry so long. I feel so sorry for you. No one should have to endure what you have been. Bye for now !

    God bless you !


    Marilyn (that Granni)
  17. Kryssie

    Kryssie New Member

    Your post made me very sad, almost sickening! Just keep in your mind that they will get what is coming to them ONE day. How dare someone treat a person with a chronic illness that way, god forbid (and I dont wish this on anyone) that they get it.. but then and only then will the moron (s) know what you are going through! Some people cant see past the nose on their face!
  18. lin21

    lin21 New Member

    Followup to worst Thanksgiving for all those 11/25/06 07:05 PM

    who read my post and kept me in their prayers.
    he swears up and down the episode wasn't planned when I have complete strangers reading the story and feeling just the way I do.
    I was done with the rest of his family as he is but now I am done with the last one. she can go to hell. You know she had thryoid cancer a few years back and survived that , you think it would have changed a person, not her she is still as sneaky and rotten as she always was if not worse.
    He thinks it's life as usual , I loath him and I want him out and I'm looking into legal aid come Monday a.m. It never fails he always pulls some crap over a weekend. Do you believe he actually thought I would vacation with him in December!!!! Those pills ate his brain.
    There is not going to be Christmas in this house, this year!!
    My own mother wants me to see the lawyer Monday. He's done , nothing he can do or say can change my mind this time. With every step I took in that cold rain I swore no man would ever bring that far again. I am not a teenager, I am a 40 something old woman, worked all my life and all of a sudden when I got sick he decided he couldn't deal with it so he developed a drug addiction. Who's mentally ill?
    Joyfully, I would have called a cab if i had my cell, thought it was in my handbag but i was wrong. buses weren't running regular so it really didn't make a difference whether I stood still waiting for the bus or walked.
    I don't know what stopped me from "keying" his car or breaking his windshield that's how furious I was. But of course if I did that I would have been at fault.
    he swore up and down that he drove around for half and hour looking for me. Well there is only four main avenues in our town so he couldn't have looked that hard. His dinner was getting cold.
    And do you believe his witchy sister had the nerve to say terrible things about me after I left. She told my daughter i overract because of my illness. How else was I to react the way they were ripping me apart!!!
    Their lucky I didn't completely loose it and pull the tablecloth off the table!!!
    She doesn't talk with any of her family and when and if her daughter ever gets married she could forget about me being there or doing anything for any of them. i don't care who dies or who marries, I'm done with his family. And if he goes before me that family is so messed up there is no doubt even before this that I will have to have a cop at the wake.
    He is trying to turn my daughter against me now. I am so fed up. This whole weekend was ruined for me because now I'm in so much pain i can't do a thing.
    Thanks girls,

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