Would you get Pregnant, knowing you have FM?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by anchor, Mar 11, 2003.

  1. anchor

    anchor Member

    Hi...I recently met my soulmate and we have been tossing around the idea of having a child. We both made some drastic life-changes in order to begin a new life together. During that time, I was Dx with Fibromyalgia and have been slammed with syptoms. We have each had time to mourn the (potential)loss of an active lifestyle that we were envisioning and as we begin to get comfortable with the idea of having a quiet, peaceful life....we would like to share in the joy of having a child.

    I have two children from a previous marriage, ages 8 and 5. Those pregnancies were fine and I think I began having FM symptoms - very mild - after my younger child was born. While this new decision is down the road quite a bit, he and I would like to consider it.

    What would you do? Have any of you been pregnant with Fibro? What would you imagine a pregnancy would do to pain? I would like to mention that after being Dx, my guy took a few steps back and moved into his own place to concentrate solely on his work, so he can be sure to gain tenure at the end of this year with the college he teaches at. He is still a part of my daily life and we are both certain that we will spend the future together....just need to wait a bit for the right time.

    What do you think? Would I survive a pregancy? Post-natally?
    BTW, I am 32 and this is at least two years away.

    Thanks, Anchor
  2. teawah

    teawah New Member

    I had fm since I was 4 and had my babies w/it. I got worse every pregnancy and the last one almost killed me. Was this due to the fm? I don't know. Was it worth it? Yes. As far as having one in this day and age, I would have to think long and hard to see if I really had anything to offer a new child in my life. Are the ones you already have sufferring because of your fm? Can you give them as well as ANOTHER child your best? Be honest and ask yourself these questions and take a good hard look at the children you have now and decide with wisdom. As far as I go, there is no way that I could be the kind of parent that a child deserves. Mine have lived with their father for the last 5 years now and I think that children deserve the best and I am not it. I hope for your sake and theirs that you make the right decision. LOL, Teawah
  3. phenom

    phenom New Member

    i'm 21 and my partner and i have started talking about the future too - out of the blue he was asking me what i thought of different names! so we discussed what it would be like.

    i think that it would be hard - but then parenting is. i've heard a lot of horror stories about symptoms going away during pregnancy and then coming back twice as bad about 6 months after the birth.

    i can barely do anything these days, but i know in my heart that i could have baby and give it everything it needed. yes i would need a lot of support from my family and partner, but i really think i could do it. not right now, i'm thinking in about 2-3 years.

    but you have to ask yourself the hard questions - and be brutally honest - and go with your gut feelings. good luck.

  4. dd

    dd New Member

    Hi Anchor - I have 3 children and have always wanted one more. Then this sickness struck me about 7 years ago...I wasn't diagnosed until 2001 with FM and CFS and a host of other things related to the FM and CFS.

    I know in my heart that I COULD NOT give a new baby all that it would need from me. I do my best as it is now to give my 3 boys what they need. They do get plenty of love and so would a new baby...BUT...a baby requires a LOT of attention and physical exertion. Just doing the laundry does me in on some days. The laundry could wait if need be but a baby would not...you would have to be there...ready for anything, tired, in pain and all. I had to look at the situation that I was in and came to the conclusion that I have to put the energy that I do have into the children that I have now even though I would love to have another.

    I am concerned that your guy has taken a step back from the relationship since your DX. I would give that great consideration also. This is a tough disease for those that love us also. If he is having a hard time now...adding a baby to the picture may put more stress on your relationship if you do get worse and he feels that he is doing more than he should have to.

    I wish you the best in whatever decision you make. You are going to have to ask yourself some very hard questions...and be honest with yourself...for you and for the children that you have now.


  5. mom2anj

    mom2anj New Member

    Hi Anchor!

    I only say absolutely because I felt awesome during my last pregnancy! Despite the normal aches and pains of being pregnant it was the best I had felt in a LONG time!! I almost forgot what fibromyalgia was. I do remember commenting on how I actually felt "normal" again and couldn't believe how good it was. However----the day after my baby was born my balloon burst because my body started feeling terrible again. It was especially hard because after you have a baby it's easy to get sleep deprived - which is not good at all if you have fibromyalgia! My baby is a year old now and I'm still in a terrible cycle of fatigue/pain. It does make it very hard to deal with day to day activities and the care of a child - not to mention I have two older children as well. Despite all that it is still worth it - for me anyway - to have children. They make my life worth living. In fact they get me off my butt and out into the world doing things I'd probably be too tired to do on my own.

    Good luck!

  6. tsj62301

    tsj62301 New Member

    and looking back the symptoms were worse with each one. Although it seems tough to think about caring for someone other than yourself I find that with my kids they keep me busy even when i don't feel like it. And the business keeps my mind off of how crappy I really feel. Without them I would stay in bed all the time. I guess they were a great idea because they keep me alive instead of withering away in bed.
    Good luck on your decision.
  7. patchwork

    patchwork New Member

    and didn't have my son until I was 37 due to feeling so sick However, although the pregnancy was tough I have actually improved since his birth (he's now 5) and am even thinking of having another at 43!!!!! It could be a big mistake, but how can you know?????? I don't know if it will make you better or worse, I think it depends on if you think the risk is worth it or not.....
    Good Luck!
  8. Bambi

    Bambi New Member

    in my life from my daughter. She has
    brought joy to everyone that's known
    her and to her husband. She is a beautiful girl inside and out. At the
    time there was no question I wanted her, no accident there! But I would
    have to ask her if she knew she was
    going to end up with her FM at 30
    would she have wanted me to have her.
    I don't know what her answer would be. For my sake I say YES, for her
    sake I'm not sure.
    Hugs, Bambi
  9. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    We have three, maybe four, generations with FMS, and she doesn't know whether she will be able to care for a child. She is still working and is in pretty good shape, but she knows that having a child may make her worse and may bring yet another generation into this horrible legacy of FMS.

    Good luck to you in whatever you decide to do.

    Love, Mikie
  10. shannonrn

    shannonrn New Member

    I just had a baby 8 months ago. I have had FM for about 8 years. I felt awesome during pregnancy! About 6 weeks after the birth I started having symptoms again and they were worse before my pregnancy. If I could give you any advise I would say get pregnant. My son is what gets me out of bed in the morning and get on with my life. With him I do not dwell on the pain, I just go on and do whatever nedds to be done. You have to have an empathatic husband though. I could not get up with him through the night and function through the day so my husband got up with him. I did have to rearrange my life some. I went back to work full time after my preg leave and is was wearing me out. I was lucky enough to go part-time (I work 1-2 days a week) and it has helped me tremendously. When talking about getting pregnant with your significantother I would explore every scenario before you decide to do anything (work, getting up at night, lifting the baby). I plan on at least having one more if not two. I love being a mom. It makes my life complete and doesn't make this illness get the best of me.
  11. charisma1973

    charisma1973 New Member

    Even though I had not been Dx at the time, all of my symptoms have been around forever. My oldest son is 7-he was born at 29 weeks weighing a whopping 2lbs 3 oz (he THANK GOD is perfect) due to pre eclampsia, eclampsi and HELLP syndrome. I had a classical c section and was encouraged to have only the one child. We have had two more-a 3 and a 5 pounder!LOL Both preemies due to pre eclampsia. No one was sure why my pregnancies were going that way because like FM, pre eclampsia is still a mystery. Since I have recognized the need for help with my FM symptoms (knowing in my heart something was wrong and that I wasn't a hypochondriac)and have sought the help, we figured that alot of the pregnancy problems stemmed from some sort of auto immune problem ie FM.

    I agree that my children are why I do make it-I HAVE to make it, get up, get dressed and do for them no matter how I feel, and I guess I am a glutton for punishment, but I would have it no other way.

    I hope this didn't scare you-it may or may not be related and all of my kids are perfect-I just wanted to give my perspective.

    Good luck,

  12. klutzo

    klutzo New Member

    FMS is passed through the X chromosome in an autosomal dominant manner. Nearly all researchers either agree with this, or believe the strong tendency to get it is passed this way. So, unless I could be absolutely sure I would have a boy, I would never take the resulting 50% chance of condemning my little girl to eventually getting this illness which has destroyed my life. I would not wish that on my worst enemy, let alone my own child.
    There are thousands of children languishing in foster care because so many people who claim they love kids, really love their own egos and want to reproduce themselves. If you really love kids, and not just your own desires, put your money where your mouth is and adopt. Taking a slightly older child also letes you bypass the intense physical strain on your FMS of getting up during the night with a baby, and lifting a heavy toddler in your arms, while simultaneously saving some poor kid from a lonely and unloved life in foster care. I don't care if you feel better while you're PG...what about how that daughter will feel when she gets FMS? It's not about you and what you want; it's about the child.
    I know I will get LOTS of flack for this, but you asked for opinions, and this is mine, and I'm entitled to it.
    May God Bless you whatever you decide to do.
  13. sofy

    sofy New Member

    Having a child is not about much of anything except GIVING love to the child. Wanting a child cannot be your prime reason. This sight is full of women who bemoan the burden their illness puts on their children. No one can guarantee what will happen tomorrow but to go blithly ahead without facing facts is irresponsible and the child will pay the price for that. If you can provide alternative plans to take care of the childs future emotional and financial needs should you not be capable then possibly but in the mean time be thankful you have 2 children who will provide you plenty of places to give love.
  14. Combatmedic

    Combatmedic New Member

    and I am 25 years old, and just the other day (saturday) my husband and I were at our nieces' birthday party, and we were asked point blank by someone if we were going to have kids, my husband (who has had a very hard time dealing with this illness when it comes to children) for the first time said, No, that children were not likely for us.

    We talked and talked about this, and the only way we will ever have children, is if they find a cure to make me better, and if we adopt. Yeah, some people might feel GREAT, DURING the pregnancy====how about the NEXT 18-20 YEARS???? pregnancy lasts 9 months, a CHILD is forever.

    I am a third generation FM'er, and when I first got sick, my mother got a saddened look on her face, and said, every generation gets worse. (In her family) My 27 y.o. sister is also ill (but not with FM) I have a male cousin who, at 29 years old, was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease........one WEEK after he found out he and his wife were pregnant with their first child (who by the way is a beautiful four month old girl). My cousin cannot get down in the floor to love on her and play with her.

    Besides genetics, and not being well enough myself to care for a child, I'm looking at the world around me, and I do not like what I see. I live three houses down from an elementary school. I see those children outside playing, laughing. So precious and innocent, and it breaks my heart. I wonder about each of their futures. Right now they don't know the evils of the world. Everything is good for them. But, when they grow up? Nowadays, kids have killed their own parent for telling them to get off the phone!!! They are killing each other over words, shoes, etc!!! That is scary. I just do not want to bring a child into this kind of world. I don't have the strength, and I realize it, and I'm glad I realized it BEFORE I have had a child.

    My own mother fights with herself daily because my sister and I are sick. It kills me to see that. I, of course don't blame her for anything! But I have been sick since I was very young, and my sister struggles with mental illness as well as physical, and I think that my Mom feels like she failed us. She feels like she has done something terrible, like she brought us into this world just to suffer, and struggle....and so on..............

    (Now we all know that isn't true! I love my mother, and I do not think it is her fault, but, I cannot convince HER that it isn't)and no one should have to live feeling guilt over their child's illness.

    Strong topic. My answer is an absolute, emphatic, NO.
    No way, No how.

  15. anchor

    anchor Member

    Thank you for the honest responses; I appreciate hearing all viewpoints and personal stories.

    My FM symptoms aren't as bad as many of the people on this board, so perhaps I don't really have any real idea of how bad this disease can get...a kind of denial maybe, however that is information that only experience can offer. I have had some bad flares, but have recovered fairly well afterwards.

    I do not have family support, nor friends. I lost all that in my divorce (except for my family, but we are far apart, geographically). I am able to keep up in life fairly well, considering the Dx, but a part of me lives in fear of a worsening day.

    It should be clarified that this is not a question asked out of ego - of course I have asked myself the various deeper questions you have posted in response.

    Thanks and if anyone has more thoughts, please share.

  16. kadeedidit

    kadeedidit New Member

    I suffer everyday with this syndrome and I have a 34 year old daughter that I watch suffer with it to. I am so sad that I passed this on to her and if I had known back then it would never have happened. I also have a 24 year old and I pray to God everyday that she'll never have to go thru what my daughter and I do.
    You wanted opinions......those are my honest thoughts. My 34 year old chose not to have babies and instead adopted 3 foster children.
    [This Message was Edited on 03/12/2003]
  17. dacer

    dacer New Member

  18. kita309

    kita309 New Member

    I have four children. The first pregnancy started out great. Then towards the end I think that the fibro really started taking over. I got to the point that I could not raise my head up over my shoulders to get out of bed, one morning it actually felt like my back had locked up. It was really scary like I was paralzyed. I told the doctor and he said that my age 27 my have something to do with it and the pregnancy itself.He gave me some percocets and sent me home. Still I complained, then my feet started cramping so bad and that made me so nervous and restless. I thought that I would lose my mind. After the delivery it got worse. I got pregnant again just 4 months after my first delivery. I started feeling great again, actually loved being pregnant. Got outside and planted and spread sod in my flower garden and worked everyday 10 hours a day at my store. Everytime I was pregnant I always felt so much better. At least untill the very end of the preg. when you just feel bad anyway and want to get it over.After each pregnancy my symptoms came right back. I now have 4 children and one of my children has cystic fibrosis which really makes it hard on me. My shoulders hurt so bad that I have a real hard time doing her chest percussions. I have a electric percussor but she does not like it as well as me doing it with my hands. I have had to get injections at times because I can not even raise my arms enough to brush my teeth or hair. My kids do help me so much, bless their hearts I feel sorry for them at times. They help me pull laundry out of the wash, because I sometimes can not do it. They do alot for me. I really do not know what I would do with out them. Now I am dealing with a new doctor that does not know how to treat this and says he can not keep giving me hydros for the pain, untill I go to another doctor. So here I go starting all over with all the tests that I have already had. Just so that they can tell me what I already know. But I would do it all over for my kids. I am glad that I have them and wish that I could have more.Because I do feel better while I am preg. The only bad thing is when you do have a spell there is not many things that you can take for it. Kita@blomand.net
  19. Sandyz

    Sandyz New Member

    It`s a hard decision isn`t it? You`ll just have to follow your gut and your heart. I myself had 2 boys while I had fM. They are 12 and 7 yrs old. They bring me so much joy that I would sure do it all again. Its hard some days but so rewarding.

    I think they would rather have been given a chance at life even if there is some suffering and hardships involved then to have never lived at all. I know I would!
    [This Message was Edited on 03/12/2003]
    [This Message was Edited on 03/13/2003]
  20. lease79

    lease79 New Member

    I think you could have worded that a little differently. If you wanted your post to sound cruel & harsh, you managed it.
    Many of us here before we even knew we had this dd have had daughters. Me included. I have three little girls.
    I don't like the thought that I may have 'condemned them to a life of pain & suffering' which is what you have implied by your post that I may have done.
    I love my little girls beyond life itself, & the thought of them being in pain makes me feel ill.
    Your post makes it sound like those of us who have daughters are self centred & only thinking of ourselves & not our children. Do you honestly think that I would have had more children after Imogen if I thought that I could pass this on???? I was lead to believe that I am suffering from this because I had a viral infection & my system crashed from it.
    I have read some info about fm & cfs being hereditary, but none of it seems to be proven. I have NEVER seen any literature saying that it they are infact inherited conditions, or NO I would NOT have had children. Not with the stats as high as you say they are.
    I am currently pregnant with baby no.4, & must thank you for making me feel incredibly guilty for that.
    But don't worry. I deffinately wont be having any more.