Would women back up their men with this DD, as men do per ladies comments?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by monom, Dec 27, 2002.

  1. monom

    monom Member

    I see how supportive the men are to their women,as you ladies mention that on this site. would women be supportive
    as well? Can a man with this DD,imagine such a support?
    Is it fair to a woman whom you care or love to be around you
    as a man with this DD?
    I deeply appreciate your comments.

    Thank you all WOMEN AND MEN AS USUAL.

    MONOM

    [This Message was Edited on 12/28/2002]
  2. Reg1

    Reg1 New Member

    My answer to your guestion is WITHOUT A DOUGHT. I married this man for sickness and in health till death do us part. I definately will honor my vows to the best of my ability. And would be with him until that dreadful day arrives.
  3. teach6

    teach6 New Member

    I took my marriage vows seriously and would have supported my ex through this illness. I supported him through good times and bad.

    He however did not support me as the sypmtoms of my illness developed. He just told me I was making it up to get back at him for traveling so much. Actually, that thought never crossed my mind.

    I think it has to do with trust and the basic makeup of a person, not necessarily their gender. Bottom line, my ex didn't trust me, even though I never gave him a reason to doubt me.

    On the other hand I trusted him, even when he had given me much reason to doubt. I was able to forgive and move on, but he expected our marriage to be centered around him and his needs. When I couldn't do that, he checked out.

    Your comment about men supporting their spouses with these DD's is somewhat puzzling since many many women have written about the lack of support, or their marriages ending due to their illness.

    Barbara
  4. murillomod

    murillomod New Member

    I fell in love with the loving heart my husband has, and he still has that heart, why would I give up on him now? I say I have this dd just as well as he does, I may not have the physical pain but the emotional pain is there, and I know we will survive this together.
  5. klutzo

    klutzo New Member

    The stats on divorce where one partner is on disability show a sharp difference. I have not seen any stats on illness without disability, so cannot comment.
    Women with a disabled partner were more likely to stay with him than ever, feeling a duty to not abandon a helpless partner, even if the marriage was unhappy.
    Men with a disabled partner divorced at much higher rates than average rather than stay and be nurturers. The sad conclusion to be drawn is that most men still expect women to nurture them, and not vice versa, vows or no vows. I am not including the actual % of divorces here, partly because I can't remember which publication this study was in as it was long ago,and also because the differences were so extreme between the sexes that they are very disturbing, and will only bring us all down.
    Those of us, like me, who are married to the good guys, should thank our lucky stars and tell them often how much we appreciate them.
    Klutzo
  6. joannie1

    joannie1 New Member

    There is no way that I would ever turn my back on my Husband for any reason even including this. I would be very supportive and would do as I do for myself. I would research and reasearch and help him to be as informed as possible about the disease.
    In my own opinion I feel that women are more nurturing then men. Men tend to want to ignore the situation and by doing so it isn't really happening. At least in my situation that is the way it is. I would never turn my back on my Husband and he obviously after all the hell we have been through with this he would never on me.
    Joannie
  7. monom

    monom Member

    You ladies were great in responding to my post. When I read your responses, each one gave me a hope and shook me up with loving and caring thoughts you have. I am very amazed there are ladies out there who believe and think the way you do with strong foundation. I am very happy about you and families involved with your supports. With your responses, I also cry to see how supportive, responsive and knowledgeable you are towards your family and others on this site.

    This gives a hope to get out and may be I can run in to one
    some day.

    Thank you ladies and very happy New Year.

    MONOM.

    [This Message was Edited on 12/28/2002]
  8. Nannibel

    Nannibel Member

    When my husband and I both fell ill at the same time with this disease, I had so many fears that our relationship wouldn't be able to remain strong, that this dd would destroy it. I found that throughout that past 14 years my husband never intentionally let me down, it was always the result of this dd if he wasn't supportive, he has remained the bravest, strongest, man I could ever have expected him to be, and I don't mean that in the physical sense. He has
    that been nothing but a heroe in my childrens lives. Don't think that just because you are ill you are no longer a man, you can decide not to let this disease change your heart and inner strength.