years ago I met a retired missionary who told me about her CFS

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by sunflowergirl, Feb 22, 2013.

  1. sunflowergirl

    sunflowergirl Well-Known Member

    She was working in Africa with her husband who was the "main" missionary in their family. CFS hit her big time and she struggled for a very very long time. She told me that one time her husband dropped her off at a clinic to see the doctor. 2 hrs. later he came to pick her up and she was STILL sitting on the curbside because she couldn't get up enough strength to even walk to the front door to see the doctor.

    She prayed hard about a healing. God told her to forgive everyone, absolutely everyone she might have hidden anger toward. She told me she prayed for 2 days and nights, asking God to bring to her mind everyone she needed to forgive......including herself. After this time she felt such a release and ALSO a lifting of the fatigue. It stayed with me and I have given much thought on who I need to forgive. I've wondered also if the most is ME.....things that I feel I should have done over the years and failed to.We have to remember to also forgive ourself. Satan can continue to bring things up in our minds but we must remember that Jesus died for us.
  2. springwater

    springwater Well-Known Member

    that is quite a story. and its a co incidence but ive been doing

    forgiving exercises these days..part of my pranic healing course

    where we 'forgive' everyone who we think has hurt us, starting

    with ourselves and ask for forgiveness of others who we may have

    hurt intentionally or unintentionally.

    thanks for posting.

    God Bless
  3. sunflowergirl

    sunflowergirl Well-Known Member

    I went two weeks ago for a second time in 3 months to a "healing room". Find my post on this subject on this worship board. Anyway, they pray over you for healing, but they also ask who you need to forgive. I have forgiven other people but for the first time after some thought I said ME......! Since then I have given this a lot of thought. I'm a "rescurer" and feel if I can just do enough for some person then I can help them to change. Not so. I feel like I've been punishing myself for things I've felt I could have done. There's that mind/body connection again.
  4. springwater

    springwater Well-Known Member

    My battery is about to go so will

    Write more later,

    But agree its freeing to forgive and not the easiest

    Thing to do.

    I never thought I needed to forgive myself

    But apparently I do, a lot.

    Working on it. There's an exercise

    For it. Trying to do it regularly.

    Thing to remember - patience

    Things don't resolve overnight

    Health issues take their time to

    Heal..need to focus on not giving

    Up, need to keep an eye on the

    Goal -to become the healthiest

    One can be, on all levels.

    God bless

    [This Message was Edited on 02/24/2013]
  5. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    So glad you posted on this topic. Just from reading your post, during this week, it keeps popping into my mind. And I remember as people and situations from the past come to mind. And I remember to forgive, and bless them. Very hard sometimes.

    But I believe we release people from being chained up, held back from growing in some way, when we forgive.

    Still thinking over the forgiving of ourselves.

    Hope you will bring more thoughts here. And perhaps others will come and post a prayer, or a struggle, faith, doubts. Start conversations again like in the past.

    Praying for you too.

  6. sunflowergirl

    sunflowergirl Well-Known Member

    As Christians we are told we have to forgive, since God has forgiven us.......if we don't forgive we also won't be forgiven. Yes, it's hard with some people for whatever we feel they've done to offend us. We store these hurts away in our heart, but it will slowly turn to stone if we don't let them go. I remember reading someplace that holding this anger toward someone is like drinking acid. It only hurts us. And most of the time that person doesn't even know you're angry with them.

    I know people (I used to say the older ones my mom's age but I've now become the older person) who had unforgiven anger toward something that happened perhaps 50 year ago. They've even forgot WHY they were angry, but it became a habit and habits are hard to break.

    And thank you for your prayers. I try to remember to pray every night for everyone on this board. We're all suffering in so many ways.[This Message was Edited on 02/28/2013]
  7. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    yes, that's exactly why I chose to forgive...... coming from an abusive background it took decades to try and heal the damage. But forgiving I started when I was 20, a new Christian, just because Jesus said it was imperative. That was 4 decades ago.

    I think as layers come up to our consciousness from our experiences, from memories, we can forgive again and again. And work through our pain and anger and sorrow. Forgiveness is truly radical.

    What I learned was that forgiveness is not the same as excusing the harm that someone has done. Or denying it. But just because the destruction done is so terrible, forgiveness is needed. After all these years I don't need rational arguments, there is so much mystery to our lives; to spiritual truths.

    Are you the sunflowergirl who painted such wonderful pictures? I'm remembering a watercolor of a flower - not sure if it was a lily or not. But you had been working in acrylics or oils before that. And it was one of your first watercolors. It was so masterfully done.

    I'm so glad you're praying for everyone here everyday. I do too, as people come to mind throughout the day and night.

  8. sunflowergirl

    sunflowergirl Well-Known Member

    I had to give up WC because I had to keep my head down, causing terrible pain and headaches. It took me a while to realize that. Now when I feel up to it I work in oils upright but smaller sizes. Painting is the one thing that makes me forget how I'm feeling. I get lost in creating. I could care less if I sell anything anymore, I just do this for my own pleasure.

    I listen to KWVE radio....a christian can find it on the internet. Pastor Chuck Smith apparently has a book out about his interview with a woman who had to learn to forgive BIG TIME. Tex Watson was the one who killed her mother (remember Charles Manson) and when she became a christian she knew she had to do this.

    And I'm sure you've read about Corrie Ten Boom who was in a concentration camp and after liberation she went on to speak around the country. And her persecutor from the camp came up to her at some speaking engagement and asked for forgiveness for what he had done. Her sister died really because of him.

    So nice to chat with you. May God continue to bless and heal you.

    [This Message was Edited on 02/28/2013]
  9. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    Betsy Ten Boom is my hero - and Corrie too! I always remember Betsy saying to give thanks for the fleas in their cell! And it turned out that the fleas kept the guards out, and they could teach the Bible and give care to the other women there.

    Yes, and I do remember Corrie's response when the former Nazi asked for forgiveness. She froze, and couldn't do it on her own! She asked Jesus to give her the strength, and was able to.

    I remember showing my husband your watercolor painting too, and he really admired it. He's a painter also - has shown in group shows, and individual, and won grants over the years. We were flooded during the first hurricane - Irene, in 2011, and so many of his paintings were destroyed. And drawings. Heartbreaking.

    We've just had to move because of the mold that set in from the flooding and traveled through the house. Had to get rid of most of our furniture, carpets, drapes, bedding, more paintings and drawings, etc. And now we're slowly going through each item that we did bring, cleaning and restoring what's left.

    I also had etchings, and watercolors, life-drawings and collages of my work that was destroyed. Still feeling sick about it, but trying to concentrate on the good that we have. One of my main spiritual focuses is practicing gratefulness. I learned from the teachings of Brother David Steindl-Rast, a wonderful monk.

    Have you read the book by Ann Voskamp, 'One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are'?. She lived with so much tragedy, and learned to heal her bitterness by counting the gifts right in her everday life. I think her first one was the way the light slanted on the beautiful wood floors in her kitchen. That book was a rare life-changing one for me.

    She has a wonderful site: 'A Holy Experience ...' She is one of the most transparently honest people I have ever heard. She started writing a blog about these counting of thanks of the beauties and goodness around her, and an editor actually came to her to ask her to write a book. She did, and it became a NY Times International bestseller - still on their list after a long time.

  10. sunflowergirl

    sunflowergirl Well-Known Member

    When something like that happens it does no good to mourn over the loss. You just have to move on the best way you know how. We had a tiny area in our house that got mold years ago and I freaked out. We were lucky we could just remove all the flooring and treat it with bleach. I can't imagine having to deal with a whole house.

    There is a well known artist whose house burnt down in a big Texas fire. She lost everything. Then they had a chance to make a big move to Oregon to start over.

    I NEED to learn to practice thankfulness daily. I started writing 5 things daily that I was thankful for, then like everything else, it fell by the wayside.

    Thanks for the suggestions. I will look up the book. I read almost everything someone recommends.

  11. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    Have been pondering about grieving. For me I have found that it is best to let myself feel sad about losses whenever I miss someone or something precious to me. And somehow that does help me to move on. I look for the good that I have now.

    I sometimes keep a gratefulness journal just for the delight of capturing something beautiful to look back on later. But after 9 or 10 years of focusing on this spiritual practice, I just go about the day keeping open and aware to what is around me, and concentrating on appreciating it. It really is like ever-widening circles of goodness. Another word that is used is plenitude.

    That is what it has given me. Such a good antidote after growing up in a place of much negativity and feelings of scarcity.

    So glad that you can still paint in oils. I remember your oil paintings of flowers! I remember thinking at the time that that's why your watercolor painting turned out so well, since you had painted flowers many times. Your work is really beautiful. Do you have them on any site?

    I have a background in fine arts. Studied painting, drawing, sculpture for 3 years, and then later took other classes. Have had to give it up. Actually hugely painful to talk about since it was the most important thing in my life besides people.

    But I love seeing other people's work. I always give feedback to my husband's paintings, and enjoy it so much.

    We figure it will be about a year or more before he can start painting again, and set up a studio.

    It's taking all our efforts to sort through, and clean, repair whatever is left from the hurricane/flood/mold disaster. It will take awhile since he is doing almost all the work. I have so much mold illness that I'm trying to stay away even from unpacking the many boxes of my beloved books. I put the books around the house to soak up the light and sun, and it actually works.

  12. sunflowergirl

    sunflowergirl Well-Known Member

    How did your husband take the loss of his paintings? We're all different in the way we look at "tragedies" that hit us. None of us are immune to loss. It's doubly hard when you lose something you've put your heart and soul into creating. I can understand how you feel, now that you don't have the energy to create. These health problems we've developed really have a way of robbing us of the joy we once had. It's hard for me to even muster up cooking, that I once loved to do.

    Definitely stay away from the mold. Do you have things separated and closed off? And I'm sure your husband wears a mask and gloves when working with things that need to be cleaned.

    I'm basically self taught, no formal education but for years I read a lot of art instruction books and absorbed what I liked. No, don't have any place to sell and actually at this point in my life I'm going thru my "creations" and giving them away or painting over watercolors I don't like. My little granddaughter shows talent even at 5 so she'll be able to use the used paper. I'm in a total clean up and toss out mode.

    I collected so much STUFF over the years and I'm trying to rid myself of possessions that drag me down.......used to have a little antique business. I'm slowly selling things on ETSY and that's become time consuming for me.

    Take care, and heal.


  13. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    I had an excellent grief therapist. I was grieving for my old life before I got sick. We may go through all, or some, of the steps in the grieving process just as we do when we lose someone we love.

    Forgiving those who have harmed us is not for them; it's for us so we can move on spiritually. While I do not believe our illnesses are caused by not being forgiving, I do believe living a stressful life can contribute to our illnesses and keep us from healing. We need to leave anger, resentment, holding grudges and all negative feelings behind. Easier said than done but it CAN be done.

    Prayer and meditation help with this. Several years ago, I got very sick with bronchitis from a coworker who sat next to me at a meeting coughing. She should have never come to the meeting even though it was "mandatory." There was nowhere else to sit as the room was full. I tried to shield my nose and mouth from her coughing. I was really sick and resented her for exposing me to her illness.

    As I was meditating, I head a voice in my head saying, "You absolutely must forgive Janice." I was aware of my anger at her but didn't realize how important it was to forgive her. As I was thinking and praying on this, it occured to me that she may have been in dire straits and needed her job so much that she felt she had to go to the meeting to keep her job. Forgiving her, and trying to be more understanding, lifted my anger and I forgave her. I got well and think this was a lesson of how much our mental state contributes to our wellness (or illness).

    If I expect God's mercy, I must show mercy to my brothers and sisters.

    Love, Mikie
  14. sunflowergirl

    sunflowergirl Well-Known Member

    I totally agree. We MUST forgive those who we feel have wronged us. Unforgiveness is like drinking poison to US.

    And you were told that Janice needed to be forgiven, not knowing her circumstances.

    I also held anger for YEARS against the young dental trainee who brought on a world of pain on me. She glued my mouth shut while taking an impression....I think that was the beginning of FM after 6 months of incredible pain and suffering from a dislocated jaw. Think about the people who have been in auto accidents, from the carelessness of others. I used to work in claims for AAA. We got the cases when it went to an attorney. One of the accidents I remember so well. A neurosurgeon was hit by our insured. Because of the accident and following surgeries his eyes were affected and one was out of allignment. He lost his career because of this carelessness from our insured. Another one hit a child and killed him because our insured was not paying attention and driving too fast. It's hard for a parent to forgive something like this.

    I've talked about my PA husband on other posts. I've gone thru a ton of forgiveness for all the things I feel he's done to me over the years. He also is changing, realizing what he's done. We still have our problems but only 4 sessions with this therapist has opened him up to talking more. I can't tell you how that has changed ME from the way he's now treating me.

    I've gone thru my mind, asking God to show me who I need to forgive so I can move on. It's amazing what God will reveal to us when we just ASK. "Ask and it shall be given".......

    And we are told that we must forgive otherwise God will not forgive us.

    As a Christian I know that there must be reasons for me to have what I go thru. I know that God can heal me whenever he chooses. I now pray for the strength to endure daily, and for me to learn what lessons I'm supposed to from all of this.
    [This Message was Edited on 03/23/2013]
  15. ameilie73

    ameilie73 Member

    Hatred destroys the hater not the hated. It ties you to the person you despise forever. Eats you up , stops you living in the moment.

    Understanding brings about forgiveness it cannot be forced. Forgiveness is about setting yourself free. It doesnt mean forgetting that would be foolish, is is a lifes lesson. Emotions have to be worked through, acting on emotion achieves nothing but they do tell you that something is wrong. Best to take self away from siuation and learn what they are telling you Is it to set a boundary? Etc. Time does take time. But what i do say to myself is Im going to give the universe a couple of years to deal with this then i will review the situation. Its the only way i find not to get caught up in hatred.

    But if im physically threatened then it is natural for my instincts to protect me, i cannot feel guilty for them

    While theres more than one person on this planet there will always been trouble in paradise.
    And as beautiful as it is, the world can be extremely cruel.[This Message was Edited on 03/27/2013]